Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Came Twice In 15 Min

Yes, my post is about what you are thinking. LOL.

At 2:45am, I decided to go take a shower. And while I was in the shower, I decided to get a little naughty and jerk off. I took my time, let the hot water run down my body, and slowly worked up a good rhythm. My guess is around 3:05, I came. And it was a pretty nice load. ;)

I toweled off, got dressed, and got on my laptop. There, I got a message back from someone I had messaged on that online dating hookup site that I go to. He had given me his Yahoo screen name so I messaged him to say Hi.

One or two messages of formalities later, he proceeds to tell me that he's on cam right now with another guy. o.O

Well, alright... I play along. I tell him "that's hot." but I proceeded to tell him that I'd love to join him but had just had a nice wank in the shower. He tells me it doesn't matter, and that I should get on cam anyway to play because he can get me hard again.

Intrigued, and because I thought he looked hot in his picture on the website, I agreed to playing. So, I decided to cheat a little and turn on a nice porno vid, and then turn on the cam. He, of course, was already had and jerking. He begins to type dirty to me, and I guess that's what gets me because I was getting hard pretty quickly. And by 3:15am, he has cum, and I cum for a second time. And it was another impressive load too. ;)

So, I guess it was within 10-15 minutes that I came twice. LOL. That hasn't happened in a long time.. if ever! It was kind of fun but I'm pretty sure little Doug is tired now. ;)


In other news, I'm watching "From the Earth to the Moon." Did anyone watch this when it was on HBO in 1998? I can't believe it's been 10 years since this was on! For those who don't know, it was an HBO Miniseries (before Band of Brothers, I believe) produced by Tom Hanks and Brian Grazer. It chronicles the manned missions of NASA's Apollo Space Program, so all the missions that had to do with going to the moon.

The whole thing was well written, well filmed, well acted. I just love every part of it. I bought the DVDs for it a few years ago, and now I'm re-watching from the beginning. Currently, I'm watching Part 5, which talks about building, testing, and flying the Lunar Excursion Module (LEM) used for landing on the moon. :)

God I'm such a nerd. LOL. But I seriously recommend getting these DVDs and watching them because it's absolutely amazing!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Will These Feelings Ever Go Away?

Just the other night, I spoke with someone online about Jamie and how he's not worth even thinking about anymore. Well... what do you know? I've gone back to my old ways. As I was browsing through Facebook tonight, it notified me that Jamie had update a bunch of photos on his page. Of course, I go and check them out. I can't help but think how cute he is in some of those photos. He also posted a status saying that he can't sleep. So I left him a comment agreeing that the worst thing is wanting to sleep but not being able to do it.

I didn't actually expect him to reply at all, so I went and took a shower. After the shower, I noticed that I got a new message on Facebook... from Jamie! It was written 15 minutes prior to me checking it. He was actually replying to a note that I had written on Facebook that listed everything I did chronologically from Jan-Dec 2008. In August 2008, I had written "Had some self exploration." This, of course, refers to my time with Jamie and coming to terms that I was indeed gay, as most of you have read.

Well, he replies: "'Had some self-exploration?' Come to think of it, that was the last 'self exploration' I had and it was rather nice. :-)"

So I reply back to him: "LOL. It was rather nice, wasn't it? How are you doing? I see that you've been sick but feeling better now? And what are you doing online at 5am??"

Another few minutes passes by, and he replies saying that our time together was awkward and could have been better if we had both relaxed more. Then he's telling me about his job and how much he's not enjoying it right now. He also tells me that the boy that he was seeing during my visit out there to Florida had gone back to his cheating tendencies so they are no longer together. He again mentions that he has not had any sex since our time together and then ends the reply telling me he spent Christmas sick and alone. :(

I reply to him once again, sympathizing to his work situation and telling him about mine as well. Also sympathize with his situation with his ex-boy and share that I, too, was home alone for Christmas. I then agree that the sex together was awkward, but what I enjoyed most was the cuddling afterwards.

Well, this was at 2:30m, which was 5:30am for him. I didn't get a reply back, so I'm assuming he fell asleep finally. But yeah... that was our little exchange tonight. I don't know what it is, but he just pulls me in every time I see something about him on Facebook. As much as I want to get over him, it really is just not as easy.

Am I a fool for staying in contact with him? Should I stop trying to talk to him? I think that there's still some part of me that wishes that we could spend more time together. Is that just ridiculous? Blah.

Monday, December 29, 2008


What does the term "dating" mean nowadays? I don't even know. I dated my ex-girlfriend for 6.5 years... I didn't date anyone before that. So I really don't know what constitutes "dating" anymore. When I think dating, I think boyfriends. So you must know how I felt when I received a text from Matty a few days ago saying, "I think we should date."

I didn't even know how to respond to that. In a sort of panic, I wrote back: "Matty, I like you but I don't hink I'm ready for anything official yet. Let's just see where things take us."

He responds: "Haha, that's what I think dating is :P"

Me: "Just checking to see if we were on the same page."

Matty: "If I want more I'd have jumped to the boyfriend thing haha! but want to make sure you're not crazy first :P"

So yeah... I don't know what to think about that. I'm not sure if he really is just looking for something unofficial right now or if he just kinda went back on it because I responded telling him I'm not ready.

I never got the difference between "seeing each other" and "dating" and all that terminology. It's all so confusing!

Like I said before, I'm still hung up on how young he is. Though I do plan on seeing him again (in a week) so that I can get to know him better, I'm not getting my hopes up too high.. and I don't want him to get his hopes high either. If in our next meeting, I still don't feel it progressing any further between the two of us, I'm going to have to let him know exactly how I feel about it. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I didn't.

Of course, I'm hoping for the best, but I really just have my reservations about him still.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Holiday Gifts

Remember that Early Holiday Wish List that I posted at the beginning of the month? Well, it's pretty amazing that I got pretty much 3 out of 4 of those things!!

1. The 320gb Hard Drive: my mom sent me a check for $200 and you bet I went online and bought that hard drive right away! I transferred the files and installed it in my laptop ASAP! And now I have an extra external hard drive as a bonus! :)

2. MacBook Battery: still working on this one... Cost is $130... I can't afford it right now. But I just checked the battery's statistics right now:
  • Original Battery Capacity: 5020 mAh (Don't ask me what mAh stands for.. I dunno lol)
  • Current Battery Capacity: 629 mAh - 12% of the original.
LOL, isn't that ridiculous? and this is only after 29 months. Well, anyway, it's definitely time for a new battery because I can't get more than 15 minutes of use without plugging it in.

3. Cuisinart Blender/Food Processor: so it turns out that my family DID buy one of these a long time ago and they just never used it. SOOO I went home and grabbed it and now I own one! Well, without the food processor part, because they lost it... BUT I have the blender! And I've been making myself smoothies since I've gotten it. YUMMY!

4. Iron Gym: I didn't think I'd be getting this one, but the other day, the 26th, I went to CVS Pharmacy with my ex, Jen, after having dinner at Islands. She needed medicine because she was getting sick, so I tagged along. There I was in the aisle for Sudafed when I turned around and saw the Iron Gym on the top shelf of the next aisle. I ran over and grabbed it, checked the price, and proceeded to go buy it. LOL. $30. :) So I put it together, and tried it out on my door. UNFORTUNATELY, my door frames are too wide. LOL. But, the quick fix is to extend the bar (which is not recommended, but i'm going to do it anyway).

So yay for Christmas gifts! I'm happy that I got what I wanted this year! I can't remember a year where I actually got most of the gifts that I asked for! So that's pretty nice!

Did you all get what you wanted this year? What did you guys get? What was your favorite gift?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

2008 in Music

2008 has been a pretty interesting year for me. So many things happened in my life: traveled to Canada/New York, went on a Caribbean Cruise, broke up with my girlfriend, found an apartment to live on my own, had my first sexual experiences with boys, met Jamie, admitted to myself and accepted that I was gay, started a blog, came out to my friends, met some great online friends, flew to Florida to see Jamie, went to my first gay club/bar, dressed up "sexy" for Halloween, had my first real date with a boy, had my first bad date with a boy, campaigned for Prop 8, got drunk in Vegas, obsessed over a boy online who ignored me, met Matty, found out I don't have a job come 2009, went on a date with Matty, slept with Matty, and now writing this blog entry. :) I'd say that it's been a pretty eventful year, filled with ups and downs.

So to celebrate the year 2008, I thought I'd post a bunch of my favorite songs that I listened to during this year. Some of them have special meaning to me, and I will write a bit about them under the video if that's the case. Hope you guys like the songs!

Timbaland feat. OneRepublic - Apologize

Mary Poppins (Broadway) - Chim Cher-ee/Supercalifragilisticexpealidocioius

When I went to New York to visit my friends, I was able to catch Mary Poppins on Broadway! :) It was such an amazing show! And Gavin Lee, who plays Bert, is pretty cute! Can't wait until the touring cast comes to Los Angeles!

Duffy - Mercy

Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love

Twice Charmed: An Original Twist on the Cinderella Story - Chasing a Dream

I took a Caribbean Cruise on the Disney Cruise Line to visit my friend who was working on the boat. I was so impressed by this show! I loved every bit of it! I'm such a Disney goob!

John Williams - Olympics Fanfare

August 2008 was an amazing month because it was time for the Olympics!! I remember spending every free moment at home watching the Olympics! I couldn't get enough of it! And I think the most memorable moment must have been the 4x100 Freestyle Relay where Jason Lezak made up a full body's length to win the gold for the US! OH SO AMAZING! I love the Olympics!

Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go

Want to thank David from Some Things About Me for posting about this song. Because ever since I heard it, I just loved it. And plus, it was kinda my "theme song" for Jamie. Not that Jamie deserves a theme song.. it just reminded me of him when I first heard it because so much of the lyrics rang true at that time.

Royksopp - Only This Moment

This song was sent to me by my good UK friend Barry :) From the first time I heard it, I really liked it. But funny story that goes along with this: I had put this song on my playlist on my iPhone. This was back when only Jon and Miles were the only ones who knew I was gay. I had left my iPhone playlist on speaker at lunch and people were listening to the songs. This song comes on and someone at the table asks, "Why is there a gay club in this phone right now?" Miles and Jon just looks at each other and starts laughing because it was my phone and I had JUST told them I was gay a few days before this happened. I dunno, I guess it's just funny to us... definitely an "inside joke" moment for the three of us.

Rhianna - Disturbia

Celine Dion - To Love You More

Another reason why I admitted to myself I was gay: I enjoy Celine Dion. LOL

Adele - Hometown Glory

Jem - Got It Good

AMAZING song that I think everyone should listen to. Just makes me feel all warm inside when I listen to it.

Marley & Me

I just got home from watching "Marley & Me" in the theaters tonight. It was such a CUTE movie! I really loved it a lot. If you're in the mood to just see a light-hearted movie about love and puppies, then this is the movie for you.

The movie is about a South Florida columnist, played by Owen Wilson, who gets married (to Jennifer Aniston's character), and who gets this labrador puppy, which turns out to be "the worst dog in the world." Lots of mayhem ensues as the dog destroys furniture, eats necklaces, barks like crazy at thunderstorms, and disobeys all commands. However, despite all of the dog's shortcomings, it still loves his owner and his family.

I thought it was just a great movie that really tugged on my heart strings, especially towards the end. I think you can guess what happens at the end of the movie, as it does chronicle the life of the dog... and dogs don't live forever. I had a good cry :)

I HIGHLY recommend this movie. It's funny and heartwarming. I'll probably go see it again, if someone asks me to go. And the dog is so GD cute!!

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Date: Details

I finally have some time to sit down and post about my time with Matty. I have a feeling that this post is going to be a rather long one, since many of you wanted DETAILS about what happened. So I think I'm going to bore you guys with the nitty gritty details that you asked for! So I suggest you go and get yourself a snack to eat and a drink while reading this, because who knows how long it'll take you to finish. :P

So in my post "Tuesday's Plans Expanded" I explained that instead of only coming down for bowling and burgers, Matty would come early in the day to have ramen for lunch, Disneyland during the day, and then bowling and burgers. That post was me freaking out about finding things to talk about with our extended date. Well, if you also read the comments in that post, I actually posted an extra update. Well, to explain, the weather forecast for Tuesday was rain. And in the area that Matty lives in, the high desert, it means that there would be snow. And when there's snow, the roads going out of his town and towards my area would be closed. Basically, neither of us wanted to postpone our date, so I asked if he would like to join my friends and me in a Nintendo Wii party that I was throwing at my place. He would stay over at my place after the party, and then we could go about our date the next day. He agreed that it would be a good idea.

Well, he came to the party on Monday night. He actually got to my apartment early while I was still at work, so he just kept himself company in his car for two hours. I felt so bad to have made him wait like that! When I got home, he was bundled up inside his car and sleeping. I called him to wake him up and he had this cute "just woke up" face. Thankfully, it wasn't an awkward meeting. I offered to help him carry stuff up to the apartment and we talked about his drive down here. Prior to meeting him, we had been texting and he mentioned he hadn't eaten anything, so I offered to make him a grilled cheese sandwich when he got to my place. So once we both got settled in, I made him his sandwich. He seemed to like it, because he asked for a second one. :)

Pretty soon, my friends showed up for the party. One by one, they came in, and I introduced them to Matty. My friends weren't nosy about how I knew him and who exactly he was until later in the night... I'm glad my friends aren't nosy like that, or else it would've been awkward for me. But Matty got along great with them. He joined in on some of the games, but didn't hog the time. I spent my night close to him, making sure he wasn't feeling left out or anything, while still being a good host to my other friends. Towards the end of the party, some of them DID ask who exactly Matty was, to which I just answered that he was a friend of a friend. They didn't pry. Some of them actually don't know that I'm gay... or at least, I haven't explicitly told them that I'm gay, but I think they all assume that I am. (At Disney, the assumption is that you're gay unless proven straight. lol)

By 2am, only about 7 people remained at the party, and we were all tired. So they all left and Matty and I were left alone in the apartment. I sat next to him on the couch for a bit asking how he was and if he had fun. We just had a bit of small talk.. don't remembe exactly what we talked about but conversation did seem to flow easily. After a bit, I told him that I wanted to shower before I went to bed since I had a long day of work before. So I got up to get my stuff ready for a shower. He stood up as well and proceeded to the "bedroom." (I live in a studio apartment, so the living room and the bedroom is pretty much the same room, but I placed my entertainment center in the middle of it to section off the two "rooms")

He sat on my bed and kinda made fun of how small it was. I only have a twin bed because I kept my bed from my college years, where space was limited and we didn't have room for bigger beds. I told him that I spent a lot of money on the bed and that I liked how comfortable it is, so I never traded it for a bigger bed. He then wanted to test how comfortable it was for himself, so he laid down on it. I kinda took that hint and went over and sat on the edge of the bed to talk to him. I then propped myself up at the head of the bed and had my legs up on the bed, while Matty was lying face down on the bed next to me. We stopped talking for a bit, both of us were tired, and so I ran my fingers through his soft hair. He seemed to like it because he didn't move. Then he picked up his arm and wrapped it around my legs. We stayed that way for a while as we both dozed off a bit. I then moved my arm to make myself a little more comfortable, at which point he looked up, and grabbed me and pulled me down so that I would join him laying down. We were face to face when he told me that I was cute. :) And then he moved in for the kiss.

We kissed for a good few minutes. We explored each other's bodies as we made out. He would slide his hand beneath my shirt and feel my chest and I would reach under his shirt and run my fingers up and down his back. All the while, I was developing a boner and it was pushing up against my jeans. As I explored his body, I let arm brush up against his crotch area a few times and I could tell that he was getting hard as well. After a few more minutes, he looks at me and tells me that he's ready to take a shower and that he didn't want to take it alone. So I said, "OK!"

We go to the shower and we strip. He was definitely already hard. He has a nice cut, 7.5-ish dick. I didn't measure and I didn't ask, so it's just a rough estimate. We jump into the shower and I immediately have a good time. I don't know if I've ever said anything about this, but fooling around in the shower is one of my recurring fantasies. So having the shower be our first sexual activity together was definitely a major turn on.

So a little description of Matty: He's 19 years old and around 5'11". He's a skinnier boy, but he definitely has a small tummy... it's kinda cute ;) but I do usually find guys with a more toned and muscular body to be hotter. He's sort of an emo kid, longer hair that goes over his eyes (after he straightens it, because he has naturally curly/wavy hair) and again, I don't usually go for the emo guys... but I'm sure Mirrorboy would LOVE Matty. ;)

In the shower, we continue to make out and jerk each other off. He then takes charge a little and kinda spreads my legs with his legs as we're kissing, and I took the hint that he wanted me to go down on him. Have I told you guys that I've only blown one other guy before? This was only going to be my second time giving a BJ. I was a little nervous, but I just went for it. He seemed to like it. After a while, he motioned for me to get back up. And then he got down and sucked me off for a bit. It felt great to be under the running water and getting a BJ. HOT!! When he got back up, he continued to take charge. He turned me around and pushed me up against the shower wall. He grabbed both my hands and placed them on the wall as he grinded his dick against my ass. Omg, that was seriously hot. I'm getting hard right now just thinking about it. He pushed his body up against mine and let his cock just slide between my ass cheeks and continued pumping himself like that. He then reached around and started jerking me off hard and fast while he grinded against me. We both came pretty much at the same time. Damn, it was so fun!! I love shower fun!! ;)

We cleaned up and got out of the shower. We then got ready for bed and he told me that he was going to have to share my tiny bed with him now. ;) I didn't object. We cuddled in bed, him holding me, as we both fell asleep. In the middle of the night, we kinda shifted positions, and it wasn't the best night's sleep because my bed is so damn small, but it was still comfy to know that he was next to me.

The next morning, we woke up at around 9:30am and got ready to go have ramen at this restaurant that my friends and I go to all the time. We arrived and saw that they didn't open for another 45 minutes.. so I decided that we should go to the nearest shopping center (South Coast Plaza) to walk around a bit and do some window shopping. During this time, we had some conversations about TV shows, most prominently Heroes. We're both Heroes fans and we got into some discussions about the plot of the series and our favorite super hero powers. :) I was glad that I could be geeky with him. We continued the conversations when we sat down for food. Again, not much awkward silences or anything. I think it was a good balance of me asking questions and him asking questions too. :) I was happy that it was going smoothly.

Since we got to ramen early, we also ended lunch early, so we drove back to my apartment to unwind a bit before I had to go to work. And when I say unwind, I mean we got to laying on the bed again. And when in bed, we both got horny. ;) Pretty soon, we were both naked and grinding up against each other. After a bit of that, I couldn't wait any longer and I went to grab a condom and lube. He quickly put the condom and lube on. I laid on my back and he threw my legs up in the air. Ok, so reminder that I hadn't had sex since Jamie in September... so I was a bit nervous about how much it would hurt. Well, thank goodness he used a good amount of lube. He slid inside me without too much trouble and he went slowly at first (thank goodness). There was some pain at first, but it soon subsided a bit. But I guess he was a little bigger than I thought because everytime he thrust deep inside me, I felt pressure inside. It was a little bit of pain... discomfort, I guess. But depending on the position of my legs in the air, it felt better. I don't know, is that normal? Should I be feeling that pressure/discomfort? hopefully some of you can help answer that for me?

Anyway, there was more pleasure than there was pain. And I enjoyed him fucking me deep and hard. I'm pretty sure I was pretty vocal during sex. Lots of moaning to be heard by my neighbors. LOL. It really felt good. I told him to go faster, and he did, and pretty soon we both came one right after the other. Oh it was great! Too bad it didn't last longer because I had to get to work!

I then dropped him off at Disneyland while I went to work. He watched me perform in all my parades. But he was alone the whole time, just exploring the park by himself. I did have 1.5 hours where I accompanied him in the park (during my lunch break). We went shopping for some Christmas gifts for his cousin (since I get a good discount). While shopping, there was this really cute Tigger and Eeyore doll that doubles as a pillow. We both it was so cute.. especially the Eeyore. He's one of my favorite characters. ;) He asked my opinion of whether he should get Tigger or Eeyore, so of course I tell him Eeyore. Such a soft pillow Eeyore makes!

After 8 hours in the park, I finally pick him up and we go off to the bowling alley. We get inside and get our rental shoes and our lane. So the first game, Matty did well. He started off strong, with some spares and strikes. I on the other hand was sucking real bad and guttered my first two frames. I got a few pins towards the end. First game results: Matty-111, Doug-68. I was hating life, but I was still having fun. I was more embarrassed than anything, cuz I totally wanted to be good at it! Well, second game came along, Matty didn't start off very good. I think he got only one or two pins the first two frames. I, on the other hand, started to get the hang of it and was doing better. I picked up a few spares and even some strikes. Matty continued to do poorly and kept guttering. Each time he guttered, he got real frustrated. He would walk back after a gutter and I would try to cheer him up. But he seemed really pissed off. After his turns, he would stand in the back, with his arms folded. I asked if he was ok, and he would only give one word answers. It was obvious that we weren't going to play another game. Not with this attitude.

Let me just say that at this point, I was REALLY turned off by his attitude. I understand being frustrated about not doing well in the game. I mean, I wasn't doing all that well in the first game either! But I played it off and just kinda laughed at how horrible I was. But he couldn't do that. And it just shows that he's a bit young and immature for me. I just couldn't get over the fact that he was pouting and not talking to me. I mean, he's on a date. No matter how pissed off he really is, wouldn't you think he'd at least fake it and cheer up a little?... sigh...

We paid for the games and walked back to the car. Virtually silent the whole time. We agreed to still go grab burgers (In-N-Out) since we had talked about it and made plans for that beforehand. The whole car ride to the restaurant was silent. I couldn't get him to talk. We ordered and drove it back to my apartment. STILL quiet. Got back to the apartment, decided to put in the musical episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (since we had talked about it in our earlier chats). FINALLY, when the episode started, did he start to open up again. As we ate, he finally loosened up. And pretty soon, we were singing along to the songs and sharing our favorite moments in the episode.

It was just unfortunate that I had to see that side of him. But I guess it's a good thing that I got to see it sooner rather than later. It gives me a better judgement of who he really is. Well, as the episode went on, we finished our food (YUMMY) and I went to get ready for bed, since it's been a long day for the two of us. When I got out of the bathroom, Matty had turned off all the lights and was lying on the couch watching the rest of the episode. I went over and joined him, lying on top of him. We stayed in that position and made out for a bit.

Then he got up and led me over to the bed where we continued to make out. Again, our clothes came off soon after that. Next thing I know, I was on top and straddling him. I grinded my ass against his cock a bit, and finally decided to go and grab those condoms and lube again. I put the condom on him and lubed him and me up good. I then slowly sat on his dick, letting it go all the way in. Again, I felt that pressure towards the end, but when I would lean forward or back a certain way, the discomfort was gone. So I tried to stay in the more pleasureable positions. After a bit of riding him, I told him that I wanted him to fuck me from behind. I had never had that before so I definitely wanted to try it. And OMG, did it feel good. He got behind me and pounded me GOOD. I, again, was pretty loud. Neighbors probably weren't happy. ;) My head was knocking up against the wall too. HAHA. He came inside me (in his condom, of course), but I didn't cum. I wanted to get in the shower and finish there.

So we both jumped in the shower and I had him give my dick some attention in there. I had him jerk me off and suck me. Then I had him sit down in the tub as I stood over him. I thrust my dick in his mouth for a bit, then I pulled out and started to jerk myself off. He was also hard again and ready to come again (ah... to be 19 again....). We basically came together again. Another amazing shower ;)

We went to bed in each other's arms again. Felt nice to be hld while falling asleep. Definitely something that I missed. The next morning, we decided on Dennys for lunch before he had to pack up and get back home. However, conversation at Dennys was a bit harder. I don't know what it was. Perhaps what happened the night before at the bowling alley was affecting how I perceived him. But I definitely felt that there was less in common between us. Again, I think the incident at the bowling alley just made me realize that I needed someone more mature. However, we still had a nice meal together and went got back to the apartment with a bit of time to spare before I had to get to work.

Being the hornball that I am though, I started to mess around again, and got the two of us hard and horny. I told him that I wanted a quickie before I had to go to work. (I'm such a slut, aren't I??) Well, I wanted him to fuck me from behind again. This time felt even better than last time. Again, a little discomfort, but I found a position where it felt good. Again, hard right now just thinking about it! We finished together and got cleaned up.

We quickly packed everything up. And as we were about to leave, he picked up the Eeyore that he had bought and had been sleeping with and handed it to me and said, "Merry Christmas." I was surprised by that. I told him that he really should...that he should keep it for himself. Well, he insisted I take it since I looked like I really wanted it when he bought it. So I accepted it and thanked him for being such a sweetheart. It was actually the only real Christmas present that I got this year. So it kinda means a lot.

We said our goodbyes. It was a bit rushed because I really had to get to work. But we told each other that we would keep texting the rest of the day. And that we did. And are still doing. This morning, he actually told me that he thinks that we should date. I was a little put off and worried about the implications of that text. So I straight up replied and told him that I didn't want anything to serious right now and that I just wanted to see where things go between the two of us. Well, that was what he meant by "dating" .. nothing official or anything. Just hanging out with each other and stuff. So I told him I was happy we are both on the same page and that I would love to see him again some time.

Yes, Matty is a bit young and immature at times, he's still a sweetheart and a cute kid. I just don't want that one incident at the bowling alley to be the deciding factor... so I'm going to see him again and see how it goes. We are planning to see each other around New Years. He's coming down to the area with a friend and I think he'll stop by for the night again or something. We've also been texting each other back and forth. I can tell that he's interested in me ;) Tonight, he wanted to make sure that I was home from work and comfy before we went to bed. I thought that was really cute and sweet of him. :) I asked why he was being so damn cute, and he tells me it's because he's trying to woo me. HAHA. I told him that it might be working a little :P

Wow, is anyone still reading this? And did you really read all of it? Cuz this was like an essay. I'm sure it's like 5 pages of writing in a word processor. LOL. I just wanted to make sure I wrote out everything, since you guys asked for it. And plus, it's my way to keep a log of what happened in my life. I mean, I did start this blog as a sort of online journal for myself. So I guess the more detailed the better, for my own purposes. And if that satisfies you guys, then all the better ;)

But do any of you have any advice? Comments? I would love to hear what you guys think of Matty from what I've written here. And I would love to get your opinions on how I should proceed with him. My big thing right now is our age difference and his maturity level. Is that a big deal for you guys?

Well, hope everyone had a great Christmas... now looking forward to what the new year brings us all.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Holidays!!!!

Happy Holidays to everyone!! I'm just about starting my day right now. I woke up to make my famous fried rice for a potluck we're having at work and now I'm just packing it up and getting ready for work.

I know I'm overdue for an update on how it all went with Matty. It was a mixed bag.. and I'll go into detail about all of that. He's a cute kid and I like him... but the problem is that he's just too young for me, I think. Age difference shouldn't matter, and it doesn't, but in this case, he really is a little immature for me. Again, I'll be more detailed about it in my next post, which probably won't happen until later night tonight. I have a long day of work today. But hopefully you all can wait just a bit longer for the nitty gritty. ;)

Thanks everyone for the comments!! I really love it when you guys give me advice and feedback. So keep it coming!

And last but not least, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays! I love you all!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

It's Going Well

Just wanted to post an update on my iPhone. Haven't had time to get on
the computer. Let's just say I've had other things keeping me busy.

So I'm having a good time with Matty. We still have bowling and
burgers tonight. Just getting to know him and seeing how compatible we
are. But the awkwardness has subsided for the most part ... Ok pretty
much GONE after we took a shower together ;) Yea, I'm a slut.... LOL.
But yea we're having a good time together and looking forward to the
rest of the night together.

Will update with more detail when I have more time :)

Happy Holidays everyone!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Tuesday's Plans Expanded

So after I posted my last entry, the boy I'm seeing on Tuesday (Matty) and I chatted even more. Our conversation got into food and I told him that I LOVE Japanese food. He tells me that he also loves Japanese food and Asian cuisine in general. MAJOR points right there ;) So I ask him about Ramen. No, not Top Ramen or the kind of the ramen you make yourself at home from a tiny orange package. Ramen, as in the real kind where they make it for you in a restaurant and have amazing soup bases. He tells me that he's had Ramen before and that he LOVES it. Well, it seriously is one of my favorite foods, and my friends and I go all time. So I tell him that we should definitely go have Ramen together some time. He agrees.

And then he gets a bright idea about Tuesday. He wanted to know if I would want to get Ramen early in the day for lunch before I went to work. And then I can let him into Disneyland and then leave for bowling together after my work. He lives pretty far, so driving down just to go bowling from 10:30pm on wasn't ideal. So he wanted to make a full day out of it. Well, of course I agreed because Ramen is amazing and it would be fun to spend more time with him. :)

Well, this morning came, and the reality of that sort of sunk in. Him coming earlier in the day means more time that I would have to spend trying to start conversation. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I am not a conversation starter. In fact, I don't really like to talk too much. I'm a very quiet, reserved person. If I'm asked to speak or asked to explain something, I'll do it, but mostly in the least amount of words possible. So, thinking about spending more time with him is sort of freaking me out.

To make matters a little worse, I spent over an hour on the phone with him tonight. Well, normally, talking on the phone is not a bad thing. In fact, it should be a GREAT thing because we've more on from texting to actual conversation on the phone. BUT, the bad thing was there definitely was a lot of awkward silences. See... a lot of that was due to us both being tired. We had first gotten on the phone because he was driving home after dropping his friends off at their houses. He told me he was real tired, so I told him that he could call me to keep him awake while driving. So he did, and I got him talking in the beginning. But after a while, conversation started to whither away... and those awkward silences crept in. I tried so hard to start conversations... just about ANYTHING.. I just said what came to my head. But both us would start the conversation but then end it abruptly and then silence came again.. Like I said, I really don't know if it was because we're both tired or just because I suck at keeping conversations.

I just REALLY REALLY hope that this doesn't happen when we see each other face to face. When he gets here, the drive to Ramen is a good 30 minutes. How awkward would it be if the car ride was just silent? :( And then eating at the restaurant. Will I be able to come up with topics to discuss and things to say there? And then there's the ride back too!... I think this early addition to the "date" is really screwing with me. Because at bowling, we're engaged in an activity so it'll be easy to keep things going. But in a car and at a meal, that's where it gets tough for me!!

I don't want to make a bad impression.... I need some pointers.. advice.. HELP!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Bowling on Tuesday

For the past few days, I've been chatting with a boy. I met him at my job's Holiday Party. He was one of my friend's date and all of us hung out together. We found each other on Facebook and we started commenting on each other's pages. Then we used the Facebook chat to talk a bit. And then moved on to AIM. And last night we exchanged phone numbers so we could text each other (cuz we both love texting).

Well, on Facebook, I posted a status saying that I really want to go to this new bowling alley that opened up near by and if anyone wanted to join. Well, he responded to it pretty quickly. And we just started talking about it and how we're both real interested in bowling because we hadn't done it in a LONG time. Well, through our AIM conversations, I could tell that he was interested in me :) And I think he's a pretty cute kid too. He's younger than me by 5 years, but that shouldn't matter, right? So last night, I just asked him if he'd like it if it was just the two of us that went bowling. He said that that'd be real fun. :)

So I think it's a date on Tuesday. I dunno. I'm just going to take it as two people hanging out and getting to know each other. I don't want to classify it as a date, because then I'll get all nervous and dumb again. So I'm just going to let it happen and be cool about it. And hopefully we'll both have fun in the process.

Friday, December 19, 2008

More Financial Woes

To add salt to the wound, our managers announced to us today that the parade that we perform in during the normal year (the non-Christmas times) has been CANCELED. So I officially don't have a job starting January 5th unless I get Wells Fargo, or they find me something to do elsewhere within the Resort.... GREAT....

Finance and Banking

This holiday season just hasn't been very jolly. Aside from my own financial woes, I just found out the other day that my Dad was laid off from him job in China. My Mom had just flown back to stay with him for the rest of the year, and then he got laid off within days of her arriving. I felt so bad for my Dad... it must be so hard to be told that you're going to be let go from your job. It's almost worst than getting fired, because getting fired means you did something wrong. Getting laid off just means they can't afford you anymore.

I'm not sure what my Dad is going to do now. Is he going to find another job? What place is going to give him a job? At his age? At least he has lots of experience. My Mom will probably have to go back to work somewhere now. He called me to assure me that everything is fine and that I shouldn't worry about him or my Mom. They're actually going to take the next month or so to do some traveling together. The last few years working abroad, he was able to make some good money. So it's ok for now. I'm just worried for them in the future.

And now because of this, I REALLY can't rely on Mommy and Daddy to bail me out financially anymore. I went to an Interview for a teller position at Wells Fargo today. I hope to get a response from them soon for a final interview. For those of you who have read my blog from the beginning are probably thinking: "Don't you have a teaching credential? Why aren't you teaching?" Well, I'm going to have think more about that now. Unfortunately, they don't usually just hire people in the middle of the year, but I'll look into that. Substituting is an option as well, but that's not a stable income because they might not need me every day, and it's pretty much the worst to have to be a sub because kids HATE subs.... we've all been in high school and remember how much we hate our substitute teachers!

So, wish me luck with the teller position. I think it will be a good experience for me. I think I can do well. I have great customer service skills and I think one of my best qualities is my friendliness. So I think it's a good fit for me. And I think it's going to be a great way to make some new friends. I'll have a different group of people to work with and to get to know. :)

PLUS, think of all the customers that walk in. My fantasy:

A ridiculously cute, handsome boy walks into the branch and we make eye contact. He waits in line and stares at me the whole time. He's now at the front of the line. But I have a stupid lady who's asking me lots of questions about her account. I work fast and answer all of her questions and shoo her away. I ask for the next customer in line and he finally walks up. He looks even cuter up close. I take my time helping him with his banking needs, all the while flirting with him. He flirts back. I end his transaction and we say goodbye. But before he leaves, he hands me his business card. He's a regional manager for a very important corporation. He tells me to give him a call so that we can grab coffee some time. Then he walks away, as I check out his hot bubble butt.

And that is how I will meet my husband.

Wouldn't that be the best ever??

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


So apparently my poll closed and I didn't even know! HAHA.
The question was: What kind of car do you drive?
33% of you drive Sedans.
Followed by 26% of you driving SUVs! Wow.. that's a whole bunch!
Tied at 9% are Wagons and Coupes.
And the rest are distributed among Luxury, Convertible, Hatchback, and Hybrid.
And I think the Hybrid vote was my own.

Well that's pretty interesting. I was hoping more people would vote on it though. :(

Now new poll:
Which continent do you live on?

Pretty self explanatory. :) But you MUST post in the comments which COUNTRY you are from too. And maybe which CITY as well? I guess the more specific, the better. I just want to know were all my readers are from! I mean, I have that map thingy at the bottom of the sidebar that tells me, but there are so many dots everywhere, I can't tell where each one is exactly or who my loyal readers are.


In other news, I just want to say how relieved I am that AJ is getting professional help at the hospital. If you haven't read his or Matt's blog lately, AJ has been feeling very depressed recently and it has gotten to the point where he thought he might hurt himself. So now he has checked into the hospital and is hopefully recovering well. I'm sending all my love and thoughts out to him. Matt says that he'll print out his comments for him read so go over to AJ's Blog and leave him some encouraging comments!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008


If you have 2 hours and 8 minutes to spare in your busy schedules, then you should go to the theaters to see Milk. Even if you don't have time, you NEED to go see this film.

It's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. It's an amazingly well written, well shot film. The actors were all incredible. Sean Penn is definitely going to be nominated for an Oscar in this role as Harvey Milk.

For those who are not familiar, Harvey Milk was the first gay politician to be elected to major office in the United States. The movie takes place between 1970 and 1978, showing Milk's progression from local town gay activist to State Assemblyman. You may have heard of the Castro District, a gay community within San Francisco. Well, Harvey Milk was the one responsible for turning that area into a gay friendly place.

And all of the voting and the protests in the movie of course reminded me of Prop 8 here in California. And it made me think WHY this movie didn't come out before the elections? It would've been such a powerful message. And I think it would've gotten more voters out there to vote No on Prop 8.

I don't want to ruin anything (even though the movie ruins itself in the beginning... and not that Milk's life can't be researched anyway), but it really made me cry. Not just the ending, but several other parts of the movie were very touching. Just watching some of the gay movements that Milk was responsible for, and all that he did for the gay community really touched me. I found myself relating to a lot of things that happened in the movie. And it really brought tears to my eyes knowing that Harvey Milk accomplished so much for the gay community, and that the reason that I have the choice to be so free about my homosexuality is due in major part to him. He was the first gay person to go out and fight for the rights of gay people and I want to thank him for that.

So please go and watch Milk whenever you get the chance. You really won't be disappointed. And for those who have already seen it, any thoughts from you all?

Monday, December 15, 2008

WeHo w/ the Boys

So here's my more detailed post about my night in West Hollywood with the boys.

The night started out at my apartment. Miles and I got ready at my place because we had work during the day. So we showered and got dressed. Jon came over as well to make dirty martinis for Miles and himself... to sort of get the night started. I was the designated driver, so I didn't have a glass... or did I?

HAHA, don't worry.. that's not a real martini. I just poured some Simply Lemonade (the best brand of lemonade there is!!) and just pretended. It made for a cool photo tho, right? :)

By 9:15, the rest of the boys, Reggie and Kevin, arrived as well and we were ready to head out! (Reggie and Kevin are Miles' good friends. It was cool to hang out and get to know them better) It took me about 45 minutes to get there. We looked for some street parking, but that was a futile attempt. So we just decided to fork over the cash and pay for parking in a lot.

We walked over to The Factory where the Instinct party was held, but if you read the previous post then you know that the party had already ended when we got there. LAME SAUCE. We were already there, and we weren't going to just leave, so of course we decided to go bar hopping. We decided on Fiesta Cantina to start, mostly because of their 2 for 1 Drink Special. I got two Midori Sours. Yummy.

Unfortunately, I couldn't even finish one of them before I started feeling woozy. My heart started to pound real hard too. And then I just got REAL sleepy all of a sudden. My eyes would shut without me even knowing and then a few seconds later, I would realize that I was falling asleep and have to wake myself up. The bar stool that I was sitting on was right up against the wall, so I just leaned back into the wall and I definitely fell asleep a couple of times. Kevin tried showing me a picture he took on his phone but I was totally asleep. Miles had to yell at me to wake up! LOL. After him yelling at me, I felt more awake and made a conscious effort to keep my eyes open. And from then on, I was much better. But it was definitely my cue to NOT drink anymore. So Jon drank the rest of my drinks.

And let me say that Fiesta Cantina had quite a few cute boys! Some of them were just my type: cute white boys, blonde, athletic to muscular build. MMMM. YUMMY. Of course, none of those type of guys would EVER give me a second look. But they were nice to gawk at, nonetheless :)

Then, Miles' friend from Instinct (Robert) showed up with his boyfriend (Jarrod). It was Robert's birthday so we wished him a very Happy Birthday. It was my first time meeting Robert, and he's SUCH a nice guy! And I have to say he's a REAL cutie too. :) They stayed for a while with us in Fiesta Cantina, but then we all decided to go ahead to Eleven to do a little dancing. :)

When we got to Eleven, we saw that there was a long line to get in, so we said "screw that" and walked into East West instead. Not crowded at all. In fact, I probably prefer East West because it's very relaxed. There were couches everywhere and we grabbed one and sat down.

While in a very relaxed setting, there were quite a few weirdos there as well. First of all, there was an older guy who had a nice body that was clearly drunk. When we first got there, we just see him throw this guy onto the couch and then start humping him right then and there. After about 20 seconds of that, he got off him and apologized for doing it. Apparently, they didn't know each other. HAHA. And then he proceeded to take off his shirt in front of the window so that people walking on the streets would yell and holler at him. HAHA.. crazy guy.

Also, there were two older lesbian ladies who were clearly drunk. One of them was much drunker than the other and started to dance with any gay guy she had in sight. Unfortunately, Robert fell victim to her, and being a super nice guy, just went along with it. It looked like he had fun though :)

There's the drunk lesbian on the left and Robert falling over laughing at her. It looks like she's calling him over to dance some more. Also, if you click the pic to enlarge it, you'll notice the gays in the back just cracking up at the lesbian. LOL.

I really had a great time there. And it was just fun to be out with a bunch of boys. And tho it would've been nice to have met a boy while I was out there too (hehehe), I really wasn't expecting that and I was just happy to be having fun with friends.

Top to Bottom, Left to Right: Jarrod, Robert, Miles, Jon, Kevin, Me, Reggie

I'm really not a bar hopping, club dancing, drinking at parties kind of guy. But I enjoy myself when I do go out and do that stuff. I'm actually proud of myself for being able to have some fun outside my apartment. LOL. I do wish I went out to have fun more often. I really am wasting my time when I just sit at home and watch TV alone. I could be out having fun with friends, meeting new people. It really MUST be one of my New Year's Resolutions... if not THE most important one of them all. I need to stop being a lazy ass and get myself out there. I'm 24 years old and I need to start living life before it's too late.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Night Out to WeHo

So I posted before about going to the Instinct Magazine party in West Hollywood. So the boys and I got ready and got there around 10:30pm or so. When we got to the front of the club, they were taking down the Instinct banners and signs. Miles saw one of his friends that work at Instinct and asked what was going on. Apparently, the party was only from 8-10pm. And the 600+ people that were there had all left already. LOL. How ridiculous. What kind of West Hollywood party ends at 10?! haha.

Well, basically, we just went bar hopping the rest of the night. I had a lot of fun with the boys just drinking and messing around. This happened Friday night, so I'm actually late in posting this for you all. But I had a busy day today and I think I'm going to save all the picture posting and details until tomorrow. :)

In other news, my shoulder is getting better. I decided to try and do some push ups again tonight. Well, after 10, I didn't feel any pain, so I just kept going. I got up to 50 and decided to stop... And when I say "I decided" I mean my arms were tired. heh. But 50 is pretty good for not doing any push ups for the past 2 weeks right? I took a small break (maybe 90 seconds) and then did another 25 push ups. Then I called it a night. My RIGHT shoulder is actually starting to hurt a bit now (it was my left before), so I'm not going to push it any further.. But I'm definitely going to try and get back into a workout routine.

Speaking of that, I'm actually going to be discontinuing my 24 Hour Fitness gym membership.. well.. I'm going to put it on hold for now. I am REALLY tight on money, so that's one cost that I have to forgo for now. Besides, my apartment complex has a gym that I can utilize. I also had to put my Netflix account on hold. AND my porn subscription! >:( Ok, well only one out of two subscriptions. LOL. Porn is a NECESSITY! HAHA. Hopefully, cutting these costs will make it a little better on my wallet.

Well, stay tuned for the pics from WeHo!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Being a Good Friend

I just got off the phone with Jon. He called me at 1:40am after his date tonight. We talked for a good 20 minutes, him telling me how the date went and everything that happened. I won't get into any details about his date and his situation, cuz it's none of my business to tell. But I do want to share how nice it feels that Jon thinks of me as a good enough friend to call me literally RIGHT after his date to tell me all about it.

Throughout my life, I feel like I've had many really good friends. I belonged to a circle of friends. But I never really opened up to them. And though I had one or two friends who I called my best friends, I feel like I never actually was a very good best friend to them. I mean, how could I really have called them my best friend if I never let them know who I truly was?

But now, I really think I can call Jon one of my best friends. After all, he was the very first friend that I came out to. And since then, we've been able to share a lot of things with each other. I've opened up to him about so many things and it's great to have someone that really knows me.. instead of the "fake" me that everyone else sees.

I'm happy to be there for Jon and I hope that he thinks of me as one of his good/great/best friends as well.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Jizz In My Pants

This is just way too funny not to post. Sure helped me with my depression for those two minutes I watched it! Here's the latest SNL sketch featuring Andy Samberg. It's so freakin hilarious. My favorite part is: "I just ate a grape and I..." HAHA. And look for the Justin Timberlake cameo. haha!

Jon Stewart Rocks My Socks

Jon Stewart is one of my favorite people in the entire world. I don't know why I stopped putting "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" on my DVR!

Here he is with Governor Mike Huckabee, debating about same sex marriage. I just really appreciate that the two of them had a very civil, intelligent debate on this topic... with a little humor thrown in as well, of course.

(Thanks Ja from gym ra(n)t for this video!)
My favorite quote from the video: "At what age did you choose to not be gay?" GO JON STEWART!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Feeling Depressed

**Just letting everyone know, I put up an "Important People" and "Important Posts" section in the sidebar to help those who are new and want to know a little more about my life**

I can't help it but I'm feeling a bit depressed. First off, I woke today with pain in my left arm/shoulder. My shoulder has been bothering me for about 2 weeks now. It's due to lifting heavy "objects" at work. :P They first told me it was bicep tendinitis, but now I'm getting a tingling feeling down my arm and into my forearm. It used to only hurt when I would place my arm in a certain position or when I'm actually doing the lifting. But now, even when I'm just sitting here, I can feel the tingle. It's really bothering me now and it's just getting me down in the dumps that I can't use my arm that much and that I'm not working out my upper body at all anymore because of it. All my progress that I made with the Hundred Push Up Program is pretty much wasted now...

Second, I am plain broke. I have almost NO money in my bank account, yet I have a bunch more bills to pay this month. I can only barely afford food! I won't be able to buy anyone Christmas presents this year, and it just sucks. I'm so worried about my financial situation. I just need to get a 2nd job somewhere. I would LOVE to work at a Starbucks but I hear they're on a hiring freeze right now. I could start doing substitute work at middle and high schools but my schedule at my current job isn't going to allow for that until at least January... and I need the money NOW!

Third, I'm just plain lonely. I've expressed this before in previous posts. I just want someone to be there when I get home and give me a big hug and tell me they love me. HAHA. That's a lot to ask for. But it's just depressing that I'm nowhere near any of that stuff.

I don't like being depressed. I don't like to hang my head low. I don't like to frown. And especially compared to the problems and troubles that other bloggers are going through right now, mine are just plain silly. But I can't help it right now and I just need something/someone to get me out of this and tell me that everything is going to be alright.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Jamie Saga Continues

Just when I thought I had gotten over Jamie and had stopped thinking about him, he gets on Facebook and comments on two of my videos that I posted. They were just videos of me and my friends at Disney World and Disneyland.

They were short comments: "Awesome Video Doug!" and "WOW!

But when I got the emails notifying me of these comments from Jamie, I got hit with a bunch of different emotions. I was excited to be hearing from him. I was surprised that he initiated some sort of contact with me. I was angry at him for ignoring me in the past. And I was disappointed in myself for letting him get to me again.

I just kinda sat there, looking at the comments for a minute or two. And everything that happened between Jamie and me just came rushing back. I thought I had pushed the thoughts away by now but it re-surfaced again. I hate myself for letting that get to me. I thought that I had gotten over him, but it obviously wasn't the case.

I wrote back on his Facebook, thanking him for the comments. I didn't want to just ignore him. Am I just a big sucker? Should I have just ignored him? I just felt the need to reply. So we'll see if he says anything back, I guess...

Instinct Magazine Party!

This Friday is the Instinct Magazine Leading Men/11 Year Anniversary Party in West Hollywood and I've been invited to go! If you don't know already, Instinct Magazine is America's #1 gay men magazine and has information about fashion, health, and lifestyle. OH, and they have pictures of really hot guys as well.

Miles is really good friends with Instinct's senior graphic designer and he got us in! When asked if I wanted to go, of course I said YES! I didn't need my new "Yes Man" philosophy for that one! Um, hot gay boys walking around everywhere? Who would say no??

So this Friday, we all have work until 7:30... so we're going to HAUL ASS after work to get changed into our nice outfits and then make it up to West Hollywood, hopefully, before 9. Free booze until 10. LOL.

I am wearing my white button-up shirt, grey pinstripe dress pants, a black vest, and Kenneth Cole black shoes. I am debating whether or not I want to wear my glasses that night too... perhaps I'll use my one of my last two pairs of contacts. Or I can wear my emo thick black frame glasses. Just wanna make sure I look good!!

I can't wait to see the hot boys there! I'll make sure to post some pictures from the event when I get back from it though. :)

Monday, December 8, 2008

Yes Man

Tonight, after work, I went to see the movie "4 Christmases" with Miles and Jen. It was funny, but it wasn't as funny as some of my friends said it would be. I wouldn't say I was disappointed... but I just wish it was funnier.

Well, one of the previews before the movie was the new Jim Carrey movie, "Yes Man." Basically, Jim Carrey's character is a guy that likes to say "no" to everything. One day, he gets dragged into a motivational gathering of some kind and the motivational speaker tells him that he's not living his life because he's always declining everything. So he challenges him to say YES to whatever opportunity is brought before him.

I find this a very interesting idea. An idea that I should think about adopting myself. Ok, so it's just silly to say yes to EVERYTHING... but it definitely wouldn't hurt to say yes to more things. Instead of defaulting to "no," maybe I can at least give more thought to a "yes" answer. For example, tonight, my friend from work left me a voicemail on my phone asking if I wanted to hang out with him and other friends from work at the beach for a bonfire. This friend who called me isn't a close friend and his friends aren't part of my circle of friends, so I would have kind of been the outsider at the bonfire. And knowing that, I defaulted to "no" and declined the offer. BUT, what if I had said "yes?" I would've gone to the bonfire and probably gotten to know him a little better. I may also have made some new friends while at the bonfire. But because I am 1) so complacent with my life and 2) too chicken to meet new people, I said "no."

Well, I think it's time to change that. If I don't change, I'm going to be stuck in the horrible rut that I'm in right now. If I don't change, then I will never turly live my life. So, as I write this blog, I am telling myself that I am making a conscious effort to change. I will take advantage of and say "yes" to as many opportunities as I can (as long as it doesn't break the bank or compromise my safety!). And who knows? Maybe by doing this, I can meet a guy! ;)

What do you guys think of this idea? Are there any specific moments in your life that you said "NO" to but wish you had said "YES?"

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Deleted Post

Well, last night, I made a post, and then regretted it this morning. So I deleted it. Was just kind of embarrassing.. especially if my friends were to read it. So I decided not to keep it up.

But I wish I kept some parts of it. I wrote a lot about an online friend that I reconnected with: Mikey. He lives in Portland, OR. We started chatting back in 2004 when Yahoo Messenger had awesome chat rooms. But after the summer of 2004, they took those chat rooms away, and pretty soon, I sort of lost touch with all my friends that I made on those chats.

Well, about a week and half ago, Mikey came back on Yahoo. It was a nice surprise. And we started talking again. He was always one of my favorite people to chat with in those chats. Since it was a Gay chat room, it was my one and only place to talk about gay stuff. And that's why I think I went back every night and established friendships with these guys. Mikey would actually get on his mic and talk to us instead of type because he hated to type. And I loved hearing his voice. His was a lower, sexy voice. I like guys with a deeper, manly voice. :)

So when we chatted again last week, I was glad that he was getting on his mic again. I got on cam for him (which I did back in 2004 too), but now I also had a mic. So we talked to each other for over an hour last week. Just about everything. And of course the conversation got into sex and how horny we were. And we had some fun together. :P

Same thing happened last night. And ... I'm not going into details this time because that was where it got embarrassing. It wasn't embarrassing DURING our chat... I just don't want to repeat it here....

So I'm very happy that I reconnected with Mikey and I hope we chat more often. He's a really cool guy. And if we lived closer together, I would definitely have to say that I'd pursue him. In our few chats this week, he had already expressed his interest in me... if only I lived closer.

Story of my life, right? I really think I'm living in the wrong part of the country... I just don't think anyone around here has ANY interest in me. Any suggestions as to where I should move?

Friday, December 5, 2008

Twilight and Polls

Tonight, Davie convinced me to go watch Twilight with him in the theaters. It ended up being a group of 5 of us watching together. This is Davie's SIXTH time seeing this movie. HAHA, he's obsessed.

During this summer, all my friends at work were super-crazy-obsessed with the Twilight books. Everyone had one of the books in their hands and were reading them franctically in anticipation of the movie coming out. I thought it was such a stupid obsession and just a dumb fad that I didn't want to be a part of.

Well, finally, I was convinced by Davie to go see it. I just wanted to see what this Twilight stuff is all about. I mean, it's definitely my cup of tea. I like sci-fi movies dealing with mythological creatures. You all know now that I was/am a big Buffy fan, so vampires definitely pique my interest. So, I said, "what the hell" and decided to go.

I must say that the movie was pretty good. A good balance of action and romance. It was an interesting story and it set up the mythology of the series very well. The characters were developed alright - though I wish there was more exploration of some of the characters.

All the Twilight fans have been going ape-shit over the character Edward Cullen (the main vampire character) played by Robert Pattinson. They're all soooo in love with him because they think he's SOOO hot. BLAH BLAH.. I really don't see it. Sure, there were some scenes where he was pretty cute. But I guess he just isn't my type.

But let me just say that I TOTALLY wanted to see more of Emmett Cullen played by Kellan Lutz! OMG, I'll take him over Edward ANY DAY! SO freakin hot. And if you don't believe me, here are some pictures of him to drool over.

Omg so freakin hot!! Especially that last picture of him! ::melt:: He can turn me into a vampire any time! mmmmmmmm... I will totally go see the movie again just to see him. His was one of the characters that I wanted more exploration of! Hopefully we get to see more of him in the next movie! :)


The Polls! So the CUISINE poll has ended. Thank you everyone for voting. It was cool to see what type of foods everyone likes.

For a while, Italian and Japanese were tied at 1st. But towards the last few days, Italian inched ahead and got 46% of the votes. Japanese received 32% of the votes. Americana was third with 25%. Chinese and Mexican cuisine came after that. And then there were some votes for British, Indiana, French, Greek, and Thai foods. All very yummy. :)

NEXT POLL: What kind of car do you drive?! These are the standard car categories so hopefully everyone's car(s) fit into one of them. And PLEASE let me know what car you actually drive. Would love to know! :)

Thursday, December 4, 2008

10 Things About Me

Well, I know I'm a little late to the game with these "10 things about me" posts, but I figured this would be the perfect time for me to do it since it's my 100th blog post! It was a little over 3 months ago when I first started this post. It's amazing to think that I've had so many experiences in such a short amount of time. And I'm so happy that I started the blog so that I can look back on everything I went through. And I'm also so happy to have you guys out there to chat with and share these experiences with. I've gotten to know some of you pretty well.

But I know that there are so many more of you out there. SO please don't be afraid to write me a comment or an email ( or even a message on Yahoo (NerdeusMaximus) or AIM (PowerOfBlast1). I would love to get to know more of you!

So I dedicate this 100th Post to all of you out there! =)

1. I was born in Hong Kong, China in the 22nd hour of October 17, 1984. I am six years younger than my sister. My parents had apparently tried really hard for another baby after my sister and were ecstatic to find out that they were having a son. Asians have this thing about favoring having sons over daughters... passing down the family line and blah blah blah. Wow, what a disappointment I'm going to be to them if/when they found out that I'm gay...

2. I have a "body cracking" routine when I go to sleep. When I get in bed, I lie on my back and bring my knees (one at a time) up and slightly to the side of my chest. This pops my hips. Then I keep my knees to my chest and twist my lower body to one side while keep my upper body still. This helps crack me back/spine. I do this on both sides, which relieves SOO much tension off my lower back. (I've mentioned that I have scoliosis so I have a lot of tension on my lower back). Then I adjust my hips left and right to make sure I'm comfortable. Then I bring my right ear to my right shoudler, and use my arm to assist my neck to crack. I do the same on the left side. Then I clasp my hands behind my head and bring my chin to my chest, slowly moving my head left and right. This cracks and relieves tension off my upper spine. And after all that, I'm totally relaxed and I usually fall asleep within a few minutes. Feels SOOOO good!

3. I have decided that my favorite movie is "Love Actually." Watched it tonight and loved every minute of it. Some of the scenes just makes me cry like a baby cuz it's so beautiful. The whole movie so well written!

4. I have secret aspirations to become a Broadway star. I think that would be the coolest thing to perform on Broadway. If only I could sing or dance...

5. When I was 15, my dad found me watching gay porn on my computer. Naturally, he and my mom freaked out. I don't really remember much because it was a pretty traumatic experience for me. I do remember my mom having a conversation with me asking me if it was my choice to watch the gay porn and then something about genetics. Hm...... Interesting. But that night, my dad came in my room and sat me down. Basically grilled me questions. Don't remember much of these questions. But he was basicaly demanding that I wasn't going to be looking at that stuff anymore. Wow, I just don't remember much from that night at all. But after a few days, to make my mom and dad happy, I remember going into their room and telling them that I had a crush on a girl at school. To this day, my mom still asks me about her.

6. I dated my ex-girlfriend for 6+ years. I've mentioned my ex-gf, Jen, before and how we're still great friends now. So now you know that we have a lot of history together. We started dating when I was a senior in HS and she was a junior. We had some really great times. But I already knew I liked boys at the time, even though I was trying to supress it. I tried convincing myself that I really did like girls, but as years went by, I just couldn't deny it any more. Then one day, while I was on a family vacation in Japan with my family, my ex-gf snooped on my computer and found my porn. She was really angry at me, but when I got back to the US, we decided, somehow, that we would work it out. I don't know what the hell we were thinking. I don't exactly know what we planned when we said we would work it out. I guess maybe I was going to supress my feelings for boys. But it never worked. And finally, after another year, we decided to officially break up. Yes, a year. And it was a pretty sad year. We practically never saw each other (even though we lived together) and just ignored and avoided the problem. Breaking up was the best decision that we made for the both of us. We moved out in June of this year, and the rest is what you all have been reading here.

7. I have a pillow that I have to sleep with at night. It's a pillow that I've had since I was 2. Yes, the same exact pillow. It's a very small pillow... the pillows that you would give to babies. And that's why I call it "Small Pillow." It's the same pillow, but a different pillowcase. But this particular pillowcase I've actually had since I was 6. I sleep with it in my arms every night. I don't take it with me on trips though.. just when I'm at home. These days, I just pretend Small Pillow is a boy that I love and I'm cuddling with him while I sleep.

8. I was, and still am, a HUGE Buffy The Vampire Slayer fan. I wasn't a fan of the movie.. just the TV series. I have all 7 seasons on DVD. And I also have the spinoff series, Angel, all on DVD as well. It was 8 years of my life (Angel went on for one more year longer than Buffy), and I loved every part of it.

9. I have never done anything that you would count as "outdoorsy." I have never gone camping. I have never been at a bonfire. I have never been backpacking. The closest was going to Band Camp up in the mountains, but we still had cabins to stay in and stuff. So it really doesn't count. Though I say I would LOVE to go camping some day, I feel like I'd be too much of a city boy to enjoy "grunging" it in the outdoors. But maybe if I was with a boy that I really like, it wouldn't matter ;)

10. I am Blue-Purple color blind. Those color blind tests with the dots and you see numbers... I can't do those. Most of them, I can't see the correct numbers. They make it so that if you're a certain type of color blindness, we see a different number than those with normal vision. I remember my first time taking the test at the eye doctors, and the doctor had my mom come into the room. I said some number, and my mom was like, "Are you serious? That's the number that you see?" And I was like... "Yea, what's the problem??" LOL. So I can't really distinguish blues and purples very well. I also use it as an excuse for my horrible fashion sense. :P

Well, I hope that this gas given you a better glimpse into my life. If you have any questions or comments about any of it, PLEASE don't hesitate to contact me. Again, I love to make new friends online, so just go ahead and email or IM me. :) I promise I'm a nice guy!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Responding to Comments

I just want to thank everyone for taking the time to answer some of those questions. Those two questions about Date Guy Matt and my friend (Jeffrey) breaking up were more questions for myself to find out and ponder. But I definitely thought through all of your responses to the other questions and I think it has really helped me make a decision about this guy.

HCI: Shouldn't him being Jeffrey's ex affect things? I mean, would you want your friend dating your ex? That just keeps going through my head. Or is that not that big of a deal anymore? I really don't know. And I guess I would have to ask Jeffrey. BUT, he's still in Paris and hardly ever gets online. Oh.. and the other thing.. he doesn't know I'm gay yet.. That creates a problem...

Gay Snowboarder: I tend to stress over guys, don't I? That's bad... You're right that not too much energy should be wasted on him... but he's just some damn HOT though. It's hard to get over that.

James: It's in my nature to forgive people. I hardly ever hold a grudge... He really should've called or contacted me in SOME way. But at least he did apologize afterwards, right?

Midori: You're totally right... I made it too big of a deal. Again, I tend to do that a lot. Perhaps, in the future, I need to just calm down more and not stress over it and blow it out of proportion. And yes, shelving him as a possible friend/date sounds like a good idea. I don't think I should put too much stock in this guy.

Aron: A little obsessive? What made you think that? lol. And I will try to detach myself from any expectations. Thank you for that advice.

E: Haha... simple and succinct. Thanks.

AJ: Yeah - he SHOULD make it up to me! So we'll see how it goes.

Steevo: Flakes.... hate them. Unless they're Frosted Flakes... in which case they're G-R-R-R-EAT!

Joshua: I think you hit the nail on the head about how him being Jeffrey's ex affects things. And I seriously wouldn't know if Jeffrey would approve or not. There's just so many "what ifs" to this situation!

Barry: (From Yahoo chat) He definitely does owe me... so you're right in telling me not to go out of my way to chat with him. And yeah, why didn't he message me sooner? What IS he trying to avoid?

So I really want to thank you guys for commenting and giving me your advice.
My Decision: I'm going to STOP initiating contact with him. If he wants to talk to me, then he'll message me. If he does, then I will talk to him and see where it goes. And he definitely would have to make up for standing me up some how. For now, I will try not to let my knowledge of him being Jeffrey's ex affect me. I think we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. If he doesn't contact me, then whatever... his loss, I guess. I mean, it's going to be hard to just stop contacting him because he's seriously the hottest guy that's ever paid any attention to me, but what good is he if he's not into me?

I'm glad I've made this decision and even more thankful that I had you guys to help me through it. All you guys are THE BEST! :)

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Date Guy Matt

Ok, so more about Date Guy Matt. Logged on to the dating site and got a message from him.

hey, im sorry. things got busy for me here - family ended up coming over since we didnt ALL get together for the holiday. lets try and reschedule tho. it wasnt intentional

I asked about his phone and his AIM and he said his phone has been acting up and his AIM logs on automatically on his computer that he doesn't use. Sounds like excuses... but I guess I'm too nice and gave him another chance. So I started emailing back and forth again.

Well, today, my buddy Jon calls me up and tells me to get on Facebook to look something up. APPARENTLY, Matt and I have met before. Jon knew he had looked familiar to him. And I thought he looked familiar too. Matt is actually the ex of one of my good friends from work. My friend is in Paris right now for work, but he's back in January. Sigh... how complicated can this be?

Lots of questions:
  • Do I forgive him for standing me up?
  • Are those excuses good enough?
  • Should I continue to talk with him?
  • How does he being my friend's ex affect things?
  • How did he and my friend break up?
  • Did they even truly break up or was it because he was in a different country?
  • Is this way too many questions to waste on one guy?
How ridiculous....

Monday, December 1, 2008

Christmas @ Disneyland!

Isn't Small World so beautiful for the holidays?? Don't you wish you were here with me?! LOL.