Showing posts with label Matty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Matty. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I'm Not Dead

Wow... how long has it been? I'm not dead. I've just been busy... and lazy.
New "parade" opened at Disneyland. Opening weekend was GREAT. Crowd was amazing. Lots of my friends came to support it. Too bad a lot of Disney-Fanboys (and fangirls) hate it... They think it just doesn't belong in Disneyland... not traditional enough for them. They miss the old parade. BLAH... it kinda puts a damper on things. Wish I just didn't know about these "reviews." Oh well.

Debating whether or not to post a video of the show on here. Help me decide.

So my crush at work... only works ONE day on the parade. And it's on a day that I'm OFF. BLAH. sucks big time. He's so hot. I can't stop staring at him when he's around. He actually showed up to the Pizza Party that I organized at a local Shakey's Pizza Parlor. I was surprised to see him. Too bad we still didn't get to know each other better. I did get a picture with him though. HEHE.

There is another boy at work that I DO see around all the time. He's super hot/cute. AND he rides a motorcycle. DANGEROUS! hehe. Something about the bike that makes him even hotter. Too bad he's taken... going out with someone else in the parade. sigh....

Am I ever going to find a boy of my own? And one that doesn't annoy the hell out of me? lol. Matty has been IMing and Facebook chatting me ALL the time. And it's just too much. I feel bad.. but it's just really annoying. So I really don't feel all THAT bad when I just ignore him. I almost want to just block him from AIM and delete him from my Facebook friends... sigh...

Well I hope everyone is doing well! I'm going to try and get back to blogging more often. And also stay more up to date on all your blogs. Promise!

P.S. I just re-read this post here... I just realized that I write so horribly. It's really just like a stream of consciousness. Am I even writing in complete sentences, or is it just a bunch of fragments? I'm going to make an effort to write a little better. I don't know... unless you guys like the way I write. But reading it back just kind of bothered me because I don't think any other blogs read that way. It really makes me look very uneducated... but I swear, I graduated from UCLA! LOL.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Oh! 10,000 Views!

HAHA, so I totally forgot to keep track and already received my 10,000th view! Probably a few days ago! YAY! I'm so happy to have so many viewers (cuz you all know I'm a reader and comment whore) and I'm just glad that you guys come back to read up on my life. I'm happy to share it with all of you. :)

Not too much to say right now....
On Monday night, Matty called me to see what I was up to. I told him that I was actually on my way out (semi-true) but that he should stop by real quick because he left his cheese grater at my place. I told him to give me a call when he made it downstairs so that I could run it down to him. I didn't want him to come up, just because I don't want to lead him on anymore. So he called me, I went downstairs, and I gave him his grater. He had just come from his second-chance audition at Disney, but got cut again. So he had this horribly bummed and "feel sad for me, please" face. Wasn't working on me though. We just gave each other a hug and then I said goodbye and went back upstairs. We've only been in contact sparsely through text and AIM since then.

And updating everyone about my documentary film, I just finished all the scheduled interviews today. Had a REAL long day of interviews on my very last day! Everyone waited until the last minute to sign up for an interview! LOL. So, now it's time to edit edit edit! I have 7 hours of interview footage to go through. And then there's additional footage to sift through and insert into the film. Such a huge project. I'm never going to finish by my Feb 13 deadline.... wish me luck.

Responding to the comments about the Dealbreaker: Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm happy that you support me on the no-smoking rule. I have to say I was being way bitchy in the post. But I think that's just cuz I was just REALLY over him that night and needed to vent. Then responding to comments about me leaving for Hong Kong: Thanks for the well wishes! It's really not a very "relaxing" vacation because I'm going to be running around a lot, getting all the business done. But hopefully I will find some time to head to Disneyland and to have some great food. As for calling myself fatty... I just like to be self-deprecating... if you haven't figured that out yet. But in all honesty, I think I'm in the best shape in a REAL long time. And it's just going to get better once the new parade starts! Now I want to work on my arms, chest, shoulders, and back. Anyone have any good dumbbell exercises to share for those muscle groups?

Alright... this is my last post until I get to Hong Kong! "Talk" to you all then!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Audition and Dealbreaker

I'm actually pretty tired right now again, but I want to write about what happened the past two days before I forget too much. Well, on Friday night, Matty came over for dinner. We went to the store to buy some last minute ingredients. Matty made veggie potstickers from scratch and I made my famous fried rice (sans meat) and a banana-chocolate bread. I must say that our dinner was a great success. Everything tasted amazing. I LOVED my fried rice. hehe. Even though it didn't have any meat in it, it still tasted like good fried rice. That is until Matty tampered with it. He said it needed more pepper. And I agreed with him, so I asked him to just sprinkle pepper into the wok. I was doing something else while he was doing that, but then I realized after about 15-20 seconds, he was STILL sprinkling pepper into it... and of course, when I got my plate of fried rice, it was WAY too pepper-y. He enjoyed it... but it really took away from the flavor of my fried rice. booo. strike one.

After dinner, we sat on the couch to watch a little bit of TV. We were both on our computers checking our emails and facebooks. Then he started telling me about this new anime cartoon that his friend got him hooked on. I have NO idea what it's about... something about super heroes that like food? I don't know... but he kept going on and on about it. Could he really not tell that I wasn't listening to him anymore? I think he must've talked for a good 10 minutes, explaining the anime in detail... didn't hear a word. Blah Blah Blah. strike two.

Well, not everything was bad though. We did have our sexy time. Got a little hot and heavy on the couch this time. Made out on the couch for a while, then took each others clothes off and made out naked on the couch for a while. Then I gave his dick some attention with my mouth. He seemed to like that. :P And then I climbed on top of him and rode him until I came on his stomach. Man, it felt good. ;) Took a shower together afterwards. He told me I looked good while we were in there. Said he liked my muscles and my abs. Ha. Sure said the right things there. guess I'll rescind strike two.

That night, he slept in my bed. We went to bed at 10:30pm. So early! It was because we were both going to the audition for the new parade at Disneyland. We wanted to get enough rest so that we could look our best for the audition. Well, I guess I'm just not used to sharing my bed.. especially my super dinky twin size bed made for one person. I was tossing and turning all night. I couldn't find a comfortable position. All the while, Matty was sound asleep. Blah... nerves about the audition probably didn't help the sleeping problem.. afterall, my income depended on it. I NEEDED to get this parade. It was real important to me.

So we wake up in the morning. We have some of my banana-chocolate bread for breakfast... YUMMY! And then we grab our stuff and head down to our cars. We had to drive separately because I was going to be leaving the audition to go to my other job, so we couldn't carpool. Well, when he got down to his car, he says to me: "So, my friend Bianca gave me this cigarette. Do you mind if I smoke it?" Err... first of all, I HATE smokers. I can't stand cigarette smoke. I just can't. When I was 10 years old, I was taking a 16 hour flight to Hong Kong. Back then, smoking had not been banned from flight yet. There were still smoking sections on the plane. And of course, our family was stuck in the smoking section. I had to endure 16 hours of secondhand smoke. THAT is why I cannot stand smoking. I told him: "Well, you can do whatever you want (because I'm not about to tell him what he can or can't do), but I just really hate smokers." And then I walked away and went to my car... strike two.

We got to the parking lot at backstage Disney, and we walk down together. I could smell the smoke on him. Just lovely... We get to the "holding area" for the audition, and I see a bunch of my friends standing together and chatting. I decide to stand elsewhere with Matty. I just didn't want to introduce my friends to Matty... that's so bad, isn't it? I just didn't want to deal with having to explain who Matty was. I'm still not out to everyone at work, and the day of the audition was definitely NOT going to be the day that that was going to happen. So I just kinda stayed off to the side with Matty.

We finally get in and we start to learn our first dance. I picked up the dance right away. It was a moderate level dance, but you gotta really be able to move to make it look good. Matty looked like he struggled with it. Despite what he says about having danced before, I could tell that he was not a dancer. I was pretty confident with it and I was getting into my "zone." When I'm at auditions, I just have this way of getting focused and doing what I need to do to learn it and retain the choreography. And that includes NOT over practicing it because it'll just screw me up later. So when they gave us time to practice it on our own, I sat down and just concentrated and visualized the dance in my head. Matty, however, was frantically going over the steps. He kept asking me questions about the choreography. And I would help him. I'd remind him the order of the routine and gave him some pointers on how to make it look better. I occasionally stood up and went through the routine with him, but again, this was already going out of my "zone." And because I didn't want to over practice, I didn't do the choreography full out with him, and he got mad at me! He was frustrated with how slowly he was getting the routine and then he was taking it out on me!! I thought to myself, "HOLD ON HERE. I'm trying to help you right now, but instead you're mad at ME for not doing it full out! I'm SORRY that I'm trying to concentrate on the routine in my own way. I have much more at stake than you do! I NEED this job. You're doing this for fun. ARGH." An overwhelming strike three!

Needless to say, Matty didn't make it pass the first cut. He was called into another room with about 100 other boys. They were told to either go home or come back on Monday for a stilt audition. Matty was asked to come back for the stilts. Apparently, he's going, even though his facebook status says that he feels he has no chance. Whatever. After his attitude at the audition, I was completely over him.

Strike 1 and 2A weren't that bad. But strike 2B and 3 were definite dealbreakers, in my book. When we first met, I told him that I didn't like smokers. I had clearly asked if he smoked. And I told him my story about the plane. And he told me that he had just recently quit, and I had told him that I was proud of him for doing that. Guess that didn't last very long. I just CANNOT date a smoker.. it's seriously one thing I REFUSE to do. And as for his attitude at the audition, I just think it was selfish of him to not recognize the importance of the audition to me and how I needed to concentrate on the audition in my own way. I had expressed to him a few times during the audition about how I go about concentrating and focusing. But I guess he just didn't listen and was just worried about himself. Like I said, I tried to help, but really, there wasn't much I could do for him.

I think I'm going to be seeing him again tomorrow, since he'll be at the stilt audition. I'm just going to tell him that it's not working out with the two of us. We just don't have that much in common and I'm going to tell him that smoking is pretty much a dealbreaker for me. Just gotta end this.

God, I must sound like a bitch... tell me what you guys think... am I being ridiculous? Or do you agree with me?

P.S. After my audition, I still had to go to my second job. So when I came home at night, I was exhausted and wanted to just rest on my bed. But when I got in my bed, all I could smell was cigarette smoke that had gotten into my blanket and my sheets. Matty had smelled like cigarette smoke when he spent the night... I had just assumed that he was around friends that smoked... so I didn't question him about it. But now knowing that he had started smoking again, I just couldn't help but blame HIM for making my bed all smelly. Just when I thought I could take a much needed nap on my bed, I had to instead take off my blanket and my sheets and wash them. THAT is why I had to wash my sheets... sorry it wasn't anything naughty. LOL.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dinner Plans

Today, I hung out with a few friends from work. We all got together for the filming of my video. Towards the end of the day, my friend Pip (one of the funniest girls I know) asked if we were all free for dinner tomorrow. She had been planning a big dinner for the longest time (since Christmas) and we just all haven't been together to plan it, since we're all unemployed and all. But when she asked me, I had to decline because Matty is coming down tomorrow night and we're having dinner together and he's staying the night again.

Well, the moment I said I had dinner plans, of course everyone asks, "Is it a date?" I didn't know what to say... Like E over in I Gotta Story To Tell I was blindsided by the question and didn't know how to respond. Only one person there knew that I'm gay. Everyone else were close friends, but I had not come out to them yet. So, I just deny that it's a date, but that just made it even more obvious that it really is a date. They kept asking me who I was going on a date with. Interestingly, noone asked, "who is she?" They kept it gender neutral....

They all seemed genuinely excited for me to know that I was going on a date, but I just could not bring myself to tell them it's with a boy. I guess I just didn't feel like it was the right situation in which to come out to them. I'd rather it be a bit more of an intimate moment...

We were all heading out to our cars during all this. So during our walk to the cars, they all pretty much dropped it, because it was obvious to them that they weren't going to get anything out of me. We all said our goodbyes, but I got in the car with Pip because she was taking me to my car (I parked elsewhere). As we buckled our seat belts, she asked me again who my date is. This was the kind of "more intimate moment" that I was talking about. But yet again, I could not bring myself to tell her. I don't know what was holding me back. She gave me several chances to do it. But I did not do it.

I thought I was pass this. I thought I had been ready to tell my friends. I had told myself before that if they ask, I would tell them. And that I wasn't going to lie to them anymore. Well... technically, I didn't lie, because I just refused to tell them who it was with. But still, I just don't know why I didn't tell her.

I'm kind of disappointed in myself...

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Bromance, Viriginity

Has anyone watched Bromance on MTV? I didn't realize it was a competition series where Brodie Jenner "auditions" guys to be a part of his posse. Sigh... how ridiculous. Ok, I gotta admit: Brodie Jenner is pretty hot. He has a nice-ish body and really good looks. But how the hell did he get his own tv show?? And the episode I just watched had him randomly taking a shower and his two current friends barge in asking him for something. Obvious ploy just to get a shot of him taking a shower and showing off his body/tattoos (cuz they used the shower shot several times later in the episode). I just thought it was the most ridiculous thing I've ever watched, yet I couldn't bring myself to change the channel. Kinda like a multi-car collision being broadcast on the news, I guess.

While watching TV, I was chatting with Matty online. He told me he was watching Juno. (GREAT movie, by the way!) He randomly quotes the movie: "At least I still have your virginity." I forget which part of the movie that is.. but then after a few minutes, he proceeds to ask me, "So who has your virginity?" Is it just me, or is that not a very personal question to ask? I kinda just laughed it off and told him it would be a story for another time. But I was thinking to myself, "Did he really just ask me that?" I'm not really making that big of a deal out of it, but I just thought I'd share and get your opinions on the matter. I guess I loss my virginity twice... first time having vaginal intercourse (yes.. ewww... get it out... lol) and then being on the receiving end of anal intercourse. And lots of drama in both cases - I just didn't want to open that door, I guess.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

"This is going to sound horrible..."

So I had the talk with Matty. To paraphrase, I told him that I'm just not ready to spend so much time together so soon and that we're just moving too fast. I told him it was my fault for not speaking up about it earlier, but I just wasn't ready for a relationship yet. He asked if he should just stop coming around. I told him that I enjoyed our time together and that we should still come over to play video games and hang out from time to time.

After the talk, we were both online but we didn't IM each other for the longest time. And then out of nowhere he IMs me and asks me what I was doing. So I tell him I'm watching TV and Facebook-ing. He tells me he's watching a movie. We have some chit chat for a bit. Then he says, "ok, this is going to sound horrible... but can we still have sex?"

LOL. I really did "LOL" him back on IM. Followed be a "hahahaha." And then a "sure." :P

HAHA, so I take it that he took "the talk" real well. ;) And now I guess I have my first friend with benefits! Never had one of those before!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Video Games

So Matty just left. But we had a nice 2.5 days.

After our dinner on the first night, we played some Nintendo Wii. We had actually started playing the Wii last night after dinner. We started with Mario Kart. It was fun, but it was starting to get a little tense with the competition... so I suggested a different game. And when he saw "Marvel Ultimate Alliance", his eyes lit up. lol. So we played that for the rest of the night. I think we must have played 5 hours before we went to bed.

The next morning, we woke up next to each other, with him playing with my hard-on. It was fun, to say the least, to get jacked off when waking up. ;) Then, we had a real low key day. We met up with two of his friends for lunch at one of my favorite sushi restaurants. I was hesitant to meet his friends, but that's cuz I'm really anti-social. But, it turned out real well. We just chatted and it wasn't awkward. They were really nice people and it was cool to hang out with them.

Afterwards, Matty and I came back to my apartment and we continued to play Marvel. We did that for the rest of the night. lol. We made cookies when we got hungry, but we didn't actually eat a real dinner. We played until 1am. And we beat the game! WOOO! LOL. It was real fun. At the very end, we decided to put in a few cheat codes just to make it a little more fun. HEHE.

We then took a shower together, and we had a little fun in there. I really do love showers. ;)

This morning, we went to ramen together. He tried a new ramen and didn't like it as much as last time. But he paid for me this time. Very sweet of him. Only thing that bothered me about today was that he kept asking me to speak Cantonese. I forgot how we got on that topic, but I told him I was born in Hong Kong. And he wanted me to speak it. But it's one of my BIGGEST pet peeves to have someone ask me to speak Cantonese. I don't know why... it just bothers me a lot. And the more someone asks me, the more I won't want to do it. And he just kept asking me and I didn't like that. I asked him to stop asking me and finally he did. But do you guys have a weird pet peeve like that? If you don't, then I guess you wouldn't understand.. but it REALLY REALLY bothers me.

So you all must be wondering... what's the verdict on Matty. Well... I think that he's looking for more than what I'm looking for. I think that we've actually moved a little too quickly for my tastes. Both times he has stayed over more than a day. It's just a lot of time to spend with someone you're just trying to get to know right now. And though he's a sweet boy and I could tell he tried to be less pessimistic about stuff (for example: he caught himself when he wanted to say "I hate my life."), but it was the fact that he had to catch himself because he WAS going to say it... it just turns me off.

And also being with his friends, I can tell that he has a lot of drama surrounding him and his friends and I try to stay away from drama as much as possible. I'm sure he's not causing the drama, but if drama follows him, then I'm not sure I want to be around that.

So I guess I'm saying that Matty would be a really good friend to have, I don't think much more will come from it. I just have to find a way to let him know how I feel about it. Any suggestions on how to have "the talk" with him?

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A Day Away

So only about a little more than a day before I see Matty again. I'm actually really excited to see him. We're going to be having a pretty low key time together, mostly because I don't have much money due to my financial situation. When he comes down, he's actually making dinner for me. He has a whole menu set. We're getting the stuff we need at the store when he gets here, and then he's cooking. :) I've never had someone cook for me before. It's pretty cool. hehe.

He will be spending the night since he lives so far away. The next day, we're going to have ramen again. YUM. He liked it so much last time that he wants to go again. And this time he's paying. ;) No objections to that!

So I want to thank everyone for your comments and input on my situation from my last post. He didn't seem to be phased by my text. And I'm hoping that he tries to be a little more positive when he sees me. I think I'm just being honest with him and sharing my thoughts and by him accepting that, it's actually showing maturity, which is a step in the right direction. :)

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In other news, in preparation for the 5th season premiere of Lost on January 21st, I'm re-watching all of Season 4 right now. My sister bought some bootleg DVDs (people recorded the show off the TV and placed them all on DVDs to sell them) and I stole them from her tonight. So I'm going to watch them straight through. I'm on Episode 3 now. There are 13 episodes. It'll take me a little more than a day. :)

More other news, tomorrow (today... Sunday) is the last day of employment for me... I'm still trying to find a job. I'm going ot be actively looking for jobs this coming work week. I don't know where to even start, but I'll just go around filling out applications or something. I guess anything will do... but I really refuse to work fast food. I just... can't do it. Starbucks is fine.. but something like McDonald's? ... no way. Well.. wish me luck on that!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

My Thoughts on Matty

In a little bit over 2 days, Matty will be coming down to visit me. I'm happy to be able to spend some time with him soon. It'll give us time to get to know each other more. We promised each other that we'd talk and find out more about each other.

I just want him to come down already, because I still have some apprehensions about starting any type of serious relationship with him.. all based on my first date with him and the texts that we've sent each other. Maybe when we get to know each other better, these apprehensions will go away.

But there are several things that cause my apprehensions. You've already read about the bowling incident... Well, for New Year's, Matty went to a party that his friend invited him to. When I called him to say hi before the New Year, he told me all about how his friend ignored him and the rest of his friends after they got there. And also that he hates life because his friends all suck. And that he wanted to go in the hot tub but her friend told her she didn't want anyone in it because she'd have to clean it the next day, but he was going to do it anyway.

I was actually at MY New Year's party when I made the phone call. And just hearing his situation brought my mood down a bit. I was frustrated for him and wondered why his friend would be so inconsiderate. But I was also frustrated at Matty that almost everything that he's ever talked about has been a downer... He's always talking about how shitty his friends are and how poorly he is treated by the people he knows. He talks about how much he hates life and how badly his life sucks.

I know some of that stuff is out of his control, but I also feel like he likes to sulk and be pessimistic about things. That's just not the the type of person I want to have a relationship with. I know I'm not the most optimistic person you'll meet, but that's more reason why I need someone more positive in my life.

So tonight, after another text from him about hating life, I text this to him:
I hope you don't hate me for saying this but I don't like it when you tell me you hate your life. I like people who can be more positive.

Was that too harsh? He replies with some sort of explanation that I don't really understand... something about saying how things suck right now makes it easier for him to take another new step. But that he really is a positive person.

Well, I guess I'm just glad I got that off my chest. His pessimism was really starting to get to me. And hopefully by me calling him out on it, he won't be so .... whiny anymore. It's just a big turn off for me.

Does it sound like I'm trying to change him? Cuz that's not my intention. But I just wanted him to know what I like and what I dislike... Could I have handled it differently? Said something different? In any case, do you guys agree that it's sort of a turn off?

Monday, December 29, 2008

Dating?

What does the term "dating" mean nowadays? I don't even know. I dated my ex-girlfriend for 6.5 years... I didn't date anyone before that. So I really don't know what constitutes "dating" anymore. When I think dating, I think boyfriends. So you must know how I felt when I received a text from Matty a few days ago saying, "I think we should date."

I didn't even know how to respond to that. In a sort of panic, I wrote back: "Matty, I like you but I don't hink I'm ready for anything official yet. Let's just see where things take us."

He responds: "Haha, that's what I think dating is :P"

Me: "Just checking to see if we were on the same page."

Matty: "If I want more I'd have jumped to the boyfriend thing haha! but want to make sure you're not crazy first :P"

So yeah... I don't know what to think about that. I'm not sure if he really is just looking for something unofficial right now or if he just kinda went back on it because I responded telling him I'm not ready.

I never got the difference between "seeing each other" and "dating" and all that terminology. It's all so confusing!

Like I said before, I'm still hung up on how young he is. Though I do plan on seeing him again (in a week) so that I can get to know him better, I'm not getting my hopes up too high.. and I don't want him to get his hopes high either. If in our next meeting, I still don't feel it progressing any further between the two of us, I'm going to have to let him know exactly how I feel about it. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I didn't.

Of course, I'm hoping for the best, but I really just have my reservations about him still.

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Date: Details

I finally have some time to sit down and post about my time with Matty. I have a feeling that this post is going to be a rather long one, since many of you wanted DETAILS about what happened. So I think I'm going to bore you guys with the nitty gritty details that you asked for! So I suggest you go and get yourself a snack to eat and a drink while reading this, because who knows how long it'll take you to finish. :P

So in my post "Tuesday's Plans Expanded" I explained that instead of only coming down for bowling and burgers, Matty would come early in the day to have ramen for lunch, Disneyland during the day, and then bowling and burgers. That post was me freaking out about finding things to talk about with our extended date. Well, if you also read the comments in that post, I actually posted an extra update. Well, to explain, the weather forecast for Tuesday was rain. And in the area that Matty lives in, the high desert, it means that there would be snow. And when there's snow, the roads going out of his town and towards my area would be closed. Basically, neither of us wanted to postpone our date, so I asked if he would like to join my friends and me in a Nintendo Wii party that I was throwing at my place. He would stay over at my place after the party, and then we could go about our date the next day. He agreed that it would be a good idea.

Well, he came to the party on Monday night. He actually got to my apartment early while I was still at work, so he just kept himself company in his car for two hours. I felt so bad to have made him wait like that! When I got home, he was bundled up inside his car and sleeping. I called him to wake him up and he had this cute "just woke up" face. Thankfully, it wasn't an awkward meeting. I offered to help him carry stuff up to the apartment and we talked about his drive down here. Prior to meeting him, we had been texting and he mentioned he hadn't eaten anything, so I offered to make him a grilled cheese sandwich when he got to my place. So once we both got settled in, I made him his sandwich. He seemed to like it, because he asked for a second one. :)

Pretty soon, my friends showed up for the party. One by one, they came in, and I introduced them to Matty. My friends weren't nosy about how I knew him and who exactly he was until later in the night... I'm glad my friends aren't nosy like that, or else it would've been awkward for me. But Matty got along great with them. He joined in on some of the games, but didn't hog the time. I spent my night close to him, making sure he wasn't feeling left out or anything, while still being a good host to my other friends. Towards the end of the party, some of them DID ask who exactly Matty was, to which I just answered that he was a friend of a friend. They didn't pry. Some of them actually don't know that I'm gay... or at least, I haven't explicitly told them that I'm gay, but I think they all assume that I am. (At Disney, the assumption is that you're gay unless proven straight. lol)

By 2am, only about 7 people remained at the party, and we were all tired. So they all left and Matty and I were left alone in the apartment. I sat next to him on the couch for a bit asking how he was and if he had fun. We just had a bit of small talk.. don't remembe exactly what we talked about but conversation did seem to flow easily. After a bit, I told him that I wanted to shower before I went to bed since I had a long day of work before. So I got up to get my stuff ready for a shower. He stood up as well and proceeded to the "bedroom." (I live in a studio apartment, so the living room and the bedroom is pretty much the same room, but I placed my entertainment center in the middle of it to section off the two "rooms")

He sat on my bed and kinda made fun of how small it was. I only have a twin bed because I kept my bed from my college years, where space was limited and we didn't have room for bigger beds. I told him that I spent a lot of money on the bed and that I liked how comfortable it is, so I never traded it for a bigger bed. He then wanted to test how comfortable it was for himself, so he laid down on it. I kinda took that hint and went over and sat on the edge of the bed to talk to him. I then propped myself up at the head of the bed and had my legs up on the bed, while Matty was lying face down on the bed next to me. We stopped talking for a bit, both of us were tired, and so I ran my fingers through his soft hair. He seemed to like it because he didn't move. Then he picked up his arm and wrapped it around my legs. We stayed that way for a while as we both dozed off a bit. I then moved my arm to make myself a little more comfortable, at which point he looked up, and grabbed me and pulled me down so that I would join him laying down. We were face to face when he told me that I was cute. :) And then he moved in for the kiss.

We kissed for a good few minutes. We explored each other's bodies as we made out. He would slide his hand beneath my shirt and feel my chest and I would reach under his shirt and run my fingers up and down his back. All the while, I was developing a boner and it was pushing up against my jeans. As I explored his body, I let arm brush up against his crotch area a few times and I could tell that he was getting hard as well. After a few more minutes, he looks at me and tells me that he's ready to take a shower and that he didn't want to take it alone. So I said, "OK!"

We go to the shower and we strip. He was definitely already hard. He has a nice cut, 7.5-ish dick. I didn't measure and I didn't ask, so it's just a rough estimate. We jump into the shower and I immediately have a good time. I don't know if I've ever said anything about this, but fooling around in the shower is one of my recurring fantasies. So having the shower be our first sexual activity together was definitely a major turn on.

So a little description of Matty: He's 19 years old and around 5'11". He's a skinnier boy, but he definitely has a small tummy... it's kinda cute ;) but I do usually find guys with a more toned and muscular body to be hotter. He's sort of an emo kid, longer hair that goes over his eyes (after he straightens it, because he has naturally curly/wavy hair) and again, I don't usually go for the emo guys... but I'm sure Mirrorboy would LOVE Matty. ;)

In the shower, we continue to make out and jerk each other off. He then takes charge a little and kinda spreads my legs with his legs as we're kissing, and I took the hint that he wanted me to go down on him. Have I told you guys that I've only blown one other guy before? This was only going to be my second time giving a BJ. I was a little nervous, but I just went for it. He seemed to like it. After a while, he motioned for me to get back up. And then he got down and sucked me off for a bit. It felt great to be under the running water and getting a BJ. HOT!! When he got back up, he continued to take charge. He turned me around and pushed me up against the shower wall. He grabbed both my hands and placed them on the wall as he grinded his dick against my ass. Omg, that was seriously hot. I'm getting hard right now just thinking about it. He pushed his body up against mine and let his cock just slide between my ass cheeks and continued pumping himself like that. He then reached around and started jerking me off hard and fast while he grinded against me. We both came pretty much at the same time. Damn, it was so fun!! I love shower fun!! ;)

We cleaned up and got out of the shower. We then got ready for bed and he told me that he was going to have to share my tiny bed with him now. ;) I didn't object. We cuddled in bed, him holding me, as we both fell asleep. In the middle of the night, we kinda shifted positions, and it wasn't the best night's sleep because my bed is so damn small, but it was still comfy to know that he was next to me.

The next morning, we woke up at around 9:30am and got ready to go have ramen at this restaurant that my friends and I go to all the time. We arrived and saw that they didn't open for another 45 minutes.. so I decided that we should go to the nearest shopping center (South Coast Plaza) to walk around a bit and do some window shopping. During this time, we had some conversations about TV shows, most prominently Heroes. We're both Heroes fans and we got into some discussions about the plot of the series and our favorite super hero powers. :) I was glad that I could be geeky with him. We continued the conversations when we sat down for food. Again, not much awkward silences or anything. I think it was a good balance of me asking questions and him asking questions too. :) I was happy that it was going smoothly.

Since we got to ramen early, we also ended lunch early, so we drove back to my apartment to unwind a bit before I had to go to work. And when I say unwind, I mean we got to laying on the bed again. And when in bed, we both got horny. ;) Pretty soon, we were both naked and grinding up against each other. After a bit of that, I couldn't wait any longer and I went to grab a condom and lube. He quickly put the condom and lube on. I laid on my back and he threw my legs up in the air. Ok, so reminder that I hadn't had sex since Jamie in September... so I was a bit nervous about how much it would hurt. Well, thank goodness he used a good amount of lube. He slid inside me without too much trouble and he went slowly at first (thank goodness). There was some pain at first, but it soon subsided a bit. But I guess he was a little bigger than I thought because everytime he thrust deep inside me, I felt pressure inside. It was a little bit of pain... discomfort, I guess. But depending on the position of my legs in the air, it felt better. I don't know, is that normal? Should I be feeling that pressure/discomfort? hopefully some of you can help answer that for me?

Anyway, there was more pleasure than there was pain. And I enjoyed him fucking me deep and hard. I'm pretty sure I was pretty vocal during sex. Lots of moaning to be heard by my neighbors. LOL. It really felt good. I told him to go faster, and he did, and pretty soon we both came one right after the other. Oh it was great! Too bad it didn't last longer because I had to get to work!

I then dropped him off at Disneyland while I went to work. He watched me perform in all my parades. But he was alone the whole time, just exploring the park by himself. I did have 1.5 hours where I accompanied him in the park (during my lunch break). We went shopping for some Christmas gifts for his cousin (since I get a good discount). While shopping, there was this really cute Tigger and Eeyore doll that doubles as a pillow. We both it was so cute.. especially the Eeyore. He's one of my favorite characters. ;) He asked my opinion of whether he should get Tigger or Eeyore, so of course I tell him Eeyore. Such a soft pillow Eeyore makes!

After 8 hours in the park, I finally pick him up and we go off to the bowling alley. We get inside and get our rental shoes and our lane. So the first game, Matty did well. He started off strong, with some spares and strikes. I on the other hand was sucking real bad and guttered my first two frames. I got a few pins towards the end. First game results: Matty-111, Doug-68. I was hating life, but I was still having fun. I was more embarrassed than anything, cuz I totally wanted to be good at it! Well, second game came along, Matty didn't start off very good. I think he got only one or two pins the first two frames. I, on the other hand, started to get the hang of it and was doing better. I picked up a few spares and even some strikes. Matty continued to do poorly and kept guttering. Each time he guttered, he got real frustrated. He would walk back after a gutter and I would try to cheer him up. But he seemed really pissed off. After his turns, he would stand in the back, with his arms folded. I asked if he was ok, and he would only give one word answers. It was obvious that we weren't going to play another game. Not with this attitude.

Let me just say that at this point, I was REALLY turned off by his attitude. I understand being frustrated about not doing well in the game. I mean, I wasn't doing all that well in the first game either! But I played it off and just kinda laughed at how horrible I was. But he couldn't do that. And it just shows that he's a bit young and immature for me. I just couldn't get over the fact that he was pouting and not talking to me. I mean, he's on a date. No matter how pissed off he really is, wouldn't you think he'd at least fake it and cheer up a little?... sigh...

We paid for the games and walked back to the car. Virtually silent the whole time. We agreed to still go grab burgers (In-N-Out) since we had talked about it and made plans for that beforehand. The whole car ride to the restaurant was silent. I couldn't get him to talk. We ordered and drove it back to my apartment. STILL quiet. Got back to the apartment, decided to put in the musical episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (since we had talked about it in our earlier chats). FINALLY, when the episode started, did he start to open up again. As we ate, he finally loosened up. And pretty soon, we were singing along to the songs and sharing our favorite moments in the episode.

It was just unfortunate that I had to see that side of him. But I guess it's a good thing that I got to see it sooner rather than later. It gives me a better judgement of who he really is. Well, as the episode went on, we finished our food (YUMMY) and I went to get ready for bed, since it's been a long day for the two of us. When I got out of the bathroom, Matty had turned off all the lights and was lying on the couch watching the rest of the episode. I went over and joined him, lying on top of him. We stayed in that position and made out for a bit.

Then he got up and led me over to the bed where we continued to make out. Again, our clothes came off soon after that. Next thing I know, I was on top and straddling him. I grinded my ass against his cock a bit, and finally decided to go and grab those condoms and lube again. I put the condom on him and lubed him and me up good. I then slowly sat on his dick, letting it go all the way in. Again, I felt that pressure towards the end, but when I would lean forward or back a certain way, the discomfort was gone. So I tried to stay in the more pleasureable positions. After a bit of riding him, I told him that I wanted him to fuck me from behind. I had never had that before so I definitely wanted to try it. And OMG, did it feel good. He got behind me and pounded me GOOD. I, again, was pretty loud. Neighbors probably weren't happy. ;) My head was knocking up against the wall too. HAHA. He came inside me (in his condom, of course), but I didn't cum. I wanted to get in the shower and finish there.

So we both jumped in the shower and I had him give my dick some attention in there. I had him jerk me off and suck me. Then I had him sit down in the tub as I stood over him. I thrust my dick in his mouth for a bit, then I pulled out and started to jerk myself off. He was also hard again and ready to come again (ah... to be 19 again....). We basically came together again. Another amazing shower ;)

We went to bed in each other's arms again. Felt nice to be hld while falling asleep. Definitely something that I missed. The next morning, we decided on Dennys for lunch before he had to pack up and get back home. However, conversation at Dennys was a bit harder. I don't know what it was. Perhaps what happened the night before at the bowling alley was affecting how I perceived him. But I definitely felt that there was less in common between us. Again, I think the incident at the bowling alley just made me realize that I needed someone more mature. However, we still had a nice meal together and went got back to the apartment with a bit of time to spare before I had to get to work.

Being the hornball that I am though, I started to mess around again, and got the two of us hard and horny. I told him that I wanted a quickie before I had to go to work. (I'm such a slut, aren't I??) Well, I wanted him to fuck me from behind again. This time felt even better than last time. Again, a little discomfort, but I found a position where it felt good. Again, hard right now just thinking about it! We finished together and got cleaned up.

We quickly packed everything up. And as we were about to leave, he picked up the Eeyore that he had bought and had been sleeping with and handed it to me and said, "Merry Christmas." I was surprised by that. I told him that he really should...that he should keep it for himself. Well, he insisted I take it since I looked like I really wanted it when he bought it. So I accepted it and thanked him for being such a sweetheart. It was actually the only real Christmas present that I got this year. So it kinda means a lot.

We said our goodbyes. It was a bit rushed because I really had to get to work. But we told each other that we would keep texting the rest of the day. And that we did. And are still doing. This morning, he actually told me that he thinks that we should date. I was a little put off and worried about the implications of that text. So I straight up replied and told him that I didn't want anything to serious right now and that I just wanted to see where things go between the two of us. Well, that was what he meant by "dating" .. nothing official or anything. Just hanging out with each other and stuff. So I told him I was happy we are both on the same page and that I would love to see him again some time.

Yes, Matty is a bit young and immature at times, he's still a sweetheart and a cute kid. I just don't want that one incident at the bowling alley to be the deciding factor... so I'm going to see him again and see how it goes. We are planning to see each other around New Years. He's coming down to the area with a friend and I think he'll stop by for the night again or something. We've also been texting each other back and forth. I can tell that he's interested in me ;) Tonight, he wanted to make sure that I was home from work and comfy before we went to bed. I thought that was really cute and sweet of him. :) I asked why he was being so damn cute, and he tells me it's because he's trying to woo me. HAHA. I told him that it might be working a little :P

Wow, is anyone still reading this? And did you really read all of it? Cuz this was like an essay. I'm sure it's like 5 pages of writing in a word processor. LOL. I just wanted to make sure I wrote out everything, since you guys asked for it. And plus, it's my way to keep a log of what happened in my life. I mean, I did start this blog as a sort of online journal for myself. So I guess the more detailed the better, for my own purposes. And if that satisfies you guys, then all the better ;)

But do any of you have any advice? Comments? I would love to hear what you guys think of Matty from what I've written here. And I would love to get your opinions on how I should proceed with him. My big thing right now is our age difference and his maturity level. Is that a big deal for you guys?

Well, hope everyone had a great Christmas... now looking forward to what the new year brings us all.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Holidays!!!!

Happy Holidays to everyone!! I'm just about starting my day right now. I woke up to make my famous fried rice for a potluck we're having at work and now I'm just packing it up and getting ready for work.

I know I'm overdue for an update on how it all went with Matty. It was a mixed bag.. and I'll go into detail about all of that. He's a cute kid and I like him... but the problem is that he's just too young for me, I think. Age difference shouldn't matter, and it doesn't, but in this case, he really is a little immature for me. Again, I'll be more detailed about it in my next post, which probably won't happen until later night tonight. I have a long day of work today. But hopefully you all can wait just a bit longer for the nitty gritty. ;)

Thanks everyone for the comments!! I really love it when you guys give me advice and feedback. So keep it coming!

And last but not least, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays! I love you all!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Tuesday's Plans Expanded

So after I posted my last entry, the boy I'm seeing on Tuesday (Matty) and I chatted even more. Our conversation got into food and I told him that I LOVE Japanese food. He tells me that he also loves Japanese food and Asian cuisine in general. MAJOR points right there ;) So I ask him about Ramen. No, not Top Ramen or the kind of the ramen you make yourself at home from a tiny orange package. Ramen, as in the real kind where they make it for you in a restaurant and have amazing soup bases. He tells me that he's had Ramen before and that he LOVES it. Well, it seriously is one of my favorite foods, and my friends and I go all time. So I tell him that we should definitely go have Ramen together some time. He agrees.

And then he gets a bright idea about Tuesday. He wanted to know if I would want to get Ramen early in the day for lunch before I went to work. And then I can let him into Disneyland and then leave for bowling together after my work. He lives pretty far, so driving down just to go bowling from 10:30pm on wasn't ideal. So he wanted to make a full day out of it. Well, of course I agreed because Ramen is amazing and it would be fun to spend more time with him. :)

Well, this morning came, and the reality of that sort of sunk in. Him coming earlier in the day means more time that I would have to spend trying to start conversation. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I am not a conversation starter. In fact, I don't really like to talk too much. I'm a very quiet, reserved person. If I'm asked to speak or asked to explain something, I'll do it, but mostly in the least amount of words possible. So, thinking about spending more time with him is sort of freaking me out.

To make matters a little worse, I spent over an hour on the phone with him tonight. Well, normally, talking on the phone is not a bad thing. In fact, it should be a GREAT thing because we've more on from texting to actual conversation on the phone. BUT, the bad thing was there definitely was a lot of awkward silences. See... a lot of that was due to us both being tired. We had first gotten on the phone because he was driving home after dropping his friends off at their houses. He told me he was real tired, so I told him that he could call me to keep him awake while driving. So he did, and I got him talking in the beginning. But after a while, conversation started to whither away... and those awkward silences crept in. I tried so hard to start conversations... just about ANYTHING.. I just said what came to my head. But both us would start the conversation but then end it abruptly and then silence came again.. Like I said, I really don't know if it was because we're both tired or just because I suck at keeping conversations.

I just REALLY REALLY hope that this doesn't happen when we see each other face to face. When he gets here, the drive to Ramen is a good 30 minutes. How awkward would it be if the car ride was just silent? :( And then eating at the restaurant. Will I be able to come up with topics to discuss and things to say there? And then there's the ride back too!... I think this early addition to the "date" is really screwing with me. Because at bowling, we're engaged in an activity so it'll be easy to keep things going. But in a car and at a meal, that's where it gets tough for me!!

I don't want to make a bad impression.... I need some pointers.. advice.. HELP!