Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!!

Heading out to Hallween party #1! Full update with pics as soon as I get home! ;)

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Me, Myself, and I

I'm home with family tonight, which means I'm bored out of my mind because they're all asleep and I'm still awake but I have none of MY stuff to do, so I'm on my computer reading blogs. First, let me just say how HAPPY I am for AJ over at AJ's Ramblings for his first kiss with a boy! So freakin adorable! I actually was watching some TV with my family when I randomly turned on my Messenger application on my iPhone. A second after, AJ messages me with a very enthusiastic "Hi!" and then proceeds to tell me his awesome night with Matt. It was so cute, I couldn't hold my smile in. My family probably thought I was a lunatic for smiling so big at my iPhone (and eventually my computer). So congrats to AJ! He's a good guy and he deserves someone to make him happy. ;)

So I'm not going to lie, but I'm totally jealous of him. And I told him too! ;) But it really just reminds me of how sad a life I have. I was talking with James from Just Me this morning too, and I described my day for him: "I sit. Watch TV. Eat. Then go to work. Then sit some more. And watch more TV." Absolutely ridiculous... I can't believe I've let myself become so complacent with my boring life. I really need to do something about it. And I'm hoping these two Halloween parties this weekend will be the first steps to being a more fun Doug. A more outgoing Doug.

And through all this thinking about myself, I realized that many of you may not know me that well. So I went back to my first few blog posts to see what kind of introductions I gave to everyone. My first post was a MESS. Grammar and spelling mistakes everywhere. LOL. And my second post was all about Jamie. Oh jeez Jamie. That's the bulk of this blog, huh? Reading that post again was kind of bittersweet. I basically described our first meeting. My first intimate moments with another boy. My first time holding hands with a boy. My first time kissing a boy. My first time having sex with a boy. It was such a great night - and I'm never going to forget it. But it also reminds me of what I don't have right now. I just want someone to talk to when I'm lonely, someone to hold hands with when I'm watching TV, someone to share my meals with, someone to cuddle with while I sleep. And I know, I know, he'll come when I least expect it. The perfect guy will appear when and where I'm not looking. But for right now, I'm still lonely, and it sucks.

Wow, this post just got real depressing. I'm not even sure what the point of this post was when I first started it. I probably should think out my posts first before I type... I think I originally intended to give you guys more of a background of my life, but I guess it just kinda veered off course into a pit of my own sorrow. Maybe I'll save my background for another day then....

Well, I think I'll leave you all with the new "Don't Vote" ad campaign. Make sure to GO VOTE on Nov 4th! Your vote WILL make a difference!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

"That's so dang cute!"

I hate myself for succumbing so easily...

I logged onto Facebook tonight and on the homepage, it tells me that Jamie has uploaded 4 new photos to his profile. They are 4 pictures of him and his cat. Now.. I don't even like cats, and these pictures were just so cute. Jamie has the biggest smile ever, on his bed (presumably), playing with his cat. One of the pictures has his cat biting him on his arm, and the next picture is of him biting back. ARGH. I couldn't help it and posted a comment on the one where he's smiling real big: "That's so dang cute!" Why do I do things like this? I can't help it. I want to distance myself from him. But I just can't. Seeing his cute, handsome, smiling face .... ARGH!

By the way, I finally did reply back to him on Facebook after he sent me back a message (see previous post). I sent that on the 24th.. It's now the 28th. No response back. Sigh... I hate my situation. I hate every bit of it. I almost wish that I never met him at all. Or at least, I wish that something can be done so that I can free him from my mind!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

My (Gay) Day Off

Wow I think I might have had one of the gayest days of my life today.

I started the day wanting to get a Mystic Tan (those fake spray tans). This is in preparation for Halloween because I don't want to have a farmers tans on my arms or, worse, white legs! So I exfoliated and moisturized my body to get ready for the tanning. Then I called up the tanning place and asked about the whole process and she let me know that the tans last up to 3-5 days.. hm. Well, my parties aren't until Friday and Saturday, so it would be too early to get it today. So then I decided against going. But STILL, I exfoliated! and moisturized!

And then I went and ran some errands with Jon. We went to the new Target store that they built down the street from where we live. I went in and could NOT remember what I needed to buy. I walked out with deodorant and tweezers. Yes, TWEEZERS. lol. Oh, it gets gayer.

We then drove down to Best Buy because I've been wanting this DVD for a while now: Celine Dion, A New Day (her show in Vegas). Sigh. Yes, I'm a big closet Celine fan. She's amazing, and you all know it. Bought the DVD for $16.99, and then Jon and I decided that we wanted to continue our gay day and watch a movie in the theaters. What movie, you ask? Going along with the theme of the day, you MAY have guessed it already... Yes, folks... High School Musical 3: Senior Year!

It actually was REALLY enjoyable. I'm a little bias because I work for Disneyland and everything. But, I liked it a lot. Really entertaining and the dancing was real good. Can't wait until it comes out on DVD!

After the movie, I drove back to my apartment, invited Miles over, and we watched the Celine DVD. Amazing singing. Amazing choreography. Amazing stage. Amazing everything. Celine Dion is .... I can't believe I'm using this word ... FIERCE! But the perfect word to sum up my incredibly gay day. And I loved every minute of it. :)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Coming Out (Almost) #4, Halloween Update

Today, I almost came out to my good friend N (she has a very unique name so she's staying in initials). It almost got there, but then I chickened out for some reason... So to preface my story, today, Miles and I went to Beverly Hills to go shopping for new outfits to wear to go out on the town. We had planned to go to West Hollywood for some clubbing with Jon tomorrow night. So we wanted to look nice ;) Well, long story short, Jon hasn't been feeling well and isn't up for going out anymore. So we had to cancel.

I'm at work on my iPhone, texting Miles telling him about Jon. The iPhone makes a loud noise every time I send or receive a text. So N is sitting next to me when this happens. She asks me, "Who are you texting?" because I guess the sounds were catching her attention.

Me: Oh, it's Miles. We're just texting each other cuz we're mad at Jon for ditching us tomorrow.

N: What's going on tomorrow?

Me: Miles, Jon and I were supposed to go out together. But Jon's busy or sick or something.

N: Oh really? What were you guys going to do?

Me: We were going to go clubbing!

N: Clubbing? Where were you guys planning to go? WeHo?

Me: Haha (nervously). Yea.

And that was the end of the conversation. So you see, I could've easily just slipped it in at the end: "N, I'm gay." But something held me back from doing it. I know that N is one of my friends that I want to come out to next. I just need to do it and not chicken out. Guess I'll keep everyone posted on that.

In other news, remember those short shorts that I ordered for my Halloween costume? Well, I found out that they were back ordered and weren't going to be arriving in time!! So I contacted the shop immediately and asked them to just give me the next size up (which they had available). Luckily, they were able to make that change right away, and it looks like I'll be getting it by the beginning of next week! WHEW!

And then tonight, I decided to put on what I do have of my costume and do a little photo shoot to see if it's going to look ok and believable. So here's what it looks like.

I'm wearing boxers instead of my short shorts. They're the length that they would be, but the real ones will be a darker blue. I'm also going to have long tube socks and shoes on. Do you think I need to iron on some sort of school logo or anything on my white shirt? I'm just not sure people will understand P.E. Teacher from what I'm wearing. Let me know what you think!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

J = Jamie

I need help. In more ways than one. But, more specifically, for now, I need help with a decision.

I was going through Facebook yesterday, just browsing through profiles, and I come across J's profile. And since I'm not using initials/nicknames anymore, I can reveal his name to be Jamie. (which makes it so much easier for me because you don't know how many times I've just typed out his name in previous posts and had to catch it later) So I'm just looking through the profile and I got this horrible urge to message him to see how he was doing. I guess I just wanted to hear from him. And I also wanted to see if he would respond. So I wrote a very simple, short message:

Hey, was thinking of you and just wanted to see how you were doing. Hope all is well.

-Doug :)

I wrote it and I sent it. The last that I had heard from him was when I was in Florida, after our awesome date, which was almost a month ago now. Well, tonight, at around 6:30pm, I get an email in my mailbox letting me know that I had a new message from Jamie on Facebook. It reads:

Hey Doug . . . Everything is going well, work is keeping me so busy these days. The fall release slipped into winter and now we are all working overtime into winter. I hope all is well with you.


So he talks about his work a little. He tells me he's very busy. And he hopes all is well with me. I'm not really so sure what to think about this message. I mean, it was GREAT that he responded - and in such a quick manner too! But the message really doesn't say much. It doesn't talk about whether or not he's making a business trip out to California or not, like he had discussed before. Of course, I didn't ask about it either. It also doesn't really encourage me to respond back to him.

So should I respond to him? What should I write if I do respond? Should it be another short message, or should it be longer so that maybe it'd elicit a longer response from him? Should I ask about whether or not he's coming out to California again? I really am not trying to pursue him anymore. I basically just want to stay friends with him because he's an awesome guy that I want to keep in my life. What do I write? Please help me!

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Election, Prop 8, and Mom

I'm now 24 years old and it's time that I take a more active part in this country's politics. I already missed the 2004 elections. I let that opportunity pass by because I was too lazy to be informed. But I am changing that. I want to know about the issues and the policies. I want to read the news and be updated on what the candidates are saying. I want to exercise my right as a US citizen to vote.

The California Voter's Information Guide was sent to my house about 2 weeks ago. It details all the Propositions in California, giving the background, the proposal, the fiscal effects, and then has the argument for each proposition and the rebuttal for it. I'm hoping that everyone received one in the mail. Well, I had mine. And then being the idiot that I am, I probably threw a pile of junk mail on top of it, and then threw away the entire stack. I was so excited to read through it, use a highlighter, and write annotations on it. But now I don't have one. Yes, I know there's one online, but I don't want to just read it online and I don't want to print out 100+ pages! So I've been asking my friends to give me a copy if they have an extra one or if they don't plan on using it. I'm hoping I'll get it tomorrow... because I want to give myself enough time to read through all of it!

In other news, I went home to my family this weekend. My family had the Voter's information Guide, but it was in Chinese so I couldn't use it. But my mom was flipping through it and she asked me what each one was and what I thought about it. I told her I didn't know because I threw mine away... but then she mentioned Proposition 8. She asked me what I think about it. So I told her that Prop 8 is trying to overturn the courts' decision and that it would be taking away the right for people to get married. I don't think we went any further than that. But in my mind, I was actually afraid that she would ask for more explanation. I was afraid that if she asked me more about it, I would get pretty heated about the whole thing. And I was afraid that if I got heated about it, that she would ask why I feel so passionate about this issue. And I was afraid that if she asked me why I was so passionate about it, that I would have to tell her that it's because I'm gay.

All of this seriously went through my head as I was standing next to her with the guide opened in front of us. I just don't think I'm anywhere near ready to come out to my mom. I think I'm going to have to do this gradually. Maybe feel out how she feels about gay people in general. I have a pretty good idea already, but I'm basing that on just the general view of gay people in the Asian community/culture. But maybe it's different with my mom. Maybe she'd be more accepting. And maybe it'd be different if it was her son. I just don't know. Maybe it'll take years before I'm ready to come out to her.. and maybe it'll be never. But for now, it's just a very daunting thought.

This is what I hope will happen if/when I do come out to my mom:


DOUG and MOM are sitting on the couch, TV on in the background.


I have something to tell you.


What is it?


Well, I wanted to let you know
that I'm gay.

MOM stops focusing on the television and looks at DOUG. She looks into his eyes and wants to say something. But without saying anything, she leans over and gives DOUG a hug as if to say that she accepts it and that she loves him no matter what. They stay in a tight embrace, tears running down DOUG's eyes out of happiness.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

My Birthday

Disclaimer: Some parts of this blog post are sexually explicit ;)

First, thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday ;)

So on this Friday, I stay up chatting with Barry on Yahoo Messenger until 6am. We find out that we have a lot of the same tastes in music. We start swapping some MP3s, and I find out that you can give songs as gifts on iTunes! Barry sends me two songs through iTunes as a birthday present and I am so thankful. He's so cute for sending me something for my birthday. And I thank him from the bottom of my heart for spending money on me.

After the chat and sleep, I wake up at 12 noon and start my day off with some lounging on the couch. I open up my laptop and go through my routine of checking MySpace, Facebook, and the blogs. Then I open up an internet gay dating hookup site and browse through the profiles. I find a guy that more or less fits my "type": young, athletic, white boy with blonde hair and a good smile. So I send him a message to say hi. Not too much later, I receive a message back asking how I was doing and if I go to 24 Hour Fitness. So through a few rounds of messages back and forth, I tell him that yes, I have a membership, and sure I'll meet him there. I don't usually do this. And by "this", I mean I don't usually agree to random hookups. But I figure, hey, it's my birthday. I should do something fun!

I drive out to the gym and I enter the locker room. Immediately, I see 4 or 5 really hot, half naked guys getting dressed/undressed. Of course I also see 4 or 5 not so attractive guys as well, but I ignore them and focus (without being obvious, of course) on the hot ones. I get undressed as well, feeling completely inadequate compared to all the hotties, which just motivates me to go to the gym more often now, and put on my swim trunks and go out to the pool. I spot him doing some laps in the pool so I take the lane next to him and also do some laps. Swimming is good for my scoliosis, and I have lots of fun swimming - I don't know why I don't do it more often. Back to Swimming Hottie...., we do some continuous laps and we find ourselves taking breaks at the same time right next to each other. We take some glances at each other and make eye contact a few times. He then gets out of the pool and walks over to get into the jacuzzi. I follow suit after doing a few more laps. More glances and awkward eye contact. Other people enter and exit the jacuzzi. We finally give each other the signal to get the heck out of there. So I go back in the locker room and see more hotties down the locker aisles. One of them is checking himself out in the mirror. I would too if I had a body like that! Yum. I get dressed and see Swimming Hottie walking out, so I follow.

I follow him down to a quiet place outside and he tells me that he lives just down the street but his roommates are home. Darn. So I ask if he wants to exchange numbers, so we do. And I head back to my car, trying to decide what else to do for the rest of my birthday. As I put my gym bag in the trunk of my Prius, I get a text from Swimming Hottie: "Wanna fool around in your car?" I respond, "Sure." So I pick him up and we drive across the street to a parking structure and drive up to the top floor. I park, leave the car on of course, and we go about having some fun. He reaches over and starts to take off my shorts. I do the same and he's already hard as a rock. He leans over and we make out with each other for a while. It's still a weird sensation to feel stubble when I kiss but I think I quite enjoy that. And then he leans over and starts giving me a blowjob. He comes back up after about a minute or two and I reach over and play with him. I'm about to lean over to reciprocate, but he tells me to stop jerking him, and then 2 seconds later, he starts cumming. If it wasn't clear before, we had only parked maybe 4 minutes prior to this. Sigh... I'm still pretty hard so I just start jerking myself off. After he finishes and cleans up, he reaches over to finish me off. I just try to cum as quick as possible because it's just awkward now and I kind of want to laugh out loud at him for cumming so quickly. I drive him back to the gym because he rode his bike and I drop him off. Not so sure I'll meet up with him again... but I guess it was still fun to do something that I don't usually do. Plus it gave my confidence and ego a much needed boost.

And since I drove out to Costa Mesa, I decide to head out to the Apple Store there to check out the newly updated MacBooks and MacBook Pros. I find them to be incredibly sleek and sexy! I think I might have cum a second time as I play with these incredible machines. Hehe. But unfortunately, I can't afford to even pay for a nice dinner, so I'm going to just have to be satisfied with my current, outdated MacBook for the time being.

I also visit the Sports Chalet next door to buy accessories for my Halloween costume! After a few days of thinking of concepts and designing and searching on the internet (and some inspiration from Ja over at Gym Ra(n)t), I finally decide that this year, I'm going to be a P.E. Teacher! Of course, a sexy, pervy, hot P.E. Teacher. ;) So basically, I buy wrist bands, a headband, and whistle. I already have long tube socks and some sneakers. And I'm getting a pair of hot short shorts from - and this is what they look like:

If only I looked like that!!

I'm just deciding on what to wear for a top. Something tight and sexy. Maybe a sleeveless T. But should I print some sort of logo or anything on it? Will I need to in order to convey the P.E. Teacher look? Or will everything else be good enough? I'm going to carry around a clipboard for pictures, but I'm ditching that when the party begins. But I'm REALLY excited about going to my two planned Halloween parties this year! I just need to make sure to head out to the beach to tan my legs if I'm going to wear those short shorts! That, or get some bronzer!

The rest of the day, I hang out with the ex-girlfriend. And then I have a nice dinner with close friends at Chili's. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I'm an ultra-lightweight when it comes to alcohol, but I decide that my birthday is an appropriate to get a drink. So I leave it up to my friends to choose a drink for me. The only rule is that they have to pick a drink where they don't think I can taste the alcohol, because if I taste it, it's guaranteed to come back up. So they order the Reggae Sunsplash. I don't even know what's in it, but I drink it and it tastes good. So I drink some more. But within a minute, my face turns bright red. And the next few minutes, my friends take pictures of my incredibly flushed face.

I get home after the dinner and decide that since I'm still dressed up nicely from my dinner that this is as good a time as any to take some pictures of myself. I snap about 10-15 pictures, keep about 8, and am now posting one for y'all.

I quickly upload this photo to the internet dating hookup site and start browsing again. I find another boy fitting my type and proceed to message him as well. To my surprise, I get a response. 2 out of 2 for the day. He asks me how I was doing, so I tell him I was doing pretty well and that I just had dinner with my friends for my birthday. He then wishes me a happy birthday and tells me that he thinks that every guy should get a blowjob on his birthday. Hmmm... again, not something that I would do normally, but since it is still my birthday for another hour, I play along. After a few more messages back and forth, I agree to having some fun with him. Then he tells me, "Well, it's pretty late tonight and I have to work tomorrow." Failure... Or so I thought. After the "pressure" of meeting up was gone, we continue to send each other messages back and forth. We swap pictures of ourselves, G-rated and some body shots. We then schedule a time where we can meet up, which will be this Wednesday night. And we swap phone numbers so we can text each other. By this time, it's about 3:00am, so the "I have to work tomorrow" thing was just a lie, but I'm glad he did because I probably would have felt REALLY uncomfortable meeting him without getting to know him more. Swimming Hottie was different because I met him at a public place, but this guy I would be meeting him either at his place or my place. Anyway, I get a text from him at 3:30am asking me for a picture of my cock hard. I think, what the heck, why not? So I take a quick one on my iPhone and send it to him (and I make sure to delete it right away because I know my friends/family like to play with my iPhone... so Miles and Jon - you won't find anything naughty on my iPhone! LOL). He texts me back a few times to tell me that I'm cute and hott (definite ego-booster) and then he asks if I can take a picture of me cumming. So I tell him I can do one better and I give him my xtube channel. (Not going to publicize my channel here tho) He says he really enjoyed it and that he is really looking forward to having some fun with me on Wednesday. I must say that I'm looking forward to it too! And then all of a sudden, it's 4:30am and I decide to call it a night and end my birthday celebration because I'm dead tired.

But all in all, for an unplanned birthday, I had a pretty exciting day, wouldn't you say? A sort of low key, yet adventurous and fun birthday. Looking forward to seeing what's in stored for me this year!

Friday, October 17, 2008


... is my birthday!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Introductions #2

So in my Wedding post, I said that I'm doing away with nicknames and aliases. But after receiving a comment from Joshua, I realized that I'm forgetting to "reveal" the most important alias of all... MY OWN! No need to hide behind initials. So...

Hi. My name is Doug. And I'm a blog-aholic.


I just spent the last hour talking with my Dad online. "Talking with" is probably not the right phrase. "Being lectured by" is more appropriate for what happened.

Yes, I work at Disneyland. No, I do not get paid well. Yes, I am qualified to receive a higher salary. But NO, I do not want to leave my job right now. My Dad doesn't understand that, to me, happiness and enjoyment in my job is of utmost importance. I like going to work and really being happy about what I do. I don't want to go to work and just count the minutes until the day is over. That's not the way to live life.

All the education that I've received has really been to appease my Mom and Dad. Of course, they always wanted me to be a doctor. And then when I wasn't going to do that, it was a lawyer. And then when I wasn't going to do that, it was an engineer. And then I/they settled for computer programmer. And they must have wanted to disown me when I switched majors and went into Economics for no apparent reason. Well, I eventually graduated from UCLA, just like they wanted. But I didn't want to do anything Economics or Finance related, which pissed them off royally. So I said I'd study to be a teacher. So this the past year and half, I received my teaching credential in high school mathematics and am getting my Masters in Education - all to make my parents happy.

But WHY am I putting myself through all this to make THEM happy?? I never WANTED to go back to school after graduating UCLA. And after my teaching credential, I definitely didn't want to continue to get my Masters. But somehow, their influence got to me and I gave in. It's ridiculous what I've done to make them happy.. all throughout my life. And I'm tired of it.

I flat out told my dad I KNOW that my salary is minimal right now and I know there are better paying jobs out there. I KNOW all that already. But I am happy right now where I am and I want to be happy with what I do for a living. Teaching jobs will always be there.. especially in Math. I have no worries that I can find a job if I need it. But for now, I want to do what I want to do, and that's stay at the job that I am now. I will look for other jobs WITHIN Disney, and if the right one comes along, I will apply. But I am staying where I am now because I like it.

I didn't say THAT much, but parts of it were there. And after that, I just told him, it's 2am here now (he works in China) so I'm going to sleep. Goodnight. And then I logged off.

My Mom and Dad team up to do this to me every month or so and it just gets me real frustrated. Do they really NEED to lecture me like this all the time? Do they really think I don't know? It has just become annoying... argh. But I don't want to give in this time. I DON'T. I WON'T! I will do what I think is right and what will make me happy. There will come a time where I will need another job, but for now, I enjoy what I do and I am going to do it as long as I am still capable. And that's that!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Still Doing Those Push Ups

So I'm still working on my one hundred push ups program. I am on the last week now (Week 6) but I don't see how I'm supposed to be able to 100 at the end of Week 6. Well, let me clarify... I'm actually on Week 6, Part B. I'm doing Week 6 over again, but in higher level. Each week has 3 levels, and I plan on doing all 3 parts. I was able to do 50 pushups before I started to feel real strain in the muscles in my arms. That's REAL good for me! But how am I supposed to get to 100?? I'm totally not ready for that yet. I think the push up program should be an 8 week program.

But I can definitely see the progress in my chest. And I am completely happy about it. I've also been (trying) to eat better, healthier. But anyone who has ever tried any sort of "diet" knows, it doesn't always work out. BUT, I am still seeing a difference and I took a picture of myself and I think I look amazingly skinny/fit in it. (Came out a little conceited there.. but whatever. lol)

This Halloween, I really want to be able to wear something more revealing than my stupid Scream costume that I've had forever. (Well, last year, I was a SARS patient because I didn't have my costume with me.. and it was just a mask over my face and some makeup for some sunken eyes) But maybe something a little more fun and, dare I say, sexier would be most desirable this year. Anyone have any good ideas for a costume??

Random Question of the Week (because I like to know more about my readers):
What's your favorite current TV show? And current meaning it has new episodes this season.
P.S. This is a REAL tough question for me because I love SO many TV shows... so I'm actually going to have to think about it a while before I give my answers. lol.

Monday, October 13, 2008

The Wedding

So Saturday was the wedding. Here's the previous update on the wedding if you haven't read the drama. Our friends decided to just go and make the best out of the night and just go with the flow. A bunch of us got together at my apartment to get ready and have some wine before we left for the ceremony. Here we are all dressed up and ready to go

(left to right) Bethany, Miles (Milo), Katy, me, N

There I am second from the right with my white shirt, black tie, black coat, blank pants, and CHARCOAL grey vest. I must say I looked spiffy. And all my friends agreed. Made me feel a little better about myself.

And by the way, I'm just going to stop thinking of nicknames or aliases for my friends because they're not going to find my blog and it's too much of a hassle thinking of and remembering aliases for all the people I want to talk about. So unless their name is super unique, I won't be using initials or aliases anymore. Ok.. now back to the wedding.

Like I said, we had some wine, and then drove over to the Disneyland Hotel, where the ceremony was being held. And being the cheesy performers that we are, we decided to have a photo shoot as we walked down the parking lot.

Aren't we the biggest nerds ever? We gotta work on our modeling skills, even though it does look like Miles is definitely ready for catalog already. We walk into the waiting area and we immediately start looking at what everyone is wearing. TUX MY ASS! Not one person was wearing a tux or anything resembling a tux. Not even the fathers. They were all wearing their nice suits and a nice black tie. Not a bowtie. A regular tie. What the heck was Drew (DarkD) smoking?! So now we're definitely dressed for the part - must say we all looked REAL good compared to many others.

Then it was time to walk over to the Rose Gardens. One of the wedding coordinators is our friend that we work with and she informed us that the floral designer was the same guy who designed Eva Longoria and Tony Parkers wedding!! And you can definitely see that Drew and Colin ([Fiance]) spent that money in these pictures.

The wedding was really touching. They had some family members come up and do some readings of poems about love and marriage. But it was a good length of time, so not boring, and it was just a beautiful setup. I wish their microphones were turned up a little higher though because I couldn't really hear them too well. But they made their vows and sealed them with a kiss. And we all clapped and were happy for them.

We were walked over to the Grand Californian Hotel and had some hors d'oeurves before we were let into the reception hall. Those appetizers were SO good. I ate it all and had seconds and thirds. I'm such a fat bitch....

After eating all that, we sat down at our table and they announced the entrance of the two grooms. It was dark but I tried to take some pictures. I think it actually turned out nicely because the light and the shadows on them in the picture makes it look cool. See for yourself.

Colin (left) and Drew (right)

The food was absolutely exquisite and scrumptious! They had mixed greens with a creamy balsamic vinegarette. And the main dish was a NY Strip Steak that was seasoned and cooked to perfection in a mustard Merlot sauce. Wow! After dinner, we of course got on the dance floor and partied it up. Drew and Colin came up to us and we all congratulated them. Drew gave me a big hug and told me that I looked good. THAT'S RIGHT I look good! Glad he acknowledged it. So I forgave him for all the douche-iness.

Bethany and me, having fun on the dance floor

It was a late wedding. The ceremony started at 7:30pm and so we didn't leave the reception until 12am. Exhausted and slightly drunk, Miles and N stayed over at my place and we all conked out real quick.

The next day, we lounged around my apartment for a good part of the morning and early afternoon. We finally decided to make use of our day around 3:00pm and head out to Disneyland for a fun day NOT working. We watched our friends in the parades and then went on a few rides. As we were waiting for the first parade, we saw Drew and Colin on the opposite side of the street and we yelled for them and waved hi. Drew runs across the street and starts talking to us. But Colin was apparently too good for us to attempt to cross the street. He stood on the other side with his snobby collar popped on his snobby baby blue polo shirt and his snobby bermuda shorts. Didn't even wave Hi to us. Just looked down at his Blackberry and attempted to look busy. Drew promised us that he'd call us after the parade, but guess what?... he never did.

I have a feeling that we've officially lost one of our good friends...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

As Promised...

Here's the other side of the jack-o-lantern! Even cuter, right? And oh yeah, don't know those people... they just got in the way of my shot.

Saturday, October 11, 2008


Edit: So I just wanted to test posting images directly from my iPhone. Guess it works! :) (btw, isn't that the cutest jack-o-latern you've ever seen? heh)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Another Wedding Update

The wedding is TOMORROW! If you haven't read about it before, make sure to read the first post and then, more importantly, the update.

Well, I'm definitely going to just wear my black suit WITH the charcoal vest, because I think I look damn good in it. Screw what DarkD says about it. And my friends are coming over to my apartment before the ceremony to show each other our outfits and to have a little Pre-Wedding Party, just so we can let our frustrations out about the wedding (because there's a lot) and start drinking (hehe) before we get there.

So the newest frustration doesn't directly involve me, but it's just a pretty douche-y thing to do and I'm pretty unhappy about it. Two days ago, Lamb, who is in the wedding party, texts me and she says: "OMG DarkD kicked his best friend _____ out of the wedding wtf?" She then forwards me what DarkD text his best friend:

"Hey so your partner in the wedding party can't come anymore because her mother's in the hospital with cancer, so I have to ask you to not be in the wedding party"

So essentially, DarkD kicked his best friend out of the wedding THROUGH TEXT MESSAGES. He didn't even call him to tell him that. And was that the ONLY solution that they could have come up with? It's THIS close to the wedding and he's going to be kicked out of the wedding party. I think just the way that this situation was handled is what is bothering me. I just can't believe he never called him!! That's so inconsiderate! It's understandable to want an even number of groomsmen/bridesmaids on each side.. I get that... but DarkD could have given him the courtesy of a PHONE CALL.

Just the way that this whole wedding has been handled and how he has treated his friends (the wedding attire, the wedding registry) is completely unacceptable. I have two thoughts, and I don't know which is better:

1) DarkD isn't making any of these decisions and it's his fiance that's in total control. If this is the case, then I'm sad that DarkD is letting his partner control his life, with total disregard for his friends.

2) DarkD really doesn't care about us and how he is treating us. He has moved on and become a snobby, douche-y, pretentious elitist living in his brownstone in the Upper East Side in NYC while flying around in his jet.

I'm still pretty heated about all this, and I hope I don't do anything stupid and let DarkD have it when I see him... that's IF we even see him because I still have NO idea where this wedding is actually taking place. The super pretentious invitation only says "Disneyland Resort" but that's a pretty damn big area, so I'm not even sure where to park or where to go! BLAH! This is going to be an INTERESTING night and I'm pretty sure I'll have LOTS to blog about afterwards.

Thank You!

So it's been a pretty uneventful day today. My mom finally agreed to lunch with me. If you saw my Twitter, then you know that I called my mom the day before and asked her if she wanted to eat lunch with me, to which she said "no." She had already eaten a small sandwich and didn't feel like going out. ARGH! Mom has NEVER said no to having a meal with me! What is the world coming to? Does she not love me anymore? Well, she made up for it today by taking me out for lunch and all is better in the world now.

So I want to take this opportunity to THANK all of you readers of my blog! And thank you for all the comments and emails and Gmail/Yahoo messages that I've received! It's nice to know that people are reading my thoughts and have given me support when I've needed it. :) You guys are awesome and lots of hugs and kisses to you all.

I leave you all with a random question; please just humor me ;)
What super power would you like most to have and why?

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Coming Out, #3

Amidst all the drama with J in Florida, I neglected to talk about my coming out to another one of my good gay friends, Sven. I've known Sven for 4 years now - we both worked together in the same department - and he's always been an all-around fun guy to be around. Recently, Sven received a contract to work elsewhere in the company and he's now in Toronto. (Lucky!)

So anyway, when I was alone in my hotel room after I had my dinner with J in Florida, Sven was on AIM and we chatted for a while. And I just felt like it was time for me to let him know. There wasn't a real reason why I wanted to do it. I just had this feeling to do it. And I was less nervous this time than when I told JW or Milo.

I started chatting and then I brought up that I had dinner with someone special.

Sven: A romantic dinner?

Me: It wasn't as romantic as I wanted it to be, but yes

Sven: Who was it with?

Me: Well... you don't know him...

Sven: A Florida boy?

Me: err... yes...

Sven: cute.

And that was that. So the rest of the night, we talked about J and how the dinner/date went. Then he talked about having a Coming Out parade for me (haha), to which I declined. I have enough parades in my life. So I'm just happy that I was able to be honest with Sven and I think we've become even better friends because of it. He's going to be gone on his contract for another 6 months or so, but can't wait until he comes back and maybe JW, Milo, Sven, and I can all go out together and have some fun. ;)


This morning, I wake up at 10:42am, but I don't make my way off of my bed until 11:02am. As I take my Brita filter out of the refrigerator to pour myself a glass of cold water, this annoying loud noise goes blaring in my apartment. I jump because 1) I hate loud noises and 2) It freakin scared me to death! After about two seconds, I finally realize that it's the fire alarm. ARGH. I'm in my boxers and a sleeveless shirt and decide that I cannot walk outside in that. I don't care if there's a real fire and I'm about to be burned alive, I can't be seen like that. So I grab my "NERD" shirt and put on a pair of blue Abercrombie shorts, take my iPhone off the charger and put it in my pocket, grab my wallet, grab my keys, put on my sandals, and finally make my way out the door. I make my way down the emergency exit stairs and walk outside to find myself behind some guy in his wifebeater and nasty ass shorts and I think to myself, "THAT is why I changed my clothes."

Anyway, it was a false alarm and I got to go back to my apartment right away. I guess it was a nice little adventure to wake me up.

Today, I made plans with my graduate school buddies to have some lunch at the University. As we sit down to eat our sandwiches (Le Diplomate sandwiches - SOO yummy! Joshua, you HAVE to go get one!), my friend, Oh-Girl, points out this guy walking towards us with his shirt off and over his shoulders.

Oh-Girl: Look at that guy with his shirt off. What makes him think that that's ok?

Me: Haha, I know right? Jeez!
(In my head: Wow, HOTNESS!)

Oh-Girl: Just put the stupid shirt back on.

Me: Yeah, I know... It's not even that hot right now.
(In my head: Oooo, look at those muscles!)

Oh-Girl: He's just walking around shirtless so that people will look at him.

Me: Yeah, that's ridiculous.
(In my head: Where the heck is my iPhone? I need a picture of this.)

Well, unfortunately, I didn't take my iPhone out to get a picture, but this guy looked very much like him:

Yeah, the guy had a HOT bod and was good looking too. He just walked into the courtyard, stopped to talk to his friend, and then walked off. I don't think he even came from the direction of the gym... so I think he really was just walking around with his shirt off because he CAN and knows that he looks good.

That just made me feel really bad about myself. There I was, sitting in the courtyard, eating a sandwich drenched in creamy garlic sauce and sipping a thick and creamy smoothie. And there's Shirtless Hottie showing off his 1% body fat. Damn I need to hit the gym more often.

So as I drive home, I start a text conversation with JW -

Me: Have you been to the gym lately? I feel fat. Let's go tonight.

JW: I'm gonna pass. Tired and I have school in the morning

Me: U suck. U never go.

And it looks like I never go either because I'm still sitting on my couch at home, watching McCain waddle around the town hall floor, and contemplating eating chocolate chip ice cream.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Wedding Update

A few weeks ago, I blogged about my friend's wedding. Well, it's happening this Saturday and I seriously just want to get it over with. It's been one annoying nuisance after another and I just want to go and support my friend (who I will call DarkD) and then let it be done. Let me go through all the problems that I've had with this:

1. The Wedding Registry: The couple ONLY registered at Bloomingdale. And the stuff they registered for costs a minimum of $100. I mean, there are plates for $20 each, but who the heck buys ONE plate? And the most expensive thing on the registry is a crystal vase for $3650! Are you freakin' kidding me? Apparently, someone already got it for them. When I was in Florida, I met up with DarkD briefly and I asked him about the registry. He tells me, "Well, to be honest, [fiance] and I really don't need anything. So we just walked around the floor and picked stuff." WTF? He really must have forgotten where he came from and what kind of friends he had before he met his fiance. We're starving college students who get paid crap. What the hell was he thinking??

2. Black Tie: The invitation says Black Tie. I've never been to a black tie event before, so I instant message DarkD and I ask him to clarify. And this is the conversation (from my AIM Message Archives):

DarkD: Well, it basically means a tux.

Me: Well, I don't have a tux, but I'm planning on wearing a white collared shirt, black pants, black coat, black tie, and a charcoal vest.

DarkD: I think you should lose the vest, and wear a black bowtie with a black cummerbund.

Me: Um, ... I don't have that. Is it because the vest is gray?

DarkD: Yeah, it should be black. Here, read this: [link to fashion article]

(At this point, I read the article, which I find out was written by his fiance, who is a fashion editor, and in the section that describes black tie, it says: "For those of you who think that a black suit will fit the bill you are wrong. Don't even think about it." I get REALLY ticked off)

Me: Um, DarkD... I'm not going anymore. I don't have a tux. I'm not going.

DarkD: DL, just wear your suit. It's ok really.

Me: [Fiance] wrote this article! I'm not going to yours and his wedding in something he said not to wear!

DarkD: DL, it's my wedding too, it's ok.

Me: I'm just going to look completely out of place!

DarkD: no don't worry about it DL, i am so sure someone in my family will totally be out of place, don't worry about it. ok g2g I'll catch you later.

Let's examine that last message from DarkD.... basically, I WILL be out of place, but I just won't be alone. That's just great. I am so annoyed by him and his pretentious wedding right now. I can't stand it. But I'm not done...

3. The "Happy" Couple: The wedding has been called off 3 times now. THREE. Why? Because they've only known each other for 5 months. FIVE. According to friends, they fight constantly about small stuff. They're just not that compatible. My thoughts? DarkD is doing it for the money. [Fiance]'s dad owns several car dealerships and they live in the Upper East Side in NYC. They're loaded. And why are they getting married so soon? Their answer is that they want to do it in case they ban gay marriage after the election. Um... ok. So they're really just getting married because they can - not because they love each other? And if Prop 8 passes, then I don't think prior gay marriages will be honored anyway.

And to make matters worse, one of their friends discovered [fiance] on an internet dating site, on which he was searching for guys to hook up with. I have not gotten more information on this development, but the fact that he's on the internet dating site in the first place means that he's not serious about this wedding. And I'm not sure if I'm more mad at [fiance]'s secret internet profile or at DarkD for agreeing to a marriage with someone that he's only met for 5 months and his nonchalant behavior regarding getting married in general. Are they even happy together? Or are they only getting married because they're getting a jet out of it. Yes, you read right. [Fiance]'s mommy and daddy bought them a jet for their wedding present. What are their true intentions??

I'm really over this wedding. And so are my friends who are attending it with me. I'm just hoping that it's going to be open bar at this wedding. If it's a pretentious black tie affair, then it better be open bar. I'm not a drinker, but I'm going to need a few drinks to get through the night. And you bet I'll be updating you all on this blog after the wedding, so stayed tuned.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Night Out With the Boys

So Friday night, I went to West Hollywood and hit up three bars with JW and Milo.

Before writing this post, I thought about lying and telling all of you about how I love going to bars and clubs; but the truth is, I had never even been to a straight bar/club before, let alone a gay bar/club. Let's be honest, I'm as nerdy as it gets... why else would this be my favorite shirt?

And nerds just don't go out to clubs often. But Friday night, being bored with nothing to do, Milo suggests we go to West Hollywood (WeHo) to have some fun. After all, it's only 10pm and still early in the night. So I go home and pick out a comfy, slightly tight fitting, long-sleeve hoodie shirt and my tightest pair of jeans, spray on a pint of cologne and then head over to JW's to pick him and Milo up.

This is about the most spontaneous thing I've ever done. I never do anything without a plan. Part of my OCD, I guess. So as I drive on the I-5 Freeway, I start to get a little nervous about it. But I know that I'm with friends so I quickly let that nervousness go. We get there at about midnight, and Milo gets into tour guide mode and points out all the hot spots in WeHo as we drive by. We drive around the side streets for a while and then get super lucky and happen to drive by as a car is pulling out of a parking spot. SCORE! Our night can now begin!

We arrive at The Abbey and we only wait about 5 minutes before we get in. As I walk in, I catch the eyes of a cute guy. We keep eye contact for a good 3-5 seconds, I would say, and he looks like he's interested in me, but JW and Milo walk ahead of me and I don't want to lose them, so I just keep walking. Milo shows me around the many rooms at The Abbey and then we get a drink and just hang out. So many hot guys just walking around! I don't know what to do with myself! However, besides the cute guy from when I walked in, I find myself avoiding eye contact. I have no self-confidence. It's always been a problem with me I guess. But I have horrible self-esteem and I just cannot see any of the hot guys there wanting to have anything to do with me. Amidst my self-loathing, Milo manages to snap a shot of all of us having a good time.

(left to right) Milo, JW, me

We leave The Abbey and proceed to East West. We walk in and find it pretty empty. We go to the back room where we find some couches and we sit down and chat for a bit. I didn't have much to drink (ok, fine I didn't have any to drink yet.. I was the DD) but Milo and JW had dirty martinis at The Abbey and they definitely were affected by it already. So, they decide that making out with each other was the thing to do. There my two friends are, making out on a couch in the East West lounge while I take pictures, with some creepy old man who followed us in to the back room staring at us. And then Milo wants me to kiss JW too, because apparently that's what gays do with their friends. They all make out with each other. So I do, and get a picture taken of it.

After our make out session (well, more like just a peck really), we walk across the street to Eleven. I don't get carded and I walk in to find myself engulfed in a sea of hotties. We dance for a while and it gets real hot, real fast. One thing I really hate about myself is that I sweat so much... it's highly unattractive. But I figure everyone else is sweaty too, so I just forget about it and enjoy myself.

5 minutes into dancing at Eleven, JW spots a Random Hottie and quickly snakes his way through the crowd to bump and grind next to him. For the first 5 minutes or so, it didn't seem likely that it was going to go anywhere, but all of a sudden, Random Hottie turns around and starts dancing with JW. Milo and I look over and just smile, but in our minds we are both thinking, "You lucky bitch!" Pretty soon, they're making out. And being absolutely shameless, Milo takes a picture of it. And I share that with you all now as well.

And as the two make out, JW makes some gesture with his arms at us and we can only assume it to be "Get the fuck away from us so I can keep making out with this Random Hottie." So we do and we go to the bar and grab a drink. Milo orders an Amaretto Sour and just stands there for about 5 minutes while the incredibly hot, muscular, cute bartender continues to take orders from other guys at the bar. Milo gives him a look to ask, "How much?" and he gives a look back to say, "Just take the drink." And so he walks away with a free drink from Hottie Bartender. And since he didn't pay for it, I drink about half of it, and I discover my new favorite drink.

Pretty soon, it's 2AM and the bar makes the announcement that it's closing up, so we make our way out the door and back to my car. On our way back on the side streets, JW finds a building with a glowing red light shining down the side of it. JW gets the bright idea to do an impromptu photo shoot, because apparently that's what gays do. Though I am opposed to it at first, JW and Milo insist I take a picture and I surprisingly get a pretty good photo of myself. Maybe red is my color.

After our crazy photo shoot, we finally get in our cars, get some food at the drive thru at Del Taco, and drive back home. On the drive home, we blast some showtunes on the stereo and sing-along as if we are Broadway stars, because apparently that's what gays do. Unfortunately, I do not have a photo or video of that to share... or maybe it's for the better that I don't have anything to share.

And that's my first experience in WeHo, my first experience at a gay bar, my first experience at ANY bar... and I must say I had an amazing time, thanks to JW and Milo. I really love the two of them, they've become my true BEST friends and I hope we plan to go out to WeHo again soon. Maybe next time, I won't have to make out with my friends and get my own Random Hottie to make out with. Keep your fingers crossed for me! LOL, I'm such a wannabe slut.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Wearing Red

As you may or may not know, I work for a big entertainment company in the Southern California region. And this post is pretty much going to give away where I work, so I might as well just say it. I work at The Happiest Place On Earth. And this weekend, Oct 3-5, is the unofficial Gay Days at Disneyland. For those of you who don't know, the Gay Days weekend happens every first weekend of October and is filled with activities, events, and parties within the Disneyland Resort for gays and lesbians. They are not sponsored by Disney in any way, but Disney does not stop it from happening either. I mean, come on, without the gays, Disneyland would be nothing. And all those joining the festivities wear red so that others will know who they are.

Unfortunately, I will not be in town on Saturday when they have an activity scheduled that would have given me some exposure if I was there, but I'll be there today and on Sunday. Maybe they'll be out at my work location(s) during these two days, because they're usually very fun, energetic, and excited to see us.

Anyway, on Sunday, I'm going to be off work early (because stupid Miley Cyrus is having her Sweet 16th birthday at the park in the nighttime), so Milo and I are planning on attending one of the activities planned in Disney's California Adventure Park. There's a screening of the movie Shelter, which is about a surfer dude who finds comfort in his best friend's gay older brother. I actually JUST watched it tonight with Milo and JW. It was a good movie. Very touching and sweet. Anyway, one of the actors from the movie, Brad Rowe, who plays the older brother, is going to be there for a Q&A after the screening. So Milo and I want to go and take a pic or two with him.

So my plan is to wear my red shirt on Sunday. Now EVERYONE knows about Gay Days and knows about the red shirt thing. So by wearing red that day, I'm pretty much going to be coming out to everyone at work. Of course, I can just tell people "Oh, I totally forgot about the whole red thing" and give my best confused face which I've been so good at faking throughout my closeted life... but I don't think I'll be hiding anymore. I know my friends at work will be completely fine with it and most likely even very supportive of it. I just have to be brave and actually do it. And if people ask, I will not lie. I'll be honest with them. I want to be. I have to be. I don't want to lie to my friends any longer. It's time for me to live my life as me.. the real me. Not to say that I'm not nervous, because just thinking about it right now my palms are getting clammy (maybe I should take up taking Xanax...), but I know it will be alright and it will be good. Wish me luck y'all.

Shameless Request for Lovin': Hey guys, I really like comments. If you're a blog writer, I'm sure you do too. So please gimme some lovin' and post a comment or two. Or write me an email! Also, you see the little thing directly to the right of this post that says "Followers (0)"... well that just makes me sad. Is noone using this new Blog Followers thing?? Alright... that's enough for my shamelessness (at least for another few days....)

Thursday, October 2, 2008


I feel like I just lost a friend.

I got back to my apartment today after visiting family and turned on my computer. The first site I go to nowadays is where it lists all the blogs that I follow. I was happy to see that London Preppy had posted another entry. But the happiness quickly turned to sadness as I read the first line: "This is the last London Preppy post."

For the next 25 minutes, I sat there reading his final post and then the 98 comments that had already been posted on the entry. And while sitting there reading through all of them, I couldn't help but be in utter shock. It's amazing how London Preppy was a part of so many of our lives. No doubt that if you're reading this blog you're familiar with his blog. And 98 comments in the 2-3 hours that he had published that entry. And I'm sure there will be tons more by the day's end.

London Preppy was a big reason for me to start my own blog. I enjoyed his writing and his openness (well, sorta..) and it inspired me to be open about my feelings and write about them. This blog has really become quite therapeutic for me. And I do owe a lot of that to LP.

And every day for the past 2 months or so that I started reading LP, I've become so much of a fan of his writing because his humor is just dead on. His ability to make the most mundane thing absolutely hilarious is why he has almost three quarters of a million visits.

I think I might just go through his entire Archive and just read through every single post. I'm just really sad right now that it's coming to an end. As if I haven't been depressed enough....