Monday, December 29, 2008


What does the term "dating" mean nowadays? I don't even know. I dated my ex-girlfriend for 6.5 years... I didn't date anyone before that. So I really don't know what constitutes "dating" anymore. When I think dating, I think boyfriends. So you must know how I felt when I received a text from Matty a few days ago saying, "I think we should date."

I didn't even know how to respond to that. In a sort of panic, I wrote back: "Matty, I like you but I don't hink I'm ready for anything official yet. Let's just see where things take us."

He responds: "Haha, that's what I think dating is :P"

Me: "Just checking to see if we were on the same page."

Matty: "If I want more I'd have jumped to the boyfriend thing haha! but want to make sure you're not crazy first :P"

So yeah... I don't know what to think about that. I'm not sure if he really is just looking for something unofficial right now or if he just kinda went back on it because I responded telling him I'm not ready.

I never got the difference between "seeing each other" and "dating" and all that terminology. It's all so confusing!

Like I said before, I'm still hung up on how young he is. Though I do plan on seeing him again (in a week) so that I can get to know him better, I'm not getting my hopes up too high.. and I don't want him to get his hopes high either. If in our next meeting, I still don't feel it progressing any further between the two of us, I'm going to have to let him know exactly how I feel about it. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I didn't.

Of course, I'm hoping for the best, but I really just have my reservations about him still.


Joshua said...

Awww!! That's cute!! I think in high school, "dating" is coterminous with "boyfriend", but as Sex in the City has taught me (even though I hate the show because it's boring as hell), dating does not equal boyfriend!

I think you should give this a shot, though, because you never know--he might be your 6.5 years with a boy!

Zee said...

Like i told you before, you should just be up front with him either way. If you decide to be boyfriends with him, tell him about the one reservation you had. If you decide to end it with him, tell him why.

naturgesetz said...

I'm an old fogey, and I dunno what the words mean nowadays. Way back when, a "date" was a planned get together with someone you wanted to get to know, with a potential for further development. Dating someone did not imply that you would not date someone else. "Going steady" was dating each other exclusively, by agreement.

Going on a date did not obligate you to do another, and you could go on multiple dates without officially going steady.

Could it be that when you say you're "dating" someone, it means you've agreed to continue to have dates, but not necessarily to be exclusive about it? Then would bf mean about the same thing as going steady, as far as the relationship being exclusive? Just my guess.

Barry said...

Nooo.. Doug! "Dating" doesn't mean "boyfriends"... it just means going on dates lol. Basically, it means he'd like to go on a couple of more dates with you to see if it really is going to work. There's no more commitment than that :)

Well, apart from really that he probably assumes you won't be going on dates with anyone else.

Basically, me and Matt dated for two months before we got together as boyfriends. But, at least you asked to make sure you were on the same page :)

PS. Hope you're well.. writing you an email now :)

Godfrey Off the Grid said...

I agree. Dating = not exclusive. Boyfriends = exclusive. Sounds like you've got a handle on it though. Definitely see where it goes.

Aek said...

I'm just as clueless as you are, lol. But I think I agree what others have said above.

Best of luck with everything! :D Where were you last night on AIM? o.O

Anonymous said...

As someone who knows something about semantics (rather regardless of the syntax), I'd say Matty's still interested in something more than you are. :-/

I don't know why the age difference should bother you. If I met someone I really like and he were 19, I'd be willing to date him still. But if you think the age is the source of other factors that are a problem, then, yeah, I guess, incidentally, age is an issue.

jay.osa said...

what berry said. you not boyfriends yet, it might lead to that but he wants to see you a few more times first. that way you both cam decide how much farther you want to take it.


victor said...

definitions change without notice, just ask bill clinton. like the guys said, just make sure you're working with the same definition before going anywhere. it sounds like he's interested. age should not matter, as long as he's legal. be upfront with him, and hopefully he will do the same. good luck.

Anonymous said...

I remember River Phoenix talking about a "date" in My Own Private Idaho. As for myself, I am non-committal.
My love live is pretty bland, but on one occasion I had fantastic sex with a guy in West Palm Beach. I really felt paranoid when he called me back and wanted to get together again.
He was a big younger, but said he liked older guys.
So the questions you might ask yourself are:
Is he looking to move in?
Is he supporting himself?
And using a line from "The Girl Next Door: Was the Juice worth the squeeze?

PhD Snowboarder said...

I have to agree with everyone, "dating does not mean you are in an exclusive relationship."

Take a leap of faith and go for it!

Doug said...

Thanks everyone for your input and for helping me figure out what all this "dating" thing is.

From most everyone's comments, "dating" doesn't necessarily mean exclusivity. And that's a good thing. I'm hoping he thinks of it the same way too. I'll try to work that into a conversation when I see him next.

I'm definitely giving him a chance though. We're texting each other non-stop throughout the day. And we promised each other to get to know each other better when he comes down to see me.

I have more stuff about him that I want to write in a post.. so I'll save it for that.

But THANKS EVERYONE! You all have really helped! Love you all!

Mr. HCI said...

I may be younger than naturgesetz but probably more old-fashioned. To me, dating is doing things together like going out to eat, going to the movies, etc. It also means you're not fucking yet. IMO, you shouldn't be sticking things in holes unless you're ready to be exclusive.

naturgesetz said...

I agree with Mr. HCI's final point.