Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Responding to Comments

I just want to thank everyone for taking the time to answer some of those questions. Those two questions about Date Guy Matt and my friend (Jeffrey) breaking up were more questions for myself to find out and ponder. But I definitely thought through all of your responses to the other questions and I think it has really helped me make a decision about this guy.

HCI: Shouldn't him being Jeffrey's ex affect things? I mean, would you want your friend dating your ex? That just keeps going through my head. Or is that not that big of a deal anymore? I really don't know. And I guess I would have to ask Jeffrey. BUT, he's still in Paris and hardly ever gets online. Oh.. and the other thing.. he doesn't know I'm gay yet.. That creates a problem...

Gay Snowboarder: I tend to stress over guys, don't I? That's bad... You're right that not too much energy should be wasted on him... but he's just some damn HOT though. It's hard to get over that.

James: It's in my nature to forgive people. I hardly ever hold a grudge... He really should've called or contacted me in SOME way. But at least he did apologize afterwards, right?

Midori: You're totally right... I made it too big of a deal. Again, I tend to do that a lot. Perhaps, in the future, I need to just calm down more and not stress over it and blow it out of proportion. And yes, shelving him as a possible friend/date sounds like a good idea. I don't think I should put too much stock in this guy.

Aron: A little obsessive? What made you think that? lol. And I will try to detach myself from any expectations. Thank you for that advice.

E: Haha... simple and succinct. Thanks.

AJ: Yeah - he SHOULD make it up to me! So we'll see how it goes.

Steevo: Flakes.... hate them. Unless they're Frosted Flakes... in which case they're G-R-R-R-EAT!

Joshua: I think you hit the nail on the head about how him being Jeffrey's ex affects things. And I seriously wouldn't know if Jeffrey would approve or not. There's just so many "what ifs" to this situation!

Barry: (From Yahoo chat) He definitely does owe me... so you're right in telling me not to go out of my way to chat with him. And yeah, why didn't he message me sooner? What IS he trying to avoid?

So I really want to thank you guys for commenting and giving me your advice.
My Decision: I'm going to STOP initiating contact with him. If he wants to talk to me, then he'll message me. If he does, then I will talk to him and see where it goes. And he definitely would have to make up for standing me up some how. For now, I will try not to let my knowledge of him being Jeffrey's ex affect me. I think we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. If he doesn't contact me, then whatever... his loss, I guess. I mean, it's going to be hard to just stop contacting him because he's seriously the hottest guy that's ever paid any attention to me, but what good is he if he's not into me?

I'm glad I've made this decision and even more thankful that I had you guys to help me through it. All you guys are THE BEST! :)


Mr. HCI said...

The ex-thing:

You didn't realize you'd met him before, right? So it's not like you were waiting in the wings for them to break up so you could swoop in and have Matt for yourself.

I reread what you wrote, though, and realized I missed where you wrote that your friend from work is returning next month. Taking that into consideration, if you do go out with Matt, I'd recommend making sure he and the other guy are definitely no longer together and not just on hiatus. If they're definitely through, it's none of your business why unless one or both decides to tell you (i.e., don't ask).

Waiting for him to initiate things in future is the right decision, IMO. Good for you and good luck!

James said...

Apologizing doesn't make everything right, though. He apologized, you forgave, now move on. This guy leaves me with a very bad feeling on many levels. He makes 8 million excuses under the sun as to why he couldn't meet you? I mean, come on. If I had a date and couldn't make it, I'd be trying every method under the sun to contact the other person, including leaving a message on the site. This guy reeks of insincerity...something I particularly dislike. If we don't have trust with someone else, then what's the point of having anything else with someone?

Anyways, those are just my thoughts. You have to do what you know to be best for yourself, and that is not, ultimately, anything I can say much about (since I'm not you :P). If you decide to go with him and you are hurt, then I'll be here to listen and won't say "I told you so." And if it turns out well, I'll happily eat crow on the matter, lol.

Gay Snowboarder said...

I think that is very wise of you for doing what you are doing. Just because he is the first hot guy to pay attention to you doesn't mean he is the last. Trust me, he's not the first nor the last. Trust me, the first hottest black guy to pay attention to me, I fell in love with him, started a relationship with him. He got some girl prenaunt while we were dating for 4 years and now he is marrying the bitch and they have a happy family. Am I bitter no, would I beat the bitches ass if I ever saw her, mmmm no because I am a professional. The point I am trying to make is there will always be hot guys!