Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Date Guy Matt

Ok, so more about Date Guy Matt. Logged on to the dating site and got a message from him.

hey, im sorry. things got busy for me here - family ended up coming over since we didnt ALL get together for the holiday. lets try and reschedule tho. it wasnt intentional

I asked about his phone and his AIM and he said his phone has been acting up and his AIM logs on automatically on his computer that he doesn't use. Sounds like excuses... but I guess I'm too nice and gave him another chance. So I started emailing back and forth again.

Well, today, my buddy Jon calls me up and tells me to get on Facebook to look something up. APPARENTLY, Matt and I have met before. Jon knew he had looked familiar to him. And I thought he looked familiar too. Matt is actually the ex of one of my good friends from work. My friend is in Paris right now for work, but he's back in January. Sigh... how complicated can this be?

Lots of questions:
  • Do I forgive him for standing me up?
  • Are those excuses good enough?
  • Should I continue to talk with him?
  • How does he being my friend's ex affect things?
  • How did he and my friend break up?
  • Did they even truly break up or was it because he was in a different country?
  • Is this way too many questions to waste on one guy?
How ridiculous....


Mr. HCI said...

Do I forgive him for standing me up?

Can't hurt

Are those excuses good enough?

phones do screw up and I know I have a tendency to be logged in to chat programs and leave without shutting 'em off

Should I continue to talk with him?

Can't hurt

How does he being my friend's ex affect things?

Should it?

How did he and my friend break up?

MYOB, actually

Did they even truly break up or was it because he was in a different country?


Is this way too many questions to waste on one guy?



Gay Snowboarder said...

I think you are stressing out over one guy. There are plenty of fish in the sea. I think he should have at least sent you a text saying he was busy since he did make plans with you and he did tell you to get a hold of him. I am sure you are handsome and you can find someone better. I am not a hater but don't waste your energy here, it is to precious.

Anonymous said...

Forgive him, but don't go out with him. Really, he had his chance. In any normal world, he would have had the responsibility of calling you and telling you he was busy etc. The fact that he can't manage that doesn't bode well for anything else. I say leave him, as much as it might hurt you to do so.

midoriverdegreen said...

I don't think he thought this date was as big of a deal as you did so maybe you should forgive him for standing you up, even though it sucks to have some one stand you up wether they are a hot date or just a friend.
I don't think those excuses were so great but i do understand how hectic it gets when family members stay for longer than they are invited.
I think that you should continue to talk to him but maybe you should lower your expectations, maybe shelf him in the possible good friends/possible boyfriend shelf of people you like.
I don't think that him being your friends ex should effect things much unless your friend still likes him.

So i guess im saying to not completely shut him out of your life but be warry that this might show you how he could act in the future.

Anonymous said...

Do your forgive him? Yes, but recognize what it means -- he's not nearly as into you as you are into him. Maybe that's okay--you were a little obsessive.

Are those excuses good enough? Good enough for what?

Should you continue to talk with him? Yes, if you can detach from expectations of where it might or might not go. No, if you can't detach (cuz you'll just get hurt).

How does he being your friend's ex affect things? Dunno. Do you talk to your friend?

How did he and your friend break up? You're asking the wrong crowd.

Did they even truly break up? Now, you're obsessing.

E said...

Go for it...

AJCon89 said...

i say he has to make it up to you big time... show you that he is really interested in going out.

If he is... then yeah... why not... its only a date.

if not... then bye bye.

Steevo said...


he's likely a flake... but some flakes are delightful in many ways.

how about coffee after a movie? "date" may have meant an appointment to him and a prelude to physical bliss to u.



Joshua said...

1. Do I forgive him for standing me up?
No. He knew about the date. Even if his phone was acting up, I'm sure had access to a computer to even send you an email or SOMETHING. It's not that hard to notify people. He could of at least told you earlier than today.

2. Are those excuses good enough?
No. I think those are made up. I can make better excuses than that...

3. Should I continue to talk with him?
Personally, I think you should find someone else. Yeah, family is important, but so are other people, and standing someone up is kinda fucked up.

4. How does he being my friend's ex affect things?
I think it makes things a hell of a lot more complicated. Sure, you guys will have stuff to talk about (namely, his ex/your friend), but do you really want to start out your date talking about how he and your friend broke up or whatever was wrong with their relationship? I mean, it is your friend...and it might be an awkward date where the focus is on something else. Plus, you'll continue to see him as your friend's ex and not a stranger to get to know. Would your friend approve? How close are you to him/her?

5. How did he and my friend break up?
I don't know.

6. Did they even ... yeah I dunno.

7. Is this way too many questions to waste on one guy?
No. But what are you questioning? 3 questions are about trust and the logic of commitment, and 3 questions are about his relationship with your friend. I think those questions signify some sort of uneasiness--it's a first impression. I think the questions say that you will already have trouble trusting him and plus, I really don't think he's worth it.

I don't agree that you thought more about this date than he did. I don't think anyone can say that for sure because there's no basis of comparison since we don't know how much he wanted to go out on this date. We can only assume that he isn't because of his actions, but then again his excuses could have been true, which would create a sort of "extenuating circumstances" situation where his actions don't match his intentions.

But I still think he could have emailed you earlier.