Saturday, January 10, 2009

WordPress?

So Jon randomly asked me where to go to create his own blog, and of course I said, BLOGGER.COM!

But now, I'm thinking he should go to WordPress. JoietotheMax is a WordPress user and he highly recommends it. I actually went over to WordPress to sign up for a free account right now, thinking that I'll possibly start a second blog for my friends IRL... but then I started thinking about what I would write about... and there's pretty much nothing that I would want to write about in that blog, because everything that matters to me would be written in this one.

So then I started thinking... what if I exported my posts from this Blogger account over to WordPress? I know there's the capability to do that...

EDIT: The reason why I want to make the move to WordPress is because it has a lot more functionality. The blogs themselves look better and the WordPress dashboard does all the tracking that Google Analytics does. And uploading and posting pictures to the blog is much easier as well.

But my only fear is.... Would you guys still read my blog? I know there are some of you that have your links and subscriptions to this blog and some of you follow this blog through Blogger... So would it be too big of a hassle for you to change your subscriptions over to WordPress? I put this as my new Poll on the right, so go vote. And then write a comment on here to let me know how you feel about it.

I just wanted to get some opinions from you guys before I did anything drastic! I don't want to lose my readers cuz you guys give awesome advice and I really consider you my friends!

Speaking of readers, I track my readers through Google Analytics, and I have a reader from Uganda! And Germany! and Spain! and Austria! and Singapore! and South Africa! and Italy! and Norway! I would love it if these readers would "speak up" and write me a comment or two! I really would love to get to know my readers!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Response to Comments

I just wanted to write a post to say thanks for the well wishes from everyone on my last post.

But I just wanted to reply to a specific comment from exalen. I actually already posted a reply comment, but I wanted to write it as a post because I think everyone should read it to know a bit more about my situation.

Here's exalen's comment:
Dude, hate to have to be the voice of reason here, but I gotta ask you for a reality check.

The world is falling apart economically atm, and I think you need to play all the cards you got. If you're prepared to work at Starbucks and BOA then what is stopping you from actually using that teaching/econ degree you worked so hard for?

Since you're working towards your masters I assume you don't hate that industry. Maybe you don't love it as much as Disney, but I don't think you can afford to put all your eggs in one basket here.

Dieney may have been fun and I know you had some good times. But times change and life is not a static thing. You have to roll with the punches and adapt to survive.

Of course I wish you best of luck, and I'd love to be able to tel you to follow your dreams and damn the rest, but I also have to be the devil's advocate and ask you to look at the bigger picture and consider your long term future.

If you value your independance and want to maintain living by yourself then you have to look at all your options. Not just the easy/fun ones.

Well, here's my reply to exalen:
Thanks for playing devil's advocate. I need to hear it every once in a while.

I'm prepared to work for Stabucks and BOA because I know that working hours would work with Disney. My job at Disney doesn't require me to be there until after 2pm. Therefore a part time job at the other places in the morning is ideal.

I'm getting a Masters due to pressure from my family. Unfortunately, I don't have much of a passion for teaching. I used to. And then I went through the teaching credential program and lost it. Just wasn't what I thought. And then the opportunity to get a Masters was available so I took it because it was a relatively simple and quick way to get a Masters degree. And it made my family happy.

But you're so right about wanting to be independent and living alone... which is why I will be looking for a teaching job this Spring to start in Fall of 09. By that time, I will have received my Masters degree, which puts me at a higher pay scale. So I feel like it would be a little bit more worth it to start teaching at that time. Plus, I do plan to stay part time with Disney even after finding a teaching job.

But thanks again, exalen, for being a voice of reason. I really appreciate it

Unemployment

So I don't know whether to be more worried about being unemployed or not.

You see... I got paid two days ago. It was my paycheck for my last full week of work. Nice one too since I worked a lot of hours the last week. Then next Thursday, I'll get another paycheck that includes my last day of work and then a few sick pay hours that I cashed out. Not going to be the best paycheck, but it will still be income. After that, I'm getting another paycheck from my second job (choreographer for my former high school's show choir), so that's some more money to help me pay my bills. But then after that, I have no more paychecks...

I'm still looking for jobs. Wells Fargo hasn't replied even after two phone calls and an email. So I'm guessing that's a "no." But I did get a phone interview with Bank of America for a teller position scheduled for Monday. So wish me luck with that. This weekend, I'm going down to several Starbucks around the area to see if they're hiring, but working there would mean horribly early hours... And then I'll seek for jobs at the nearby shopping malls... Blah.

You may be asking: "Doug, you have a teaching credential. You're getting your Masters. You graduated from UCLA with an Economics degree. Why aren't you looking for better jobs?"

Well, good question... and it's a question that my family keeps asking me. But I tell them, and I tell you now, it's because I love my job at Disneyland. You seriously have no idea how much fun and how much joy it brings me. I know getting "laid off" should've been my sign to move on and get a "real" job. But I'm just not ready to go. There's still a new parade that Disneyland is developing and the auditions for it are coming at the end of this month. I'm hoping for the best with that.

And if I don't get this new parade, then only THEN will I take it as a true sign that I need to get another job.

So please just wish me luck with getting a part time job for now just to get me through the next month or two. And then wish me luck on that audition.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

"This is going to sound horrible..."

So I had the talk with Matty. To paraphrase, I told him that I'm just not ready to spend so much time together so soon and that we're just moving too fast. I told him it was my fault for not speaking up about it earlier, but I just wasn't ready for a relationship yet. He asked if he should just stop coming around. I told him that I enjoyed our time together and that we should still come over to play video games and hang out from time to time.

After the talk, we were both online but we didn't IM each other for the longest time. And then out of nowhere he IMs me and asks me what I was doing. So I tell him I'm watching TV and Facebook-ing. He tells me he's watching a movie. We have some chit chat for a bit. Then he says, "ok, this is going to sound horrible... but can we still have sex?"

LOL. I really did "LOL" him back on IM. Followed be a "hahahaha." And then a "sure." :P

HAHA, so I take it that he took "the talk" real well. ;) And now I guess I have my first friend with benefits! Never had one of those before!

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Video Games

So Matty just left. But we had a nice 2.5 days.

After our dinner on the first night, we played some Nintendo Wii. We had actually started playing the Wii last night after dinner. We started with Mario Kart. It was fun, but it was starting to get a little tense with the competition... so I suggested a different game. And when he saw "Marvel Ultimate Alliance", his eyes lit up. lol. So we played that for the rest of the night. I think we must have played 5 hours before we went to bed.

The next morning, we woke up next to each other, with him playing with my hard-on. It was fun, to say the least, to get jacked off when waking up. ;) Then, we had a real low key day. We met up with two of his friends for lunch at one of my favorite sushi restaurants. I was hesitant to meet his friends, but that's cuz I'm really anti-social. But, it turned out real well. We just chatted and it wasn't awkward. They were really nice people and it was cool to hang out with them.

Afterwards, Matty and I came back to my apartment and we continued to play Marvel. We did that for the rest of the night. lol. We made cookies when we got hungry, but we didn't actually eat a real dinner. We played until 1am. And we beat the game! WOOO! LOL. It was real fun. At the very end, we decided to put in a few cheat codes just to make it a little more fun. HEHE.

We then took a shower together, and we had a little fun in there. I really do love showers. ;)

This morning, we went to ramen together. He tried a new ramen and didn't like it as much as last time. But he paid for me this time. Very sweet of him. Only thing that bothered me about today was that he kept asking me to speak Cantonese. I forgot how we got on that topic, but I told him I was born in Hong Kong. And he wanted me to speak it. But it's one of my BIGGEST pet peeves to have someone ask me to speak Cantonese. I don't know why... it just bothers me a lot. And the more someone asks me, the more I won't want to do it. And he just kept asking me and I didn't like that. I asked him to stop asking me and finally he did. But do you guys have a weird pet peeve like that? If you don't, then I guess you wouldn't understand.. but it REALLY REALLY bothers me.

So you all must be wondering... what's the verdict on Matty. Well... I think that he's looking for more than what I'm looking for. I think that we've actually moved a little too quickly for my tastes. Both times he has stayed over more than a day. It's just a lot of time to spend with someone you're just trying to get to know right now. And though he's a sweet boy and I could tell he tried to be less pessimistic about stuff (for example: he caught himself when he wanted to say "I hate my life."), but it was the fact that he had to catch himself because he WAS going to say it... it just turns me off.

And also being with his friends, I can tell that he has a lot of drama surrounding him and his friends and I try to stay away from drama as much as possible. I'm sure he's not causing the drama, but if drama follows him, then I'm not sure I want to be around that.

So I guess I'm saying that Matty would be a really good friend to have, I don't think much more will come from it. I just have to find a way to let him know how I feel about it. Any suggestions on how to have "the talk" with him?

Monday, January 5, 2009

Dinner

Matty's in the kitchen cooking right now. I helped peeled the potatoes! But I'm staying out of his way cuz he wanted to cook for me. ;) He's making Garlic Mushrooms, Scalloped Potatoes, and Halva, a greek dessert.

Well I'm gonna pop my head into the kitchen to see if I can help anymore :)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A Day Away

So only about a little more than a day before I see Matty again. I'm actually really excited to see him. We're going to be having a pretty low key time together, mostly because I don't have much money due to my financial situation. When he comes down, he's actually making dinner for me. He has a whole menu set. We're getting the stuff we need at the store when he gets here, and then he's cooking. :) I've never had someone cook for me before. It's pretty cool. hehe.

He will be spending the night since he lives so far away. The next day, we're going to have ramen again. YUM. He liked it so much last time that he wants to go again. And this time he's paying. ;) No objections to that!

So I want to thank everyone for your comments and input on my situation from my last post. He didn't seem to be phased by my text. And I'm hoping that he tries to be a little more positive when he sees me. I think I'm just being honest with him and sharing my thoughts and by him accepting that, it's actually showing maturity, which is a step in the right direction. :)

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In other news, in preparation for the 5th season premiere of Lost on January 21st, I'm re-watching all of Season 4 right now. My sister bought some bootleg DVDs (people recorded the show off the TV and placed them all on DVDs to sell them) and I stole them from her tonight. So I'm going to watch them straight through. I'm on Episode 3 now. There are 13 episodes. It'll take me a little more than a day. :)

More other news, tomorrow (today... Sunday) is the last day of employment for me... I'm still trying to find a job. I'm going ot be actively looking for jobs this coming work week. I don't know where to even start, but I'll just go around filling out applications or something. I guess anything will do... but I really refuse to work fast food. I just... can't do it. Starbucks is fine.. but something like McDonald's? ... no way. Well.. wish me luck on that!

Saturday, January 3, 2009

My Thoughts on Matty

In a little bit over 2 days, Matty will be coming down to visit me. I'm happy to be able to spend some time with him soon. It'll give us time to get to know each other more. We promised each other that we'd talk and find out more about each other.

I just want him to come down already, because I still have some apprehensions about starting any type of serious relationship with him.. all based on my first date with him and the texts that we've sent each other. Maybe when we get to know each other better, these apprehensions will go away.

But there are several things that cause my apprehensions. You've already read about the bowling incident... Well, for New Year's, Matty went to a party that his friend invited him to. When I called him to say hi before the New Year, he told me all about how his friend ignored him and the rest of his friends after they got there. And also that he hates life because his friends all suck. And that he wanted to go in the hot tub but her friend told her she didn't want anyone in it because she'd have to clean it the next day, but he was going to do it anyway.

I was actually at MY New Year's party when I made the phone call. And just hearing his situation brought my mood down a bit. I was frustrated for him and wondered why his friend would be so inconsiderate. But I was also frustrated at Matty that almost everything that he's ever talked about has been a downer... He's always talking about how shitty his friends are and how poorly he is treated by the people he knows. He talks about how much he hates life and how badly his life sucks.

I know some of that stuff is out of his control, but I also feel like he likes to sulk and be pessimistic about things. That's just not the the type of person I want to have a relationship with. I know I'm not the most optimistic person you'll meet, but that's more reason why I need someone more positive in my life.

So tonight, after another text from him about hating life, I text this to him:
I hope you don't hate me for saying this but I don't like it when you tell me you hate your life. I like people who can be more positive.

Was that too harsh? He replies with some sort of explanation that I don't really understand... something about saying how things suck right now makes it easier for him to take another new step. But that he really is a positive person.

Well, I guess I'm just glad I got that off my chest. His pessimism was really starting to get to me. And hopefully by me calling him out on it, he won't be so .... whiny anymore. It's just a big turn off for me.

Does it sound like I'm trying to change him? Cuz that's not my intention. But I just wanted him to know what I like and what I dislike... Could I have handled it differently? Said something different? In any case, do you guys agree that it's sort of a turn off?

Friday, January 2, 2009

New Years Party

So my last post made it sound like I was the one all drunk at the party - but it was quite the opposite. Actually, I was one of the only ones sober the whole night. I did have some champagne but I just drank my Martinelli's Sparkling Cider the rest of the night.

But my friends on the other... wow... some of them were drunk messes. Jeez. I got to ML's house at 11:30 or so. And right when I walk in, I already hear loud screaming and see people running around like crazies. LOL. Our friend Amy kept jumping up and down with her boobs half hanging out yelling my name. "Doug ____! Doug _____!!!" HAHA.

And then one point in the night, Amy took our other friend Neil's phone and so Neil started chasing her around the house. Well, they got to a corner and Neil ran smack into Kelly's face. Kelly got a bruise on the bridge of her nose and was in the bathroom examining it while Neil is still drunk and on the floor, yelling for his phone. Ridiculous! but super funny! LOL.

Other memorable moments:
  • Sang the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air song because it was on TV, but all wrong cuz most everyone was drunk
  • Saw the Hoveround commercial on TV and decided to crank call it and pretend to order one
  • Erected a human pyramid (see figure 1)
  • Jeff saw a bottle of White Zinfandel and decided that it was trashy to bring it to a party and poured it down the sink!! (what a bitch!!)
  • Compared penis sizes (through a tape measure. lol. didn't really whip it out!)
  • Miles gave a masterclass/seminar on how to give a great blowjob. I learned a few new things! hehe.
(Figure 1)

So I definitely had a good time! And it was one of my first New Year's parties with my friends. Actually, it might actually be my first. Every other time, I was home alone or with family. So yay!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

May everyone's 2009 be amazing and full of wonderful moments!

Love you all and will update with all the drunkeness and drama from my New Year's party soon!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Came Twice In 15 Min

Yes, my post is about what you are thinking. LOL.

At 2:45am, I decided to go take a shower. And while I was in the shower, I decided to get a little naughty and jerk off. I took my time, let the hot water run down my body, and slowly worked up a good rhythm. My guess is around 3:05, I came. And it was a pretty nice load. ;)

I toweled off, got dressed, and got on my laptop. There, I got a message back from someone I had messaged on that online dating hookup site that I go to. He had given me his Yahoo screen name so I messaged him to say Hi.

One or two messages of formalities later, he proceeds to tell me that he's on cam right now with another guy. o.O

Well, alright... I play along. I tell him "that's hot." but I proceeded to tell him that I'd love to join him but had just had a nice wank in the shower. He tells me it doesn't matter, and that I should get on cam anyway to play because he can get me hard again.

Intrigued, and because I thought he looked hot in his picture on the website, I agreed to playing. So, I decided to cheat a little and turn on a nice porno vid, and then turn on the cam. He, of course, was already had and jerking. He begins to type dirty to me, and I guess that's what gets me because I was getting hard pretty quickly. And by 3:15am, he has cum, and I cum for a second time. And it was another impressive load too. ;)

So, I guess it was within 10-15 minutes that I came twice. LOL. That hasn't happened in a long time.. if ever! It was kind of fun but I'm pretty sure little Doug is tired now. ;)

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In other news, I'm watching "From the Earth to the Moon." Did anyone watch this when it was on HBO in 1998? I can't believe it's been 10 years since this was on! For those who don't know, it was an HBO Miniseries (before Band of Brothers, I believe) produced by Tom Hanks and Brian Grazer. It chronicles the manned missions of NASA's Apollo Space Program, so all the missions that had to do with going to the moon.

The whole thing was well written, well filmed, well acted. I just love every part of it. I bought the DVDs for it a few years ago, and now I'm re-watching from the beginning. Currently, I'm watching Part 5, which talks about building, testing, and flying the Lunar Excursion Module (LEM) used for landing on the moon. :)

God I'm such a nerd. LOL. But I seriously recommend getting these DVDs and watching them because it's absolutely amazing!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Will These Feelings Ever Go Away?

Just the other night, I spoke with someone online about Jamie and how he's not worth even thinking about anymore. Well... what do you know? I've gone back to my old ways. As I was browsing through Facebook tonight, it notified me that Jamie had update a bunch of photos on his page. Of course, I go and check them out. I can't help but think how cute he is in some of those photos. He also posted a status saying that he can't sleep. So I left him a comment agreeing that the worst thing is wanting to sleep but not being able to do it.

I didn't actually expect him to reply at all, so I went and took a shower. After the shower, I noticed that I got a new message on Facebook... from Jamie! It was written 15 minutes prior to me checking it. He was actually replying to a note that I had written on Facebook that listed everything I did chronologically from Jan-Dec 2008. In August 2008, I had written "Had some self exploration." This, of course, refers to my time with Jamie and coming to terms that I was indeed gay, as most of you have read.

Well, he replies: "'Had some self-exploration?' Come to think of it, that was the last 'self exploration' I had and it was rather nice. :-)"

So I reply back to him: "LOL. It was rather nice, wasn't it? How are you doing? I see that you've been sick but feeling better now? And what are you doing online at 5am??"

Another few minutes passes by, and he replies saying that our time together was awkward and could have been better if we had both relaxed more. Then he's telling me about his job and how much he's not enjoying it right now. He also tells me that the boy that he was seeing during my visit out there to Florida had gone back to his cheating tendencies so they are no longer together. He again mentions that he has not had any sex since our time together and then ends the reply telling me he spent Christmas sick and alone. :(

I reply to him once again, sympathizing to his work situation and telling him about mine as well. Also sympathize with his situation with his ex-boy and share that I, too, was home alone for Christmas. I then agree that the sex together was awkward, but what I enjoyed most was the cuddling afterwards.

Well, this was at 2:30m, which was 5:30am for him. I didn't get a reply back, so I'm assuming he fell asleep finally. But yeah... that was our little exchange tonight. I don't know what it is, but he just pulls me in every time I see something about him on Facebook. As much as I want to get over him, it really is just not as easy.

Am I a fool for staying in contact with him? Should I stop trying to talk to him? I think that there's still some part of me that wishes that we could spend more time together. Is that just ridiculous? Blah.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Dating?

What does the term "dating" mean nowadays? I don't even know. I dated my ex-girlfriend for 6.5 years... I didn't date anyone before that. So I really don't know what constitutes "dating" anymore. When I think dating, I think boyfriends. So you must know how I felt when I received a text from Matty a few days ago saying, "I think we should date."

I didn't even know how to respond to that. In a sort of panic, I wrote back: "Matty, I like you but I don't hink I'm ready for anything official yet. Let's just see where things take us."

He responds: "Haha, that's what I think dating is :P"

Me: "Just checking to see if we were on the same page."

Matty: "If I want more I'd have jumped to the boyfriend thing haha! but want to make sure you're not crazy first :P"

So yeah... I don't know what to think about that. I'm not sure if he really is just looking for something unofficial right now or if he just kinda went back on it because I responded telling him I'm not ready.

I never got the difference between "seeing each other" and "dating" and all that terminology. It's all so confusing!

Like I said before, I'm still hung up on how young he is. Though I do plan on seeing him again (in a week) so that I can get to know him better, I'm not getting my hopes up too high.. and I don't want him to get his hopes high either. If in our next meeting, I still don't feel it progressing any further between the two of us, I'm going to have to let him know exactly how I feel about it. It wouldn't be fair to either of us if I didn't.

Of course, I'm hoping for the best, but I really just have my reservations about him still.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Holiday Gifts

Remember that Early Holiday Wish List that I posted at the beginning of the month? Well, it's pretty amazing that I got pretty much 3 out of 4 of those things!!

1. The 320gb Hard Drive: my mom sent me a check for $200 and you bet I went online and bought that hard drive right away! I transferred the files and installed it in my laptop ASAP! And now I have an extra external hard drive as a bonus! :)

2. MacBook Battery: still working on this one... Cost is $130... I can't afford it right now. But I just checked the battery's statistics right now:
  • Original Battery Capacity: 5020 mAh (Don't ask me what mAh stands for.. I dunno lol)
  • Current Battery Capacity: 629 mAh - 12% of the original.
LOL, isn't that ridiculous? and this is only after 29 months. Well, anyway, it's definitely time for a new battery because I can't get more than 15 minutes of use without plugging it in.

3. Cuisinart Blender/Food Processor: so it turns out that my family DID buy one of these a long time ago and they just never used it. SOOO I went home and grabbed it and now I own one! Well, without the food processor part, because they lost it... BUT I have the blender! And I've been making myself smoothies since I've gotten it. YUMMY!

4. Iron Gym: I didn't think I'd be getting this one, but the other day, the 26th, I went to CVS Pharmacy with my ex, Jen, after having dinner at Islands. She needed medicine because she was getting sick, so I tagged along. There I was in the aisle for Sudafed when I turned around and saw the Iron Gym on the top shelf of the next aisle. I ran over and grabbed it, checked the price, and proceeded to go buy it. LOL. $30. :) So I put it together, and tried it out on my door. UNFORTUNATELY, my door frames are too wide. LOL. But, the quick fix is to extend the bar (which is not recommended, but i'm going to do it anyway).

So yay for Christmas gifts! I'm happy that I got what I wanted this year! I can't remember a year where I actually got most of the gifts that I asked for! So that's pretty nice!

Did you all get what you wanted this year? What did you guys get? What was your favorite gift?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

2008 in Music

2008 has been a pretty interesting year for me. So many things happened in my life: traveled to Canada/New York, went on a Caribbean Cruise, broke up with my girlfriend, found an apartment to live on my own, had my first sexual experiences with boys, met Jamie, admitted to myself and accepted that I was gay, started a blog, came out to my friends, met some great online friends, flew to Florida to see Jamie, went to my first gay club/bar, dressed up "sexy" for Halloween, had my first real date with a boy, had my first bad date with a boy, campaigned for Prop 8, got drunk in Vegas, obsessed over a boy online who ignored me, met Matty, found out I don't have a job come 2009, went on a date with Matty, slept with Matty, and now writing this blog entry. :) I'd say that it's been a pretty eventful year, filled with ups and downs.

So to celebrate the year 2008, I thought I'd post a bunch of my favorite songs that I listened to during this year. Some of them have special meaning to me, and I will write a bit about them under the video if that's the case. Hope you guys like the songs!

Timbaland feat. OneRepublic - Apologize


Mary Poppins (Broadway) - Chim Cher-ee/Supercalifragilisticexpealidocioius

When I went to New York to visit my friends, I was able to catch Mary Poppins on Broadway! :) It was such an amazing show! And Gavin Lee, who plays Bert, is pretty cute! Can't wait until the touring cast comes to Los Angeles!

Duffy - Mercy


Leona Lewis - Bleeding Love


Twice Charmed: An Original Twist on the Cinderella Story - Chasing a Dream

I took a Caribbean Cruise on the Disney Cruise Line to visit my friend who was working on the boat. I was so impressed by this show! I loved every bit of it! I'm such a Disney goob!

John Williams - Olympics Fanfare

August 2008 was an amazing month because it was time for the Olympics!! I remember spending every free moment at home watching the Olympics! I couldn't get enough of it! And I think the most memorable moment must have been the 4x100 Freestyle Relay where Jason Lezak made up a full body's length to win the gold for the US! OH SO AMAZING! I love the Olympics!

Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go

Want to thank David from Some Things About Me for posting about this song. Because ever since I heard it, I just loved it. And plus, it was kinda my "theme song" for Jamie. Not that Jamie deserves a theme song.. it just reminded me of him when I first heard it because so much of the lyrics rang true at that time.

Royksopp - Only This Moment

This song was sent to me by my good UK friend Barry :) From the first time I heard it, I really liked it. But funny story that goes along with this: I had put this song on my playlist on my iPhone. This was back when only Jon and Miles were the only ones who knew I was gay. I had left my iPhone playlist on speaker at lunch and people were listening to the songs. This song comes on and someone at the table asks, "Why is there a gay club in this phone right now?" Miles and Jon just looks at each other and starts laughing because it was my phone and I had JUST told them I was gay a few days before this happened. I dunno, I guess it's just funny to us... definitely an "inside joke" moment for the three of us.

Rhianna - Disturbia


Celine Dion - To Love You More

Another reason why I admitted to myself I was gay: I enjoy Celine Dion. LOL

Adele - Hometown Glory



Jem - Got It Good

AMAZING song that I think everyone should listen to. Just makes me feel all warm inside when I listen to it.

Marley & Me

I just got home from watching "Marley & Me" in the theaters tonight. It was such a CUTE movie! I really loved it a lot. If you're in the mood to just see a light-hearted movie about love and puppies, then this is the movie for you.

The movie is about a South Florida columnist, played by Owen Wilson, who gets married (to Jennifer Aniston's character), and who gets this labrador puppy, which turns out to be "the worst dog in the world." Lots of mayhem ensues as the dog destroys furniture, eats necklaces, barks like crazy at thunderstorms, and disobeys all commands. However, despite all of the dog's shortcomings, it still loves his owner and his family.

I thought it was just a great movie that really tugged on my heart strings, especially towards the end. I think you can guess what happens at the end of the movie, as it does chronicle the life of the dog... and dogs don't live forever. I had a good cry :)

I HIGHLY recommend this movie. It's funny and heartwarming. I'll probably go see it again, if someone asks me to go. And the dog is so GD cute!!

Friday, December 26, 2008

The Date: Details

I finally have some time to sit down and post about my time with Matty. I have a feeling that this post is going to be a rather long one, since many of you wanted DETAILS about what happened. So I think I'm going to bore you guys with the nitty gritty details that you asked for! So I suggest you go and get yourself a snack to eat and a drink while reading this, because who knows how long it'll take you to finish. :P

So in my post "Tuesday's Plans Expanded" I explained that instead of only coming down for bowling and burgers, Matty would come early in the day to have ramen for lunch, Disneyland during the day, and then bowling and burgers. That post was me freaking out about finding things to talk about with our extended date. Well, if you also read the comments in that post, I actually posted an extra update. Well, to explain, the weather forecast for Tuesday was rain. And in the area that Matty lives in, the high desert, it means that there would be snow. And when there's snow, the roads going out of his town and towards my area would be closed. Basically, neither of us wanted to postpone our date, so I asked if he would like to join my friends and me in a Nintendo Wii party that I was throwing at my place. He would stay over at my place after the party, and then we could go about our date the next day. He agreed that it would be a good idea.

Well, he came to the party on Monday night. He actually got to my apartment early while I was still at work, so he just kept himself company in his car for two hours. I felt so bad to have made him wait like that! When I got home, he was bundled up inside his car and sleeping. I called him to wake him up and he had this cute "just woke up" face. Thankfully, it wasn't an awkward meeting. I offered to help him carry stuff up to the apartment and we talked about his drive down here. Prior to meeting him, we had been texting and he mentioned he hadn't eaten anything, so I offered to make him a grilled cheese sandwich when he got to my place. So once we both got settled in, I made him his sandwich. He seemed to like it, because he asked for a second one. :)

Pretty soon, my friends showed up for the party. One by one, they came in, and I introduced them to Matty. My friends weren't nosy about how I knew him and who exactly he was until later in the night... I'm glad my friends aren't nosy like that, or else it would've been awkward for me. But Matty got along great with them. He joined in on some of the games, but didn't hog the time. I spent my night close to him, making sure he wasn't feeling left out or anything, while still being a good host to my other friends. Towards the end of the party, some of them DID ask who exactly Matty was, to which I just answered that he was a friend of a friend. They didn't pry. Some of them actually don't know that I'm gay... or at least, I haven't explicitly told them that I'm gay, but I think they all assume that I am. (At Disney, the assumption is that you're gay unless proven straight. lol)

By 2am, only about 7 people remained at the party, and we were all tired. So they all left and Matty and I were left alone in the apartment. I sat next to him on the couch for a bit asking how he was and if he had fun. We just had a bit of small talk.. don't remembe exactly what we talked about but conversation did seem to flow easily. After a bit, I told him that I wanted to shower before I went to bed since I had a long day of work before. So I got up to get my stuff ready for a shower. He stood up as well and proceeded to the "bedroom." (I live in a studio apartment, so the living room and the bedroom is pretty much the same room, but I placed my entertainment center in the middle of it to section off the two "rooms")

He sat on my bed and kinda made fun of how small it was. I only have a twin bed because I kept my bed from my college years, where space was limited and we didn't have room for bigger beds. I told him that I spent a lot of money on the bed and that I liked how comfortable it is, so I never traded it for a bigger bed. He then wanted to test how comfortable it was for himself, so he laid down on it. I kinda took that hint and went over and sat on the edge of the bed to talk to him. I then propped myself up at the head of the bed and had my legs up on the bed, while Matty was lying face down on the bed next to me. We stopped talking for a bit, both of us were tired, and so I ran my fingers through his soft hair. He seemed to like it because he didn't move. Then he picked up his arm and wrapped it around my legs. We stayed that way for a while as we both dozed off a bit. I then moved my arm to make myself a little more comfortable, at which point he looked up, and grabbed me and pulled me down so that I would join him laying down. We were face to face when he told me that I was cute. :) And then he moved in for the kiss.

We kissed for a good few minutes. We explored each other's bodies as we made out. He would slide his hand beneath my shirt and feel my chest and I would reach under his shirt and run my fingers up and down his back. All the while, I was developing a boner and it was pushing up against my jeans. As I explored his body, I let arm brush up against his crotch area a few times and I could tell that he was getting hard as well. After a few more minutes, he looks at me and tells me that he's ready to take a shower and that he didn't want to take it alone. So I said, "OK!"

We go to the shower and we strip. He was definitely already hard. He has a nice cut, 7.5-ish dick. I didn't measure and I didn't ask, so it's just a rough estimate. We jump into the shower and I immediately have a good time. I don't know if I've ever said anything about this, but fooling around in the shower is one of my recurring fantasies. So having the shower be our first sexual activity together was definitely a major turn on.

So a little description of Matty: He's 19 years old and around 5'11". He's a skinnier boy, but he definitely has a small tummy... it's kinda cute ;) but I do usually find guys with a more toned and muscular body to be hotter. He's sort of an emo kid, longer hair that goes over his eyes (after he straightens it, because he has naturally curly/wavy hair) and again, I don't usually go for the emo guys... but I'm sure Mirrorboy would LOVE Matty. ;)

In the shower, we continue to make out and jerk each other off. He then takes charge a little and kinda spreads my legs with his legs as we're kissing, and I took the hint that he wanted me to go down on him. Have I told you guys that I've only blown one other guy before? This was only going to be my second time giving a BJ. I was a little nervous, but I just went for it. He seemed to like it. After a while, he motioned for me to get back up. And then he got down and sucked me off for a bit. It felt great to be under the running water and getting a BJ. HOT!! When he got back up, he continued to take charge. He turned me around and pushed me up against the shower wall. He grabbed both my hands and placed them on the wall as he grinded his dick against my ass. Omg, that was seriously hot. I'm getting hard right now just thinking about it. He pushed his body up against mine and let his cock just slide between my ass cheeks and continued pumping himself like that. He then reached around and started jerking me off hard and fast while he grinded against me. We both came pretty much at the same time. Damn, it was so fun!! I love shower fun!! ;)

We cleaned up and got out of the shower. We then got ready for bed and he told me that he was going to have to share my tiny bed with him now. ;) I didn't object. We cuddled in bed, him holding me, as we both fell asleep. In the middle of the night, we kinda shifted positions, and it wasn't the best night's sleep because my bed is so damn small, but it was still comfy to know that he was next to me.

The next morning, we woke up at around 9:30am and got ready to go have ramen at this restaurant that my friends and I go to all the time. We arrived and saw that they didn't open for another 45 minutes.. so I decided that we should go to the nearest shopping center (South Coast Plaza) to walk around a bit and do some window shopping. During this time, we had some conversations about TV shows, most prominently Heroes. We're both Heroes fans and we got into some discussions about the plot of the series and our favorite super hero powers. :) I was glad that I could be geeky with him. We continued the conversations when we sat down for food. Again, not much awkward silences or anything. I think it was a good balance of me asking questions and him asking questions too. :) I was happy that it was going smoothly.

Since we got to ramen early, we also ended lunch early, so we drove back to my apartment to unwind a bit before I had to go to work. And when I say unwind, I mean we got to laying on the bed again. And when in bed, we both got horny. ;) Pretty soon, we were both naked and grinding up against each other. After a bit of that, I couldn't wait any longer and I went to grab a condom and lube. He quickly put the condom and lube on. I laid on my back and he threw my legs up in the air. Ok, so reminder that I hadn't had sex since Jamie in September... so I was a bit nervous about how much it would hurt. Well, thank goodness he used a good amount of lube. He slid inside me without too much trouble and he went slowly at first (thank goodness). There was some pain at first, but it soon subsided a bit. But I guess he was a little bigger than I thought because everytime he thrust deep inside me, I felt pressure inside. It was a little bit of pain... discomfort, I guess. But depending on the position of my legs in the air, it felt better. I don't know, is that normal? Should I be feeling that pressure/discomfort? hopefully some of you can help answer that for me?

Anyway, there was more pleasure than there was pain. And I enjoyed him fucking me deep and hard. I'm pretty sure I was pretty vocal during sex. Lots of moaning to be heard by my neighbors. LOL. It really felt good. I told him to go faster, and he did, and pretty soon we both came one right after the other. Oh it was great! Too bad it didn't last longer because I had to get to work!

I then dropped him off at Disneyland while I went to work. He watched me perform in all my parades. But he was alone the whole time, just exploring the park by himself. I did have 1.5 hours where I accompanied him in the park (during my lunch break). We went shopping for some Christmas gifts for his cousin (since I get a good discount). While shopping, there was this really cute Tigger and Eeyore doll that doubles as a pillow. We both it was so cute.. especially the Eeyore. He's one of my favorite characters. ;) He asked my opinion of whether he should get Tigger or Eeyore, so of course I tell him Eeyore. Such a soft pillow Eeyore makes!

After 8 hours in the park, I finally pick him up and we go off to the bowling alley. We get inside and get our rental shoes and our lane. So the first game, Matty did well. He started off strong, with some spares and strikes. I on the other hand was sucking real bad and guttered my first two frames. I got a few pins towards the end. First game results: Matty-111, Doug-68. I was hating life, but I was still having fun. I was more embarrassed than anything, cuz I totally wanted to be good at it! Well, second game came along, Matty didn't start off very good. I think he got only one or two pins the first two frames. I, on the other hand, started to get the hang of it and was doing better. I picked up a few spares and even some strikes. Matty continued to do poorly and kept guttering. Each time he guttered, he got real frustrated. He would walk back after a gutter and I would try to cheer him up. But he seemed really pissed off. After his turns, he would stand in the back, with his arms folded. I asked if he was ok, and he would only give one word answers. It was obvious that we weren't going to play another game. Not with this attitude.

Let me just say that at this point, I was REALLY turned off by his attitude. I understand being frustrated about not doing well in the game. I mean, I wasn't doing all that well in the first game either! But I played it off and just kinda laughed at how horrible I was. But he couldn't do that. And it just shows that he's a bit young and immature for me. I just couldn't get over the fact that he was pouting and not talking to me. I mean, he's on a date. No matter how pissed off he really is, wouldn't you think he'd at least fake it and cheer up a little?... sigh...

We paid for the games and walked back to the car. Virtually silent the whole time. We agreed to still go grab burgers (In-N-Out) since we had talked about it and made plans for that beforehand. The whole car ride to the restaurant was silent. I couldn't get him to talk. We ordered and drove it back to my apartment. STILL quiet. Got back to the apartment, decided to put in the musical episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer (since we had talked about it in our earlier chats). FINALLY, when the episode started, did he start to open up again. As we ate, he finally loosened up. And pretty soon, we were singing along to the songs and sharing our favorite moments in the episode.

It was just unfortunate that I had to see that side of him. But I guess it's a good thing that I got to see it sooner rather than later. It gives me a better judgement of who he really is. Well, as the episode went on, we finished our food (YUMMY) and I went to get ready for bed, since it's been a long day for the two of us. When I got out of the bathroom, Matty had turned off all the lights and was lying on the couch watching the rest of the episode. I went over and joined him, lying on top of him. We stayed in that position and made out for a bit.

Then he got up and led me over to the bed where we continued to make out. Again, our clothes came off soon after that. Next thing I know, I was on top and straddling him. I grinded my ass against his cock a bit, and finally decided to go and grab those condoms and lube again. I put the condom on him and lubed him and me up good. I then slowly sat on his dick, letting it go all the way in. Again, I felt that pressure towards the end, but when I would lean forward or back a certain way, the discomfort was gone. So I tried to stay in the more pleasureable positions. After a bit of riding him, I told him that I wanted him to fuck me from behind. I had never had that before so I definitely wanted to try it. And OMG, did it feel good. He got behind me and pounded me GOOD. I, again, was pretty loud. Neighbors probably weren't happy. ;) My head was knocking up against the wall too. HAHA. He came inside me (in his condom, of course), but I didn't cum. I wanted to get in the shower and finish there.

So we both jumped in the shower and I had him give my dick some attention in there. I had him jerk me off and suck me. Then I had him sit down in the tub as I stood over him. I thrust my dick in his mouth for a bit, then I pulled out and started to jerk myself off. He was also hard again and ready to come again (ah... to be 19 again....). We basically came together again. Another amazing shower ;)

We went to bed in each other's arms again. Felt nice to be hld while falling asleep. Definitely something that I missed. The next morning, we decided on Dennys for lunch before he had to pack up and get back home. However, conversation at Dennys was a bit harder. I don't know what it was. Perhaps what happened the night before at the bowling alley was affecting how I perceived him. But I definitely felt that there was less in common between us. Again, I think the incident at the bowling alley just made me realize that I needed someone more mature. However, we still had a nice meal together and went got back to the apartment with a bit of time to spare before I had to get to work.

Being the hornball that I am though, I started to mess around again, and got the two of us hard and horny. I told him that I wanted a quickie before I had to go to work. (I'm such a slut, aren't I??) Well, I wanted him to fuck me from behind again. This time felt even better than last time. Again, a little discomfort, but I found a position where it felt good. Again, hard right now just thinking about it! We finished together and got cleaned up.

We quickly packed everything up. And as we were about to leave, he picked up the Eeyore that he had bought and had been sleeping with and handed it to me and said, "Merry Christmas." I was surprised by that. I told him that he really should...that he should keep it for himself. Well, he insisted I take it since I looked like I really wanted it when he bought it. So I accepted it and thanked him for being such a sweetheart. It was actually the only real Christmas present that I got this year. So it kinda means a lot.

We said our goodbyes. It was a bit rushed because I really had to get to work. But we told each other that we would keep texting the rest of the day. And that we did. And are still doing. This morning, he actually told me that he thinks that we should date. I was a little put off and worried about the implications of that text. So I straight up replied and told him that I didn't want anything to serious right now and that I just wanted to see where things go between the two of us. Well, that was what he meant by "dating" .. nothing official or anything. Just hanging out with each other and stuff. So I told him I was happy we are both on the same page and that I would love to see him again some time.

Yes, Matty is a bit young and immature at times, he's still a sweetheart and a cute kid. I just don't want that one incident at the bowling alley to be the deciding factor... so I'm going to see him again and see how it goes. We are planning to see each other around New Years. He's coming down to the area with a friend and I think he'll stop by for the night again or something. We've also been texting each other back and forth. I can tell that he's interested in me ;) Tonight, he wanted to make sure that I was home from work and comfy before we went to bed. I thought that was really cute and sweet of him. :) I asked why he was being so damn cute, and he tells me it's because he's trying to woo me. HAHA. I told him that it might be working a little :P

Wow, is anyone still reading this? And did you really read all of it? Cuz this was like an essay. I'm sure it's like 5 pages of writing in a word processor. LOL. I just wanted to make sure I wrote out everything, since you guys asked for it. And plus, it's my way to keep a log of what happened in my life. I mean, I did start this blog as a sort of online journal for myself. So I guess the more detailed the better, for my own purposes. And if that satisfies you guys, then all the better ;)

But do any of you have any advice? Comments? I would love to hear what you guys think of Matty from what I've written here. And I would love to get your opinions on how I should proceed with him. My big thing right now is our age difference and his maturity level. Is that a big deal for you guys?

Well, hope everyone had a great Christmas... now looking forward to what the new year brings us all.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy Holidays!!!!

Happy Holidays to everyone!! I'm just about starting my day right now. I woke up to make my famous fried rice for a potluck we're having at work and now I'm just packing it up and getting ready for work.

I know I'm overdue for an update on how it all went with Matty. It was a mixed bag.. and I'll go into detail about all of that. He's a cute kid and I like him... but the problem is that he's just too young for me, I think. Age difference shouldn't matter, and it doesn't, but in this case, he really is a little immature for me. Again, I'll be more detailed about it in my next post, which probably won't happen until later night tonight. I have a long day of work today. But hopefully you all can wait just a bit longer for the nitty gritty. ;)

Thanks everyone for the comments!! I really love it when you guys give me advice and feedback. So keep it coming!

And last but not least, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays! I love you all!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

It's Going Well

Just wanted to post an update on my iPhone. Haven't had time to get on
the computer. Let's just say I've had other things keeping me busy.
Hehe.

So I'm having a good time with Matty. We still have bowling and
burgers tonight. Just getting to know him and seeing how compatible we
are. But the awkwardness has subsided for the most part ... Ok pretty
much GONE after we took a shower together ;) Yea, I'm a slut.... LOL.
But yea we're having a good time together and looking forward to the
rest of the night together.

Will update with more detail when I have more time :)

Happy Holidays everyone!!

Monday, December 22, 2008

Tuesday's Plans Expanded

So after I posted my last entry, the boy I'm seeing on Tuesday (Matty) and I chatted even more. Our conversation got into food and I told him that I LOVE Japanese food. He tells me that he also loves Japanese food and Asian cuisine in general. MAJOR points right there ;) So I ask him about Ramen. No, not Top Ramen or the kind of the ramen you make yourself at home from a tiny orange package. Ramen, as in the real kind where they make it for you in a restaurant and have amazing soup bases. He tells me that he's had Ramen before and that he LOVES it. Well, it seriously is one of my favorite foods, and my friends and I go all time. So I tell him that we should definitely go have Ramen together some time. He agrees.

And then he gets a bright idea about Tuesday. He wanted to know if I would want to get Ramen early in the day for lunch before I went to work. And then I can let him into Disneyland and then leave for bowling together after my work. He lives pretty far, so driving down just to go bowling from 10:30pm on wasn't ideal. So he wanted to make a full day out of it. Well, of course I agreed because Ramen is amazing and it would be fun to spend more time with him. :)

Well, this morning came, and the reality of that sort of sunk in. Him coming earlier in the day means more time that I would have to spend trying to start conversation. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but I am not a conversation starter. In fact, I don't really like to talk too much. I'm a very quiet, reserved person. If I'm asked to speak or asked to explain something, I'll do it, but mostly in the least amount of words possible. So, thinking about spending more time with him is sort of freaking me out.

To make matters a little worse, I spent over an hour on the phone with him tonight. Well, normally, talking on the phone is not a bad thing. In fact, it should be a GREAT thing because we've more on from texting to actual conversation on the phone. BUT, the bad thing was there definitely was a lot of awkward silences. See... a lot of that was due to us both being tired. We had first gotten on the phone because he was driving home after dropping his friends off at their houses. He told me he was real tired, so I told him that he could call me to keep him awake while driving. So he did, and I got him talking in the beginning. But after a while, conversation started to whither away... and those awkward silences crept in. I tried so hard to start conversations... just about ANYTHING.. I just said what came to my head. But both us would start the conversation but then end it abruptly and then silence came again.. Like I said, I really don't know if it was because we're both tired or just because I suck at keeping conversations.

I just REALLY REALLY hope that this doesn't happen when we see each other face to face. When he gets here, the drive to Ramen is a good 30 minutes. How awkward would it be if the car ride was just silent? :( And then eating at the restaurant. Will I be able to come up with topics to discuss and things to say there? And then there's the ride back too!... I think this early addition to the "date" is really screwing with me. Because at bowling, we're engaged in an activity so it'll be easy to keep things going. But in a car and at a meal, that's where it gets tough for me!!

I don't want to make a bad impression.... I need some pointers.. advice.. HELP!