The Talk...

Well, I had the talk with Jason. I intended on doing it in person, but we were talking online and the topic came up and I just needed to address it. I think I will just copy and paste our conversation (not in its entirety but enough for you all to get the gist of it):

Doug: hmmm... since you're bringing it up... I just have to ask... where are we at right now? I like you, and I just want to know if we're just pretty much going to be friends and that's it, or if there's potential for more? I'm not trying to put any pressure on you

Jason: sorry Doug we have talked about this before. but I am just not up for dating.

D: Just not up for dating? Or just not up for dating me?

J: Just not up for dating. but that doesn't mean it won't change. It might, it might not. But dating is not on my list. I knew us having sex was leading you on. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that.

D: No, that's not it. It's actually not the sex that's leading me on. I guess I just feel like everything that we do outside of the bedroom feels like casual dating to me. I mean, I don't want the pressures of commitment right now either. I guess we just have different ideas of dating. I think my only thing is that I feel like we're more than just "friends." But we're definitely not boyfriends either, which is fine by me.

J: Ok, I know we are definitely more affectionate than friends, that is true. Well then I guess casual dating is fine. I just don't want to hurt you if I, and I'm not saying that I will, do find someone that completely changes things. And I want you to be able to tell me if you've met someone else as well. And just say that you want to be with him.

D: Well, I can do that. But only if you promise me that you'll let me know when you're ready for more then. But no pressure from me, cuz I like where we're at right now.

Well, I got my answers. And they're not all the answers that I hoped for. I think we both did a little compromising. I just want to tell you all that I really AM fine with where we're at right now. Like I've described to you, I feel like everything that we've done together is considered dating. Like he said, we're definitely more affectionate than just friends. Which is why I really just didn't like that word being used. But hanging out, going to dinners, cuddling, watching TV together, kissing, having sex -- I'm all for it right now. And do I need the pressures of being boyfriends?... perhaps not. I never really said that I wanted to be boyfriends with him. Sure, I do think there's potential for us to be, and if it so happens that we do become boyfriends, I'd like that too. But NOT being boyfriends is not a dealbreaker. I'm really not looking for one right now.

So I guess we're in a good place. I really wanted this to be an in-person talk, but I just needed to know and couldn't wait. I know many of you are just going to tell me that he's no good for me and that I should find someone else. Well, you're probably right. But I'm not going to be actively searching for someone else either. I'll go on the online dating hookup site and check things out. I actually started chatting with a really cute boy last night. And there's also the cute boy at work that I've started chatting with online and through texting too. So I'm keeping my options open.

But for now, Jason and I are casually dating each other. Maybe now he'll stop using the word "friend" every chance he gets.

Friends With Benefits... So Far So Good

So it's been a week since we've decided to be friends with benefits, and I think it's working out just nicely. In addition to the awesome dinner and a movie we had last week, we've also been to the gym together. That was fun because he showed me how to use a lot of the equipment at the gym. I never use the machines because I feel like an idiot having to walk up to the machines and read the instructions... so it was nice to have someone just show me how to do it.

And then yesterday was his birthday. We started his birthday celebration with a midnight showing of Harry Potter. The movie was long, but it was nice to hang out with him. I really would even call it a date. We sat together, and were pretty close the whole time. He was very touchy with me. After the movie he came back to my place and I gave him his present. I decided NOT to do the ice cream thing... I figured the movie tickets were good. And then I gave him the Aussiebums. He seemed to like it. I showed him that I had matching ones, which I was already wearing. hehe.

I had also invited him to go to the House of Blues, but his friends ended up taking him out to the bars to celebrate, so he called me and thanked me for the invite but had to decline. (I was fine with it cuz I was actually really tired and just needed to relax at home, which is what I'm doing now) Then he also told me that he was wearing the underwear I got him and that they're really comfy. He also said that his friends thought they were sexy and he bragged to them that I got them for him. :) That made me feel pretty good -- I picked a good present. hehe.

So, I don't know what you guys are thinking, but I'm thinking what we have going on is pretty good right now. So what if we're not officially dating? I feel like we're doing some pretty date-y stuff. We still have plans to have an at-home movie night to watch "He's Just Not That Into You" and several epsiodes of "Doctor Who" and "Buffy." I'd probably call that a "date" in any other circumstance. But yeah, I just think that maybe he likes that we don't have the pressures of officially dating, and frankly I think I like that too.

But with there being no real commitment, I just have to remind myself not to get too emotionally attached to him because things can end at any moment. I don't see that happening soon because it really seems like we're enjoying each other's company a lot, but I just can't get my hopes up about him, I guess.

Well what are your opinions on the matter?

Well That Answers That...

Not very good news tonight. Got home at around 11:30pm and started chatting with Jason on AIM. We were talking about dinner and a movie when this conversation happened...

Jason: So I have to ask. You sure you are ok with us being just friends? I know we are closer than we should be for being friends... the sex and all.

Me: Well are you not looking for anything more than just friends at all?

Jason: I am just not into dating right now. I understand if you are not ok with that.

Me: You had told me that from the beginning so I understand.

Jason: I just had my heart broken and I want to make sure to not do that to you.

Me: Thanks. To be totally honest, I think I really like you. But I'm glad you're telling me this now. Well, tell me this... do you see ANY potential of us dating in the future?

Jason: I don't know. Not right now at least.

So there we go... at least now I know. I'm not going to lie... I really started to like him but I guess I was being overly optimistic. I DID know that he wasn't looking for a relationship when this all started, so I was just being naive in thinking that spending a few days with me would change that.

I've made the decision to stay friends with him. He continued to tell me that I'm really his only gay friend that he has right now. And I have no reason to not believe him. And the sex is really quite good so I'm ok with us having some benefits too. I know that you'll all have something to say about this, but I'm holding on to some sort of hope that he'll warm up to an idea of dating later on. I truly believe that he's not ready to date because of what happened with his last relationship and not because he doesn't like me. I mean, why else would be insist on us staying friends and ask to hang out still? (we're still going to have a "dinner and a movie" night tomorrow... I can't very well call it a "date" anymore though, I guess)

I know what you're all thinking... If I go down this path, I'm going to end up being hurt. But I really don't want to lose him as a friend. He's about my only friend outside of work, and I really can't afford to lose that. I'm just going to go along with it and hope for the best.

Oh and THANK YOU to all who gave me advice on the birthday gift. I took a lot of your advice into consideration and I had decided on a gift for him (before the "not ready to date" conversation):

• Pack of Blank DVDs (he has a huge collection of burned DVDs that he's quite proud of)
• Pair of "Commando" Aussiebum underwear (with a matching pair for myself)
• A nice birthday card with a nice birthday message

I already bought the Aussiebums online so I'm for sure giving those to him. And you can't give a gift without a birthday card, so I'm doing that as well. So I guess I just have to decide whether or not to get him the blank DVDs. I was going to buy a pack of 50 for $12.99 at Best Buy. Should I just forget it? Or should I just go for it and buy it for him? I know that buying him these gifts won't automatically change his mind about dating... but maybe it'll give me a few points that will count when he does decide he's ready to date again...

"This is going to sound horrible..."

So I had the talk with Matty. To paraphrase, I told him that I'm just not ready to spend so much time together so soon and that we're just moving too fast. I told him it was my fault for not speaking up about it earlier, but I just wasn't ready for a relationship yet. He asked if he should just stop coming around. I told him that I enjoyed our time together and that we should still come over to play video games and hang out from time to time.

After the talk, we were both online but we didn't IM each other for the longest time. And then out of nowhere he IMs me and asks me what I was doing. So I tell him I'm watching TV and Facebook-ing. He tells me he's watching a movie. We have some chit chat for a bit. Then he says, "ok, this is going to sound horrible... but can we still have sex?"

LOL. I really did "LOL" him back on IM. Followed be a "hahahaha." And then a "sure." :P

HAHA, so I take it that he took "the talk" real well. ;) And now I guess I have my first friend with benefits! Never had one of those before!