Thursday, January 22, 2009

Dinner Plans

Today, I hung out with a few friends from work. We all got together for the filming of my video. Towards the end of the day, my friend Pip (one of the funniest girls I know) asked if we were all free for dinner tomorrow. She had been planning a big dinner for the longest time (since Christmas) and we just all haven't been together to plan it, since we're all unemployed and all. But when she asked me, I had to decline because Matty is coming down tomorrow night and we're having dinner together and he's staying the night again.

Well, the moment I said I had dinner plans, of course everyone asks, "Is it a date?" I didn't know what to say... Like E over in I Gotta Story To Tell I was blindsided by the question and didn't know how to respond. Only one person there knew that I'm gay. Everyone else were close friends, but I had not come out to them yet. So, I just deny that it's a date, but that just made it even more obvious that it really is a date. They kept asking me who I was going on a date with. Interestingly, noone asked, "who is she?" They kept it gender neutral....

They all seemed genuinely excited for me to know that I was going on a date, but I just could not bring myself to tell them it's with a boy. I guess I just didn't feel like it was the right situation in which to come out to them. I'd rather it be a bit more of an intimate moment...

We were all heading out to our cars during all this. So during our walk to the cars, they all pretty much dropped it, because it was obvious to them that they weren't going to get anything out of me. We all said our goodbyes, but I got in the car with Pip because she was taking me to my car (I parked elsewhere). As we buckled our seat belts, she asked me again who my date is. This was the kind of "more intimate moment" that I was talking about. But yet again, I could not bring myself to tell her. I don't know what was holding me back. She gave me several chances to do it. But I did not do it.

I thought I was pass this. I thought I had been ready to tell my friends. I had told myself before that if they ask, I would tell them. And that I wasn't going to lie to them anymore. Well... technically, I didn't lie, because I just refused to tell them who it was with. But still, I just don't know why I didn't tell her.

I'm kind of disappointed in myself...

10 comments:

Razz said...

i'm sure you will get a lot of comments about coming out only when you're comfortable, blah, blah. but i argue that it's never a comfortable time to come out. it's always done with a little bit of risk, hence the feeling of apprehension. (i qualify this by saying that this only applies to people you trust.)

"mencer"

Wet Kyle said...

You did good. Keep those cards close to your chest.
k

Mr. HCI said...

Razz is correct that there's almost never a "comfortable time to come out." It only becomes comfortable and easy once you're completely out and you meet new people.

Having said that, though, only you can guage whether you're ready to tell a particular person. Each time is going to be a bit different and it'll get easier as it goes along. There's always the risk of losing a friend but, if you do, just think about how much of a friend that person really was, if (s)he rejects you.

jay.osa said...

when you are ready you will tell people. it is never easy.

James said...

In your time, that's all. No one should force it out of you and you shouldn't feel obliged to tell someone until you're ready.

The thing I'm more concerned about is why you're canceling such a big dinner to be with your...fuckbuddy? I mean, your friends were their first, Doug, give them some consideration. I'm sure Matty can visit another night, or wait at your apartment while you have dinner, or come with you the dinner, w/e. You owe your friend(s) better than how you're treating them.

letopho said...

I ask you so much because they know you want to tell them...

friends always know.

naturgesetz said...

You were right to refuse the dinner because you had a previous commitment. There are exceptions, such as getting an invitation from the President of the United States, but in general to tell someone, in effect, "I got a better offer so I'm cancelling on you," is highly disrespectful. The rule is, we keep our commitments.

It's a big deal to come out of the closet, and friends don't have a right to know. Even if they want to be supportive. You have to decide when you want to tell anyone.

That said, if you really wish you had told them, maybe sometime soon you can say to them, "You remember when I said I had a dinner engagement? It actually was a date, with a guy. You may have suspected, but I just wasn't prepared to tell you at that moment." If you want to.

Diary of a Mad Latino Man said...

Remember, it is nobody's business about who you are going in a date with. You have a right to keep that shit to yourself. When you are ready to tell these people then you will tel them.

Love,
Peyton

call.the.shots said...

hey. random i know. but i finally read a comment u posted on my blogger a month or so ago. anyways, it's nice to know there's other oc bloggers out there. = )

E said...

It is difficult in the moment, irrespective if they seem to know or not. Everytime I see my bestfriend I want to tell her, but I can't seem to get the words out. I just go into a rant in Spanish. She can't understand, so she just ignores it.

This guy a my job named Jake is essentially a complete stranger and I told him, with relative ease. I've known Tiffany for 4 years and I still can't tell her.

"dinglas