Monday, January 26, 2009

Audition and Dealbreaker

I'm actually pretty tired right now again, but I want to write about what happened the past two days before I forget too much. Well, on Friday night, Matty came over for dinner. We went to the store to buy some last minute ingredients. Matty made veggie potstickers from scratch and I made my famous fried rice (sans meat) and a banana-chocolate bread. I must say that our dinner was a great success. Everything tasted amazing. I LOVED my fried rice. hehe. Even though it didn't have any meat in it, it still tasted like good fried rice. That is until Matty tampered with it. He said it needed more pepper. And I agreed with him, so I asked him to just sprinkle pepper into the wok. I was doing something else while he was doing that, but then I realized after about 15-20 seconds, he was STILL sprinkling pepper into it... and of course, when I got my plate of fried rice, it was WAY too pepper-y. He enjoyed it... but it really took away from the flavor of my fried rice. booo. strike one.

After dinner, we sat on the couch to watch a little bit of TV. We were both on our computers checking our emails and facebooks. Then he started telling me about this new anime cartoon that his friend got him hooked on. I have NO idea what it's about... something about super heroes that like food? I don't know... but he kept going on and on about it. Could he really not tell that I wasn't listening to him anymore? I think he must've talked for a good 10 minutes, explaining the anime in detail... didn't hear a word. Blah Blah Blah. strike two.

Well, not everything was bad though. We did have our sexy time. Got a little hot and heavy on the couch this time. Made out on the couch for a while, then took each others clothes off and made out naked on the couch for a while. Then I gave his dick some attention with my mouth. He seemed to like that. :P And then I climbed on top of him and rode him until I came on his stomach. Man, it felt good. ;) Took a shower together afterwards. He told me I looked good while we were in there. Said he liked my muscles and my abs. Ha. Sure said the right things there. guess I'll rescind strike two.

That night, he slept in my bed. We went to bed at 10:30pm. So early! It was because we were both going to the audition for the new parade at Disneyland. We wanted to get enough rest so that we could look our best for the audition. Well, I guess I'm just not used to sharing my bed.. especially my super dinky twin size bed made for one person. I was tossing and turning all night. I couldn't find a comfortable position. All the while, Matty was sound asleep. Blah... nerves about the audition probably didn't help the sleeping problem.. afterall, my income depended on it. I NEEDED to get this parade. It was real important to me.

So we wake up in the morning. We have some of my banana-chocolate bread for breakfast... YUMMY! And then we grab our stuff and head down to our cars. We had to drive separately because I was going to be leaving the audition to go to my other job, so we couldn't carpool. Well, when he got down to his car, he says to me: "So, my friend Bianca gave me this cigarette. Do you mind if I smoke it?" Err... first of all, I HATE smokers. I can't stand cigarette smoke. I just can't. When I was 10 years old, I was taking a 16 hour flight to Hong Kong. Back then, smoking had not been banned from flight yet. There were still smoking sections on the plane. And of course, our family was stuck in the smoking section. I had to endure 16 hours of secondhand smoke. THAT is why I cannot stand smoking. I told him: "Well, you can do whatever you want (because I'm not about to tell him what he can or can't do), but I just really hate smokers." And then I walked away and went to my car... strike two.

We got to the parking lot at backstage Disney, and we walk down together. I could smell the smoke on him. Just lovely... We get to the "holding area" for the audition, and I see a bunch of my friends standing together and chatting. I decide to stand elsewhere with Matty. I just didn't want to introduce my friends to Matty... that's so bad, isn't it? I just didn't want to deal with having to explain who Matty was. I'm still not out to everyone at work, and the day of the audition was definitely NOT going to be the day that that was going to happen. So I just kinda stayed off to the side with Matty.

We finally get in and we start to learn our first dance. I picked up the dance right away. It was a moderate level dance, but you gotta really be able to move to make it look good. Matty looked like he struggled with it. Despite what he says about having danced before, I could tell that he was not a dancer. I was pretty confident with it and I was getting into my "zone." When I'm at auditions, I just have this way of getting focused and doing what I need to do to learn it and retain the choreography. And that includes NOT over practicing it because it'll just screw me up later. So when they gave us time to practice it on our own, I sat down and just concentrated and visualized the dance in my head. Matty, however, was frantically going over the steps. He kept asking me questions about the choreography. And I would help him. I'd remind him the order of the routine and gave him some pointers on how to make it look better. I occasionally stood up and went through the routine with him, but again, this was already going out of my "zone." And because I didn't want to over practice, I didn't do the choreography full out with him, and he got mad at me! He was frustrated with how slowly he was getting the routine and then he was taking it out on me!! I thought to myself, "HOLD ON HERE. I'm trying to help you right now, but instead you're mad at ME for not doing it full out! I'm SORRY that I'm trying to concentrate on the routine in my own way. I have much more at stake than you do! I NEED this job. You're doing this for fun. ARGH." An overwhelming strike three!

Needless to say, Matty didn't make it pass the first cut. He was called into another room with about 100 other boys. They were told to either go home or come back on Monday for a stilt audition. Matty was asked to come back for the stilts. Apparently, he's going, even though his facebook status says that he feels he has no chance. Whatever. After his attitude at the audition, I was completely over him.

Strike 1 and 2A weren't that bad. But strike 2B and 3 were definite dealbreakers, in my book. When we first met, I told him that I didn't like smokers. I had clearly asked if he smoked. And I told him my story about the plane. And he told me that he had just recently quit, and I had told him that I was proud of him for doing that. Guess that didn't last very long. I just CANNOT date a smoker.. it's seriously one thing I REFUSE to do. And as for his attitude at the audition, I just think it was selfish of him to not recognize the importance of the audition to me and how I needed to concentrate on the audition in my own way. I had expressed to him a few times during the audition about how I go about concentrating and focusing. But I guess he just didn't listen and was just worried about himself. Like I said, I tried to help, but really, there wasn't much I could do for him.

I think I'm going to be seeing him again tomorrow, since he'll be at the stilt audition. I'm just going to tell him that it's not working out with the two of us. We just don't have that much in common and I'm going to tell him that smoking is pretty much a dealbreaker for me. Just gotta end this.

God, I must sound like a bitch... tell me what you guys think... am I being ridiculous? Or do you agree with me?

P.S. After my audition, I still had to go to my second job. So when I came home at night, I was exhausted and wanted to just rest on my bed. But when I got in my bed, all I could smell was cigarette smoke that had gotten into my blanket and my sheets. Matty had smelled like cigarette smoke when he spent the night... I had just assumed that he was around friends that smoked... so I didn't question him about it. But now knowing that he had started smoking again, I just couldn't help but blame HIM for making my bed all smelly. Just when I thought I could take a much needed nap on my bed, I had to instead take off my blanket and my sheets and wash them. THAT is why I had to wash my sheets... sorry it wasn't anything naughty. LOL.


Mr. HCI said...

I've never smoked in my life and can't stand the smell. My Phil, on the other hand, smokes and we've been together for 15+ years, so it can work out. He never smokes in the house or in my car so most of the time I don't even think about it. Sure, sometimes he'll come inside after a cig and I can taste it on him and it's yucky but it doesn't last very long.

Bottom line: don't let that be a deal-breaker by itself.

It does seem like you and Matty are a less-than-ideal match for anything other than sex. Best to end it sooner than later.

Seth said...

I wouldn't count the pepper incident as a strike LOL. Although its funny the way you describe it. Perhaps just a friendly reminder that you don't like things that are too peppery/spicy. Or spank him on the wrist.

The smoking thing, well I agree with you on that one. Yucky smelly sheets.

The dance thing, although you could chalk it up to nerves / excitement on his part, he should have been respectful of your need to concentrate also.

But, sounds like you've already made up your mind, especially with the smoking issue. So I suppose I would say, don't dwell on it, and don't "try and make it work" because that will just waste time.

Anonymous said...

Well since you specifically asked our opinion, here's my 2c:

The pepper bit shouldn't be a strike. It just means he likes food differently than you and you ASKED him to add pepper. So he did. One shouldn't expect one's bf to like food the exact same way you do.

The bit about him telling you about the anime cartoon that you didn't listen to is actually a strike against YOU. You weren't being a good listener. You selfishly didn't care to share in something that he obviously enjoyed.

The bit about him smoking is definitely a strike in my book. My bf used to smoke when we first dated, and I made it clear that that was fine as long as he didn't expect a kiss from me. He changed. Good thing.

And the bit about him bothering you in the audition might be a strike. If you really tried to make your needs clear, and he just wouldn't listen, then that's a strike. But somehow your narrative sounded a bit like you might have been nervously overreacting. But I wasn't there, so I don't know. You'd have to evaluate it carefully.

Doug said...

Reading over my own post, I have to agree that "strikes 1 and 2A" was overreaction, and in the case of 2A, actually a strike against myself.

However, maybe perhaps labeling them as "strikes" was my problem. These were just things that were bothering me about him... whether it was me being selfish or not, I wanted to write about the things that have caused me to come to decision that Matty is not the right person for me.

But yeah.. I WAS being a dick about the whole anime thing. But I assure you that I PRETENDED to look interested. LOL. Is that a little better? HAHA...

letopho said...

Not to condemn smokers...

But it's important in a relationship.

It's like an environmentalist dating someone who doesn't recycle.

The difference in lifestyle is going to be difficult to overcome.

I feel you on this.

Anonymous said...

Well he seems like a good Fuck Buddy, but you don't seem like that's for you. But if it is, well... be safe!

Anonymous said...

Even as a smoker (ex?) I support your decision. It's not even the smoking that bothers me so much, it's that he lied to you about it. Even just friends tell each other the truth. So, I think it's a bad sign. What if he gets an STD from someone, is he going to lie about that, too? I mean, how far would he take it?

Ugh, I totally agree with you about sleeping with someone else. I find it almost impossible. I've had to drug myself the last couple times. I'm just so unused to it. :-/

Shane said...

I agree with you 100% on the whole dating:smoking issue.

Anonymous said...

heh heh. As far as me and smokers..its one and done.

I'm not hip to excessive tats or nose and lip piercings either.

Its strange that you dismissed the smoke smell in bed Friday night but couldn't tolerate it the following night. Perhaps you didn't mention Friday night liquid libations that might have dulled your senses?

As far as no introducing him to your friends at the audition: if it was the Friday dinner crowd, they could have figured the score. And being your planning to end it, they would have figured right...and wrong. But it would have compromised status quo.
I probably would have done the same.

Congrats again on sticking the audition!!

E said...

It is not unreasonable to have issues from which you are unmovable. They are the things that you like/don't like in a partner. If it's smoking then don't feel bad for standing by that.

Yeah, the first two strikes could be overlooked. But bothering you at the audition was not so great a move. I don't fault you for not intro-ing him. Booty calls don't need to know your friends. They come over after 8pm and leave before 8am.

Guardactor said...

Smokers are gross I definitely agree to drop him. Who knows maybe that will give him a motive to quit again.

Aek said...

I wish I had muscles and abs. o.O

In all seriousness, strikes 1 and 2A are quite minor things that can be worked out. Strikes 2B and 3, however, are far more troublesome. I don't think I could ever date a smoker, or at least one who's unwilling to quit for me.

I think it's okay to have "deal-breakers" as long as they're within reason. I think you're pretty reasonable. You may have come across as a bitch in this post, but you had valid reasons. So it's forgivable. XD

Moral of the post: you and Matty aren't that compatible (except for sex, I suppose).