My Friends Piss Me Off

Let me preface: Miles was Pip's "Secret Santa" this past Christmas. His gift to her was a big dinner with a big group of friends and he would pay for her. Since then, we've been trying to get together for a dinner. Every single week, someone had SOMETHING to do... we would set a date and then someone would bail last minute. Set another date, and then have to reschedule again because someone forgot they had something to do that night. It is now February 19th!! Almost 2 months after Christmas!! We were supposed to have this dinner tonight! But just now, about 10 minutes ago, Davie decided that he had plans instead and couldn't go anymore! ARGH! I do NOT want to go to a big dinner and spend money without everyone there. So guess what... we're rescheduling again! AGAIN!!

And why am I so freakin' mad about this?! Because I met a boy online tonight and he's FUCKING HOT and interested in ME! And I told him I couldn't meet up with him tonight because I HAD A DINNER WITH MY FRIENDS!! Now he's gone and made plans of his own and we can't meet up. And we can't meet tomorrow cuz both of us have plans with friends. I can't this weekend because I'm snowboarding. And next Mon-Thurs, I'll be in rehearsal for my new show until 10:30pm.... so you see why I'm so frustrated?!?! ARGH!!!

--------------

Other News Update: Davie definitely knows that it's me on that hookup site. And knows my "secret" online screen name. Now I'm worried about him finding me on xTube! EEEK! THAT would be REALLY embarrassing!

Dinner Plans

Today, I hung out with a few friends from work. We all got together for the filming of my video. Towards the end of the day, my friend Pip (one of the funniest girls I know) asked if we were all free for dinner tomorrow. She had been planning a big dinner for the longest time (since Christmas) and we just all haven't been together to plan it, since we're all unemployed and all. But when she asked me, I had to decline because Matty is coming down tomorrow night and we're having dinner together and he's staying the night again.

Well, the moment I said I had dinner plans, of course everyone asks, "Is it a date?" I didn't know what to say... Like E over in I Gotta Story To Tell I was blindsided by the question and didn't know how to respond. Only one person there knew that I'm gay. Everyone else were close friends, but I had not come out to them yet. So, I just deny that it's a date, but that just made it even more obvious that it really is a date. They kept asking me who I was going on a date with. Interestingly, noone asked, "who is she?" They kept it gender neutral....

They all seemed genuinely excited for me to know that I was going on a date, but I just could not bring myself to tell them it's with a boy. I guess I just didn't feel like it was the right situation in which to come out to them. I'd rather it be a bit more of an intimate moment...

We were all heading out to our cars during all this. So during our walk to the cars, they all pretty much dropped it, because it was obvious to them that they weren't going to get anything out of me. We all said our goodbyes, but I got in the car with Pip because she was taking me to my car (I parked elsewhere). As we buckled our seat belts, she asked me again who my date is. This was the kind of "more intimate moment" that I was talking about. But yet again, I could not bring myself to tell her. I don't know what was holding me back. She gave me several chances to do it. But I did not do it.

I thought I was pass this. I thought I had been ready to tell my friends. I had told myself before that if they ask, I would tell them. And that I wasn't going to lie to them anymore. Well... technically, I didn't lie, because I just refused to tell them who it was with. But still, I just don't know why I didn't tell her.

I'm kind of disappointed in myself...