Tuesday, September 30, 2008

My Day

My alarm on my iPhone rang at 10:43am. I snoozed the alarm about 3 times, and finally, around 11:15am, I decide to turn the alarm completely off. I open the Palringo Instant Messaging application on my iPhone and go through the buddy list. Clark was online, so I decided to get out of bed, and move over to the couch where my laptop was waiting for me. I turn on Yahoo Messenger and I say hey to Clark.

I've been so thankful for finding Clark and for finding Barry as well. I talk to these two guys more than my real life friends. I look forward to seeing them online everyday. I've been able to open up to them a lot more than my friends. Even the ones that I've already come out to. However, JW and Milo are coming over on Thursday for a "Boys Night" so maybe we'll be doing a lot of sharing that night.

At around 1:00pm, Clark signs off and I decide that I should get out of the house and do something. So I take my check that needed to be deposited about 3 weeks ago and go to the bank. This branch happens to be inside a grocery store, so I also do some grocery shopping, which includes a whole bunch of junk snacks and freezer foods. The whole time I was at the store, I was just not feeling well emotionally. My head was held low, I moved pretty slowly down the aisles, and I just wasn't happy. This has been going on for the past few days, but it was especially bad today.

I get home by 2:00pm and eat some lunch while watching Desperate Housewives. (Missed most of last season, but decided to put the season premiere on TiVo anyway) Then I got back online and browsed the internet for a while. Bored completely out of my mind, I decide to just take a nap before I have to head out for work.

I wake up at 5:15pm and drive to work. At work, I'm supposed to bring joy to paying customers, but I found myself having to force the smile of my face. It's usually an easy thing for me, but today, it was extra hard. I finish what I have to do, and I head home, not even a hint of a smile on my face.

I get home and Barry gets online. I had actually started writing him an email telling him my awful day, but I decide to just tell him on Yahoo Messenger. I explain to him it's J that's making me feel this way. Everything I do reminds me of J. No matter what it is, my mind will link it back to J. I tell him I'm sick of it. He tells me that J is not the right guy for me. And that I like the idea, but not actually him. Some part of me believes that. But then I also think about how perfect he was for me. We shared so many of the same interests and had amazing conversations together. And the sex was great. Am I ever going to find someone like that again? He tells me that I will - but I won't find him, and he won't find me, if I'm still hung up on someone else. There's got to be something that can be done to get my mind off of J. Why is it so hard??

The rest of the night, I watched Dancing with the Stars, Chuck, and Heroes. It's 3:00am now, and I'm watching a show on the National Geographic Channel. I should just get to sleep and try and sleep this depression away. I'm showing signs of mild depression but I just hope it doesn't get any worse. I see commercials on TV for the drug Cymbalta, and I just don't want to be like those actors in the commercial who are mopey and tragically unattractive...

1 comment:

heatfrost said...

I love Desperate Housewives! Season Four (the one you missed) was really good, much better than the previous two seasons.

Anyway, I hope today will be better for you. You do seem like a very decent guy, so I'm sure you'll find someone more perfect than J. Meet more people or have wild sex, just don't give up!