Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Meeting

Disclaimer: This is a REALLY long post. Make sure you have a snack or some coffee before reading. haha. (And if you make it through the whole post, your comments are greatly appreciated!! hehe... sorry for being a comment whore.. )

So as you know, I'm in Florida, and its known for random rain storms. Well, around 3:00pm, it started to rain. It only started sprinkling at first, so I didn't think anything of it and get on the monorail to head to a theme park. As I got on the monorail, the rain starts getting heavier. I thought to myself, "Oh crap... I don't have an umbrella." I exit the monorail and as I step out onto the platform, I just hear the pouring rain. Here's what it looked like:

It's not that clear of a picture, but you get the idea. This is at 3:30pm. Only 45 minutes ago, it was super sunny and hot. So I stand in the station for a good 30 minutes, deciding what to do. I finally decide that I need to just run out into the rain and get back to my hotel. So when the rain let up a bit, I made my dash. I step into puddles and puddles of water and get completely drenched, but it was actually kind of fun and kind of an adventure.

I finally get to my bus station for my resort. I lose my camera case (my camera is ok though because I had it out to take video of myself running. lol), but everything else is fine. I take my iPhone out and check to make sure there was no water damage. When turning it on, I see that I have an email in my inbox.

Are you free for dinner?

One guess as to who that email was from! If you said J, then you are correct!! I couldn't contain my joy at that moment. One minute I was running in the rain, the next, I finally get what I've been waiting for! So fast forward to 6:30pm, he is outside my door knocking! I totally freak out for a second but then regain my composure and open the door. We exchange a giant hug and we head out. We drive about 15 minutes or so and takes me to a nice sushi restaurant (we both like sushi)

So we catch up on each other's lives. I of course don't tell him about my complete obsession over him. But he does tell me about his ex, Captain Douchebag, and I felt bad for him. Then he tells me he has a new guy..... It's someone he's known for a long time and always had an attraction to but only recently started seeing him in a new way. SIGH.... You have no idea how disappointed to hear that but I do not let myself show it. I tell him I'm really happy for him and that he deserves it. He tells me that they're not officially anything yet, but I can tell he really likes him.

Afterwards, he drives me to the shopping district and we window shop and walk around for about an hour. We just talk and have fun. We were playful and I really enjoyed our time together. I really couldn't have asked for a better date. He drove me back to my hotel, and on the way back, he asks me "Why are you still single?" I have no idea what to say to that. He continues, "I mean, you're funny, intelligent, and attractive. It just doesn't make sense that you're single." I really did not know how to respond to that. I just told him, "I don't know..." Talk about mixed signals... I really didn't know how to take that. Was he just being nice and trying to give me some confidence about myself? Or was he trying to tell me something? I decide that it's just the first reason and don't think much more of it. We drive up to the hotel and our date is over... I reach over for another giant hug. It was a long embrace.. I didn't want to let go. But I didn't want to be a creeper and just hang on forever so I break the hug and open the door. I tell him, "Make sure to let me know if you're coming out to LA again." And he says of course. I close the door and he drives off.

Should I have asked him if he wanted to come up to the room to hang out? I really wish I did. Because right as I closed the door, I realized I still had to go back to an empty room. I walked in my room and just felt completely lonely again. I really do regret that I didn't at least ask, but I just have to get over it. An hour afterwards, I receive an email in my inbox:


I made i home safe and sound. Thanks for everything, I had a lot of fun with you. You're so sweet and funny, not to mention incredibly super handsome. I am so proud of you for coming out to your friends, that was such a brave act and a leap of faith. See what a little confidence can do. :-)

I hope I get to come out to LA rather than Paris. Enjoy your last full day!


So there you go... it's that line again. "You're so sweet and funny, not to mention incredibly super handsome." Sigh... But let's first talk about how HE emailed me! Not to a reply to me! OMG, that's a pretty big step I think. Just glad he really wants to be friends. It sucks that he has a guy now, but I'm really happy for him. He's been through a lot with Captain Douchbag and Ex-Boyfriend #1. So I'm glad that he has someone that's (seemingly) great for him.

I just really need to go home now. Today, I spent the whole day alone in the parks. After having such a wonderful time with J, I just want to go home now and leave it at that. There's nothing else that can be done with him anymore. He has a guy and I need to respect that. I was talking with Barry online while in the park, and I told him I need to just get over him. He tells me not to completely get over him. Just put him on the back burner and take it down a notch. He told me never to say never, because you never can know what will happen. But there's no need to just forget about him. He tells me I'll always have feelings for him and that's completely ok. It just shouldn't get in the way of finding new guys because there are lots of other guys out there that is right for me. I really appreciated Barry's advice. And it makes perfect sense to me. I hope I will be able to do that, because I definitely don't want to forget about him. But I also need to just put myself out there and find other guys.

So, this should not be the end of the "J Saga." It certainly is the end of a big chapter.. maybe a whole Volume tho. This has been a real giant part of my life, figuratively speaking. It only started at the end of August, but I feel like J has really helped me find who I really am. And for that, I thank him and will forever be grateful. Some day, I will let him know just exactly how much he has meant to my life... but I guess that will be another Volume of the story.

P.S. I'm so freaking pissed off that I didn't take a picture with him. I guess that will just have to wait until the next time I see him... whenever that will be.


Shane said...

I think this was the best thing that could have ever happen to you - to be honest. It is the best type of closure.
I'm so proud/happy for you!

Joshua said...

Congrats!! :D You can sleep peacefully now! Haha just kidding. But seriously, congrats, and I hope you two stay good friends and stuff.

But seriously: you're too cool to be single! :D

DL said...

Joshua + Shane: I love you two. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. Makes me feel loved :) did you guys make it through the whole post? Sorry it was so long but I needed to get it all out. I'm spending my last day here in Florida but I just want to get out of here and start putting J behind me. Everything here is just a constant reminder of him. I just finished walking through the shopping district again and I was almost in tears thinking about him. So stupid, I know!

Aek said...

I'm glad this whole sequence turned out well with J. :)