Adventures in Waikiki!

Waikiki was so gorgeous! So N's parents are the nicest, most generous people. Our original plan was to stay with N's family for 6 or our 7 nights in Hawaii and then stay in a hotel in Waikiki for 1 night just to experience being in the Waikiki area. Well, when we arrived in Hawaii we were told that N's parents had actually secured THREE nights at the Hale Koa Hotel on the shores of Waikiki! This MAY be because they didn't want us in the house for all 6 nights... but no matter the motivation, they paid for 3 night at a hotel for us! Soooo very cool.

 

 The Hale Koa Hotel

On our 1st full day in Waikiki we were yet again treated to another surprise. Our original plan was to have N's cousin, Eric, teach us how to surf. We had asked him two days earlier when we had dinner together, but he said he was unable to do it because of work. However he said he'd try to work something out with his friend that runs a surfing shop on the beach. Well, we found out that surfing lessons were going to be $45/person ... but Eric paid for ALL 4 of us!! (N didn't surf.. she stayed on the beach to tan. hehe) 

  

Getting ready to hit the waves!

 

It was such a great time learning to surf. I really thought that I was going to have a harder time learning. And I'm not being cocky, but it was actually really easy. We had assistance, of course. The instructor would find the waves for us and give us a push to get us going. But getting on the board and staying on it was really easy. I guess being a dancer helps with the balance on the board. It was sooo fun. There were a few times when I had to just stop myself to take it all in and acknowledge that I was SURFING in freakin HAWAII! Oh so good!

We even got free pictures from the surfing shop!!

 That night, I was not done being out on the beach so I proposed a late night walk along the shore. N and Erik were up for it, while Chris and Zack stayed in the hotel. I'm so glad that I went out there because the water was SO beautiful. The moonlight was shimmering in the water and looked so amazing! And I went out to feel the water... STILL WARM! Felt so nice to have the water on my feet. We were out there for almost an hour because it was so nice. My first time being at the beach at night. I live very close to the beach in California but the beaches here are COLD at night so I've never wanted to go. But so different in Hawaii!! Had such a great night.

 

N and me acting couple-y on the beach :)

N, Erik, and my shadows

So I'm saving the best post about Hawaii for last.. and it's coming up soon. It's about my time at the luau and the gay bar. I've been wanting to tell the story for a while -- I've been wanting to just tell all my friends but I'm afraid that I'd seem slutty if I went around blabbing it. HAHA. Intrigued yet??

Update on Miles

If you haven't read about my friendship with Miles ending, then you may want to read it here before moving on.

Well, Miles actually wrote me an email while I was in Hawaii. He started off by calling me a nickname that he knows I hate. And he even acknowledges that in the email. So WHY he would do that is beyond me. Maybe he's trying to be funny... but that's not the route to take when you're trying to reconcile.

Then he says that it's obvious that we haven't talked to each other in a long while and that he'd like to sit down and chat so that he can "get stuff off his chest." Off HIS chest? The only thing he should be doing is apologizing. That put me off already...

So I was cordial and replied to him. I told him that I would be back at work after Hawaii and that we can talk then. Well, I've since returned to work. He's had many opportunities to come and talk to me. Again, I still don't find reason for me to make the effort. He's the one that needs to apologize so he should come and talk to me. He knows where I am at work and there are ample amounts of opportunity for him to have a private conversation with me. He just doesn't do it.

I know many of you have commented saying that I should just be the better person and initiate the conversation. And I may have to do that, but it's just so annoying that he won't do it. And I have a feeling it's because he feels that he has done NOTHING wrong. He NEVER thinks he is wrong. In anything that we do. Even if it's CLEAR that he's wrong, he'll make some excuse or place the blame on someone else. So it's probably the case here.

Just completely frustrating and I really don't know what I want to do with it. I don't think our friendship will ever be the same even if we reconcile, but maybe I need to just do something so that it's not as awkward as it has been at work where we don't say more than 2 words to each other in the entire day...

Drive to the North Shore

We took a drive to the North Shore to do some sight seeing. The scenery was AMAZING. Hawaii is such an amazingly beautiful place! I just wanna share some of the photos I took on my trip up to the North Shore.

 

There's the Chinaman's Hat!

 

  

I thought the shadow looked cool

 

  

Kualoa Ranch -- they filmed scenes from LOST here!

 

  

Kualoa Mountain Range

Sunset Beach on the North Shore

More Hawaii updates soon! Can't wait to talk about my time at the Hula's Gay Bar!

Hawaiian Food and First Hawaiian Beach Experience

I think I definitely have the same tastes as Hawaiians when it comes to food. I loved everything that I ate there. My friend N was born and raised in Hawaii. She moved to California for college and work. So naturally, she was our tour guide when we go to Hawaii. She brought us to all the local favorites and they were all amazing.

My first taste of Hawaii was breakfast at Cinnamon's. They had the normal breakfast foods (eggs, toast, hashbrowns, sausage, bacon, etc.) and all of that was YUMMY. But they also had amazing omelets and eggs benedict. I wish I took pictures of all the food that I ate, but here are two from Cinnamon's.

Makes your mouth water doesn't it?

Another local breakfast favorite was Boots and Kimo. This is where I experienced the famous Banana Macadamia Nut Pancakes! OMG. They are like HEAVEN. The bananas are baked into the pancakes and then topped with this creamy, sweet macadamia nut sauce/syrup. I couldn't eat enough of them. Well... I lie about that. Unfortunately, my stomach was still a bit queezy from my bout with food poisoning just a few days earlier, so I couldn't eat as much as I wanted to. But what I did eat was AMAZING and super fulfilling. If anyone ever goes to Hawaii, I highly recommend these pancakes at Boots and Kimo. You can find it in Kailua, the CDP (census designated place... not city) where we stayed in.

Other mentionable yummies were the Shrimp Trucks on the way to North Shore. They're little portable catering trucks that serve shrimp in many flavors. N had actually never had any in her 20 years of living on Oahu, yet they're supposedly super famous. HAHA. So N was very intrigued to try them with us. And soooo glad that we did because it was amazing. We got the Garlic Butter Shrimp and shared it. Again, I was still recovering from being sick so I didn't eat as much -- and now totally bummed that I didn't have more because they were absolutely amazing.

It may look dirty, but that's usually where you find the best food

We also had Lanikai Juice, a little smoothie shop with really creamy, yummy flavors. I love mangoes so I got the Mango Surise, which had mangoes, guava juice, and pineapple juice. So freakin' good. Chris got a Smoothie Bowl, which is a big bowl of smoothie, topped with freshly cut fruit on top. He got the Chocolate Banana smoothie bowl. Really great flavors together.

Speaking of Lanikai, I highly recommend the beach at Lanikai. It's like a small little getaway. It's almost like a private beach because it's small, clean, and beautiful. N made it a point to bring us to Lanikai Beach FIRST because it's her favorite and the most beautiful out of all the beaches she's been to in Oahu. Seriously, the water is CLEAR. The sand was so smooth. And the weather was nice. It was a bit overcast and sprinkled a little when we first got there, but it soon cleared up and the sun was beaming down on us. Not only was the water nice and warm, but there were already some hotties to look at already. :P There was a hot boy with his dog further down the beach, so N and I did some investigation to make sure he had a nice head on his body. And he did. :) It was just surreal to me to be walking along the beach in freakin HAWAII!

The beach blends into the water.. and the sky is just the perfect backdrop.

We just laid out on the beach for an hour or two. My goal was to get rid of my tanlines so I had to start right away. Except, I think I was in the sun for too long. I hadn't laid out in a long while and I think the sun really took a toll on my body. By 8pm, I was already super tired. We had plans to go out and enjoy the nightlife that night, but I completely fell asleep right after I showered. And so did N and Erik and Zack. Chris was the only one who stayed awake. But it was fine, because we had other nights to go out. It was just awesome to have a great first beach experience... one that I will never forget. :)

Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second

I simply cannot say enough about the book The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second.


The book was recommended to me by Matt from Debriefing the Boys way back in Oct 2008. I actually went to Borders and bought the book because he had me so excited about reading it. And being true to myself, I bought it, started reading a few pages, and then left it on my bookshelf to collect dust. I'm really not a book-reading type of person.

So almost a year goes by.. August 23rd.. I'm packing for my trip to Hawaii and I think Hmm... maybe I should have something to read on the plane. So I walk over to my bookcase and contemplate trying to read through Dan Brown's Deception Point for the 5th time. Every time I pick it up, I end up having to re-read it from the beginning because I've forgotten what has happened. And each time, I get to about page 133 and I just put it down again. So maybe Deception Point isn't the best choice. And then I see this yellowish-orange book (I'm slightly color-blind, don't make fun of me), slightly bigger than the others, sticking out. Not remembering what it is, I pull it out a little, and see that it's the book that I had bought almost a year ago. I re-read the backcover summary and it sparks my interest again. 6 hour plane flight... I think I could get through a lot of it while strapped into a tiny little thing they call a seat. So I take it off the shelf and pack it in my backpack.

I'm on the plane and I'm sitting alone because my friend who I was flying with decided that he'd rather have an aisle seat than sit next to me. Bastard. The overhead entertainment system is on (no personal TV... what kind of cheap ass airline is this??) and it's playing an episode of AMC's Mad Men. I've heard only good things about it so I take out my earphones so I can start watching. I try to plug them into the jack on my arm rest... it won't go in. I try jamming it in a few times (as if that would miraculously make it fit) and that doesn't work. I lift the arm rest up to examine the jack and it turns out that someone must've broken off their earphone plug and half of it was wedged in there. Great... so no audio for me. But wait! I packed a book to read! I take out "The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second" and open it up to where I placed my bookmark, the receipt from Borders which I folded hot dog style.

I re-read the last few paragraphs of the previous "chapter" to try and remember what I had read. And I say "chapter" because the book is written in journal/diary form. So each "chapter" is really a day or an entry in Charlie's journal. I start reading and reading and reading. I find myself flipping through page after page, not able to put the book down. I don't even realize that the flight attendants are pushing their giant food and beverage carts down the aisle. I am completely glued to the book. Even though it's a 6 hour flight, I don't finish the book on the plane. But I take out the book every chance I get: before bed, while laying out on the beach, while waiting for my turn for the bathroom, etc.

The book is smart, witty, and just incredibly hilarious. I find myself laughing - out loud - in certain parts of the book (which made my friends give me funny looks). Charlie is such a fun, cute, nerdy character. I guess I just have a soft spot for nerds. I'm definitely drawn to the nerdy type... Jamie... Jason... and now Charlie. :P

You see, Charlie is a out-of-the-closet gay teenager going to high school in a town near Chicago. He has overbearing parents that like to tell him what to do. He's the goalkeeper on his school's varsity soccer team, but he's also the geeky choir boy. Where can I find me one of those in real life? And during the few months that these journal entries are made, he finds himself in a relationship with a new boy in town, Rob. I'm not going to go into too much detail about the two of them, but I will say that they've made me let out multiple "awww"s throughout the book. There are so many instances when I would find myself with a grin from ear to ear because I just think the two of them are so damn cute!

I really don't want to spoil the book for anyone so I really don't know what else I should talk about here. But I guess I can say that the book is very enjoyable and powerful. I found myself going through lots of emotions while I was reading it: happiness, sadness, frustration, sympathy, anger... I'm not sure what other book has elicited so many emotions from me. This book is just freakin' amazing, ok!?

So I seriously urge all of you to get the book through Amazon or wherever you like to buy your books. And then we can arrange an online meeting and have a book club discussion! I've always wanted to do one of those and now I have a book that I want to do that with! Ooo, I think our goal should be to get Oprah to endorse the book on her Book Club!

If you've already read the book, I'd love to hear your opinions/thoughts on it. Write me a comment or shoot me an email. I really am serious about discussing the book with someone!

Coming Back From Vacation

It's always tough coming home from a vacation. My room has been a mess because of the laundry that I've needed to do and the souvenirs all over the floor. I just don't feel like cleaning up after a whole week of relaxation, you know? But I'm finally starting to do it. My last load of laundry is running right now and I'm slowly organizing the souvenirs. I'm glad I decided to clean up my room a bit before going on vacation so there isn't much actual cleaning to do.

I went back to work the very next day after I returned so I haven't had much time for much else. There's an event at a gay club tonight and my friends want me to go, but I don't think I'm going to be up for it. I don't really have a long work day, but I feel like I'm going to be real tired because I'm still getting back into the swing of things. I'm not a big club person anyway so I don't even know if I'd have fun.

Perhaps I'll just stay home tonight and edit my video footage from Hawaii and then start blogging about it too. :) Guess I'll make my decision around 9pm tonight.

Leaving Hawaii :(

It's my last night here in Hawaii ... it's a very sad night because it's been such a great vacation for me! I really loved every part of it, and there is so much to talk about. I took a bunch of pictures so it may take a while to go through everything, but I will definitely take the time to blog about it.

Some highlights I look forward to writing about:

• Yummy Hawaiian breakfasts
• Lanikai Beach
• North Shore car trip
• Waikiki
• Surfing!
• Paradise Cove Luau
• Hula's Gay Bar
• Diamond Head Crater hiking

If you've been following me on Twitter, then you've all gotten some updates throughout this week. Soooo much fun. I really don't want to leave. I might actually actively look for teaching jobs here in Hawaii. It would be great to teach for a year or two here! We'll see... hehe.

It's 10:45pm right now and my flight is at 8am. So I better make sure I'm all packed and start getting ready for bed. More blogs soon!

Hawai'i -- Here I Come!

Only a few hours until I board the plane! I've made the decision NOT to bring my computer with me on vacation because I feel like I shouldn't need to be on it while I'm there. Afterall, I have my iPhone and that should be enough.

So I'm going to try and blog while I'm there, give minor updates on things. I'll definitely Tweet while there, so keep an eye on the TwitterFeed on the right sidebar or subscribe to me! (NyteDragon)

But warning about the blogs from Hawai'i.. I'm going to be sending them to Blogger through email and sometimes the formatting is all screwed up -- so bear with it until I can get onto a real computer to re-format it, if that problem should arise.

And now, I am going to try and fall back asleep after being awake for an hour because my whole right side of my body is shaky from drinking iced tea right befre I slept... really smart move, I know... But I got a nice little Twitter conversation with Torchy! out of it. :P

Done and DONE!

Without even re-reading or proof-reading, I finished the paper and sent it in. DONE!

That means I've done all the necessary work to complete my Masters in Teaching and now I await my scores! But I guess I'm not too worried about that. So I can pretty much say that I have my Masters now!! Wow... that's a big deal isn't it?

And now I'm ready to think about HAWAI'I!!! I can't wait! Seriously, this is a going to be a GREAT vacation. I've been on many vacations, but this one is really one of the big ones. I want this next week in Hawai'i to be just absolutely amazing. So I'm not going to let anything or anyone get in the way of that.

And I seriously CANNOT wait to show off my new Aussiebums. I just need to do some last minute working out on my chest and arms and then I'll be content. :P

So now it's time to rest up because I'm still recovering from my food poisoning, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to have a REAL meal tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Food Poisoning

You know what? Throwing up is a really good ab workout.

Disclaimer: Apparently, I'm too graphic in my "blow-by-blow" account ... so read at your own rise. HAHA.

Thursday night at work, I got a carne asada quesadilla from the "Roach Coach" (portable restaurants in a van). I ate it, and it tasted good going down. But as the night went on, my stomach didn't feel all so well. I got off work around 12:30am, and when I got home, I REALLY didn't feel well. I immediately went to the bathroom and threw up... a lot. It was gross... I threw up so much. And I felt a lot better throwing up. So I cleaned up and took a shower.

But as I was taking a shower, I got that horrible feeling in my stomach again, and I knew I had to throw up again. So I got out of the shower, bent over the toilet and threw up again. Again, it was a good amount of it. So by this time, I was super tired... so I climbed into bed, hoping that sleep would make it better.

Of course, it didn't. I woke up every 30 minutes or so with the feeling in my stomach and I threw up each time. And this went on until 6am, when I finally called my friend Zack (after calling Jon 10 times and he didn't pick up) asking him to take me to Urgent Care. He came and picked me up right away (he lives a block away from me) and we drove to Urgent Care, which was CLOSED. argh... So by this point, I was nauseous again and had to step out of the car to throw up again. He called his mom to see what I should do. She just said that Urgent Care or the ER wouldn't be able to help much. Perhaps just get some ginger ale or clear soda and some crackers.

So he dropped me off at home so I could throw up again and then he went to the store and picked up some stuff for me. I was hesitant to drink the clear soda because the water that I had drank a few hours ago just came right back up. But I tried it anyway because the bubbly is supposed to help. So I drank it, and it kept it down, and it actually stopped my nausea. So I actually got to get some rest. I slept on the couch from 8am to 1pm.

My roommate Kelley came home from work at 1pm. She made me a glass of Gatorade, which is supposed to help with dehydration. So I drank some of that. Jen came over a little bit later to just hang out and help out with whatever I needed. We watched some TV until about 5pm, when she left. But by that time, I got a little nauseous again. So for the last time, I threw up the Gatorade that I had drank. What was supposed to help me actually made me throw up again. BLAH.

I took a shower after that, and then went to bed because I was just super exhausted. That was around 8pm. I didn't wake up again until 4am, which is right now. I'm probably going to go back to sleep again soon. I'm definitely not going in to work. I won't work again until I'm back from Hawaii. I need the rest so that I can be back to normal for my vacation!

But yeah, this food poisoning is giving me some good abs for Hawaii. And now I'm gonna be super skinny too. ;) (I'm not really being serious here.. so don't yell at me. I'm not bulimic.)

School Ends --- ALMOST!!

I had my last class ever! Classes are finally over! No more boring lectures and sitting through presentation after presentation of utter uselessness!! SO HAPPY!!

Now I just need to write this stupid paper. It's a 2000+ word paper that's due on Sunday. But I definitely want to finish it tonight or tomorrow night. Definitely no later than tomorrow night because I don't want to be thinking about school anymore while I'm packing for HAWAII! So while I should be writing the paper, I'm writing this blog entry. HAHA. As you can tell, I'm a really good procrastinator.

By the way, does anyone actually use the little check boxes at the bottom of each blog entry? The ones that says "LOL" "Hot!" and "Interesting"... Would you use them more often if I changed to say something else?

iChat: Video Chat

As you may or may not know, I use a Mac computer. In fact, it's a MacBook.. one of the white ones. I'm a big Mac enthusiast. I won't go as far to say that I'm a Mac Fanboy, but I will say that I really enjoy Mac hardware and software and fully support them. I have a MacBook, a MacMini, an iPhone, an iPod Mini, and a 3rd Gen iPod. There's also an old Powerbook and an old iBook with a cracked screen that are living on the top shelf of my closet... So yea, I really like Macs.

One of the applications on my Mac that I have on ALL the time is iChat. It's basically AIM, but for the Mac. I use my AIM account on it. But it gives me other capabilities like a very reliable audio or video chat and screen sharing. I put one of those features to good use tonight. :P

It first started with me taking a few pictures of myself in my new Aussiebum swimwear. :) They're black square cuts.... very short. hehe. Jason isn't feel well so I decided to send him the pic to make him feel better. He loved it, which made him a bit horny, which made ME horny. So I asked if jacking off for him would make him feel even better. He said "hell yes!"

I won't go into details, but I put on a nice show for him. He was just talking into the camera. I didn't have him join me because I know he wasn't feeling well enough. But I could see him reach down to play with himself a little during my show. ;) I loved every minute of it too. It was definitely fun.

But it was the chatting afterwards that I really liked. We just stayed on video chat with each other and just talked. He had some shirts to iron and I had some researching for my paper. So we both stayed on the computer and talked about our day and other random things. I enjoy my conversations with him. And he's just so damn cute. His face, his expressions, the way he talks.. all so adorable.

I'm really glad that I found Jason. I know we're not committed to each other in anyway, but I definitely know that I'm comfortable with him and I can tell he's comfortable with me. And for now, that's all that matters. I hope he'll stay in my life in one form or another for a long time. :)

Desktop Picture

Saw this over at Torchy!. He posted a pic of his desktop pic, as a request from Rapha. I thought it'd be cool to show you my desktop because I LOVE this picture.


This was taken in front of the Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino in Vegas. It's actually two pictures spliced together on Photoshop. It just looks awesome, doesn't it? Only problem is my pose.. I look like I'm about to take a dump or something. Very unattractive. Oh well... everyone else looks amazing. HEHE.

School Almost Over

Today is Tuesday. Tomorrow will be Wednesday. But what's so special about Wednesday? Well... it'll be my last class that I will have to attend.. EVER!! Two more 3-hour classes away from freedom!! Well.. sort of. I still have a 6 page paper to write by Sunday... but I will have finally finished all my classes. And by this Sunday, if all goes well with my grades, I will have my Masters in Teaching. :P

Unless it's for fun, I probably won't be taking any more classes anywhere. I will teach classes... but not take them. :) It's going to feel SOOO nice once the classes are over and my paper is done. I'm going to try and work on the paper as much as I can tonight, and then finish it tomorrow night. I don't want to procrastinate. I know I will want to put it off.. but I just want it to be done so that I can focus on what comes next: HAWAII!!!

A Friendship Ends

It seems as though my friendship with Miles has ended. (Read my "Important People" section in the sidebar on the right for a short description of who he is). I definitely considered him to be one of my very best friends. We hung out together all the time. But we've always had a really weird friendship. We like to make fun of each other and call each other out on things. People who don't know us very well would ask why we were friends because we seem to be so mean to each other. But that's just how it worked. And we thought it was funny. Just as long as we were just making fun of each other, you know?

Well, as you may know, I work at Disneyland and I have girl partners that I dance with. Being girls, they are ALWAYS weight conscious no matter how skinny they really are. But us guys have our locker room talk and conversation always steers toward our partners... how well they lift their own weight, whether they're good partners, how easy/hard it is to lift them, etc. Well, I mentioned that one of the girls was probably not the easiest to lift just because she is heavier than the other girls but I wasn't saying it maliciously or in any way to imply that she was fat. Just stating a fact. And I said that Miles would probably have a harder time lifting her if they were partners... but mostly a dig at him before heing weak.

Well, a few days after that, when I wasn't at work that day, Miles goes up to her and just casually says, "You know... Doug told me that I wouldn't be able to lift you." So of course, the next day that I'm back at work, the girl confronts me and asks why I would say that. I was so surprised and in shock by it that I didn't know what to say to her. Luckily another girl was next to me and bailed me out. But I was so mad that Miles would repeat it.

After that happened, I called Miles out and asked him what the hell he was thinking repeating what I said to him. He just laughed, thinking that it was funny. I explained to him that I thought what we talked about in the locker room should be kept just among the guys and not to be repeated. I reiterated that I was upset but, again, he just laughed. He probably thinks it's just like any other dig that we make at each other, but this actually invovled another person. What he said hurt another person's feelings. And my friendship with the girl involved has suffered because of it. I can't let that go.

This was about 3 weeks ago. And since that day, I have yet to have a normal conversation with him again. We've had to interact with each other while performing and I had to return something that he loaned me, but that's been it. So from best friends to not talking at all. Today, we passed each other in the hallway, saw each other, and didn't even talk.

And the thing is... if only he just came up to me and APOLOGIZED for what happened, then everything will be fine. But I just don't think I should make any effort to reconcile.. It should be HIM. He needs to make the effort because he was at fault in this whole situation, don't you think? Why should I be the one to try and make up and regain our friendship. Not going to lie, I miss talking and hanging out with him, but he has totally lost my trust. Don't you all think it's just ridiculous that he won't apologize??

Cruiseship

This just makes me laugh that this is happening after I called my life mundane.

I saw Jamie online last night and I decided to just randomly send him a message. "Hi." Pretty harmless. We hadn't talked since we saw each other in Florida in June. So we caught each other up on our lives. I told him about Jason a bit. And he's sort of seeing this guy, but he's unsure about him because he's very indecisive and apparently not very good in bed... And that got us on the topic of our nights together in Florida. Of course we reminisced about the amazing sex. I'll have to say that he's the best I've had. But ok, I'm digressing...

So we're also talking about his job and how much overtime he has to put in every week. I just feel horrible for him because he works so hard and they don't reward them whatsoever. I asked if he's due for a vacation. And he says he REALLY wants to go on the Disney Cruise but none of his friends are willing to go with him, which I don't understand. Because the Disney Cruise is just about the best thing ever and I would kill to go on that again. Plus my friend is working on the cruise ship right now so it would be so fun to visit him. I, of course, tell him that I would be so interested to go and if he'd be willing to go with me.

So we kind of discuss the dates that we would be able to go (a week in September) and he says he's going to check if it's going to be possible to get days off.

OMG it would be AMAZING if we went on a 7 day cruise together. And you know what? I really think I've gotten over Jamie now and we're just good friends. Good friends with benefits. (OMG, why do I have so many?) And I think we could definitely enjoy ourselves on the cruise together without having things get complicated. I really hope this happens. And I really hope I can pick up massive overtime from now until then to pay for this! HAHA.

Another Boy

The day after I blog about having to write about mundane things... I'm writing about another boy that I've been talking to. Ha. I guess there's never a lack of drama in my life.

So I've been noticing this Cute Boy at work for a while now. Probably a good 2-3 months. But always been from a far. I've never talked to him before. But every time I see him, I always am mesmerized by his good looks.

Well, about 3 weeks ago, I went to Las Vegas with my friends. And I took a few pics of me in my skimpy swimsuit and I posted them on my Facebook as my default pic. :P Well, the day after that pic went up, I get a Friend Request from Cute Boy. I'd really like to think that he noticed me because of my pic ;) (He's friends with some other of my co-workers, which is why he could see my pic)

Well, we've been casually chatting online, which then went to texting. And we've definitely been flirting with each other, and recently the conversations have been pretty sexual. But today, the conversation got a little more serious. And without giving you all the details, the topic went to relationships. And my instinct in response was to tell him that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship right now. But I wouldn't mind hanging out and then have a little sex. And he agreed with all that.

But is any of this ringing a bell to you guys? Argh... Everything I said to Cute Boy is what Jason said to me. What made me say them? And whatever that reason is, would that be the same reasons for Jason? Am I denying Cute Boy a relationship because I am holding out for Jason? Or am I just simply scared to enter into a relationship? But then again, I feel like I would be ready for a relationship with Jason. So why am I not ready with Cute Boy?

So many questions and it's really frustrating... Frustrating that I could be potentially letting a good relationship with Cute Boy go and frustrating that Jason isn't ready for a relationship. FML.

More Blogging

So I think I'm going to make more of an effort to blog again. This summer has been really busy for me and I just haven't had the time to even sit down and watch TV, let alone blog. But I want to change that. It's just that it's been tough for me to blog because I feel like a lot of my life is not really blog-worthy. But maybe if I just get over that and blog about some of just my every day life, I can get back to blogging every day again. This blog was supposed to be my personal journal about my life anyway, and I might want to look back on it and read some of the mundane parts of my life and not just the life changing stuff.

So I hope I stick with this. I was so good when I first started this. I wanted to get back to it! ;)

And I'm not going to lie, but comments and emails really keep me going. So I would really love to hear from all of you as often as possible. :)

The Talk...

Well, I had the talk with Jason. I intended on doing it in person, but we were talking online and the topic came up and I just needed to address it. I think I will just copy and paste our conversation (not in its entirety but enough for you all to get the gist of it):

Doug: hmmm... since you're bringing it up... I just have to ask... where are we at right now? I like you, and I just want to know if we're just pretty much going to be friends and that's it, or if there's potential for more? I'm not trying to put any pressure on you

Jason: sorry Doug we have talked about this before. but I am just not up for dating.

D: Just not up for dating? Or just not up for dating me?

J: Just not up for dating. but that doesn't mean it won't change. It might, it might not. But dating is not on my list. I knew us having sex was leading you on. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that.

D: No, that's not it. It's actually not the sex that's leading me on. I guess I just feel like everything that we do outside of the bedroom feels like casual dating to me. I mean, I don't want the pressures of commitment right now either. I guess we just have different ideas of dating. I think my only thing is that I feel like we're more than just "friends." But we're definitely not boyfriends either, which is fine by me.

J: Ok, I know we are definitely more affectionate than friends, that is true. Well then I guess casual dating is fine. I just don't want to hurt you if I, and I'm not saying that I will, do find someone that completely changes things. And I want you to be able to tell me if you've met someone else as well. And just say that you want to be with him.

D: Well, I can do that. But only if you promise me that you'll let me know when you're ready for more then. But no pressure from me, cuz I like where we're at right now.

Well, I got my answers. And they're not all the answers that I hoped for. I think we both did a little compromising. I just want to tell you all that I really AM fine with where we're at right now. Like I've described to you, I feel like everything that we've done together is considered dating. Like he said, we're definitely more affectionate than just friends. Which is why I really just didn't like that word being used. But hanging out, going to dinners, cuddling, watching TV together, kissing, having sex -- I'm all for it right now. And do I need the pressures of being boyfriends?... perhaps not. I never really said that I wanted to be boyfriends with him. Sure, I do think there's potential for us to be, and if it so happens that we do become boyfriends, I'd like that too. But NOT being boyfriends is not a dealbreaker. I'm really not looking for one right now.

So I guess we're in a good place. I really wanted this to be an in-person talk, but I just needed to know and couldn't wait. I know many of you are just going to tell me that he's no good for me and that I should find someone else. Well, you're probably right. But I'm not going to be actively searching for someone else either. I'll go on the online dating hookup site and check things out. I actually started chatting with a really cute boy last night. And there's also the cute boy at work that I've started chatting with online and through texting too. So I'm keeping my options open.

But for now, Jason and I are casually dating each other. Maybe now he'll stop using the word "friend" every chance he gets.

Potential Boyfriend?

So I'm getting mixed signals from Jason. Don't get me wrong, things between us are still great. We're hanging out a lot, we talk all the time. He even came over to help me move my new apartment (which I am SO thankful for). But I'm getting different signals about what he wants for the two of us.

First, let me just describe the things we've done together and our friendship/relationship so far. We've had dinner together multiple times. We went to the Ringling Bros. circus together, along with my friends. He has met some of my closest friends. He had me over at his birthday party and held my hand several times at night to lead me around. He introduced me to his closest friends. We go to the gym together. He's playful with me (i.e. He'll playfully nudge me when we're standing side by side, he pinned me down and tickled me for a good few minutes). We like to watch TV together and have made plans to watch certain shows/DVDs. We've slept over at each other's apartments. He's given me a toothbrush head of my own for his electric toothbrush. Oh.. and we have sex a lot.

The flip side to this... he has mentioned in the beginning of our friendship that he's not looking to date right now. He asked if we could be friends with benefits. He seems to use the word "friends" a lot (i.e. I thanked him for helping me move, and he replies with "what are friends for?").

The latest thing on this flip side is what he told me when he came to help me move. As we're getting ready to move my entertainment center, he tells me that the night before he was at a birthday party for his friend that he used to hookup with, and the friend asked if he wanted to have a threesome, which he agreed to. He went on to describe the experience, saying that he wasn't enjoying it so much since the other two were more into each other. While I was listening to him describe it, I couldn't help but feel a little sad inside. Of course I didn't let it show in my face, cuz we're only just friends, but it was pretty tough to hear about his hookups because I really do like him.

But back on the positive side of things, he later said something that I have interpreted to be a good sign. I asked what he was doing after he finished helping me move and he told me that he was possibly going to a wedding reception with his friend. However, his friend still had not replied back to his texts/voicemails about whether or not she's going. And then he says, "She's with her potential boyfriend herself." Ok, after he said that, I was going through my head what that was implying. He could have easily just said, "She's with her potential boyfriend." But because he added the word "herself," it sounds to me like he was calling me his potential boyfriend. And then, you may say that he just accidentally slipped in the word "herself" and it doesn't mean anything. But then again, why would he even mention her potential boyfriend. Why would he need to tell me that? I've asked three of my friends what they think of it... 2 out of 3 agree with me that he was calling me his potential boyfriend and the 3rd just said it meant nothing.

Well, I think I've pretty much written down everything in my relationship with Jason and I'm hoping that you guys can give me your opinions. I know several of you have already expressed that my relationship with Jason doesn't seem to be a good one that will last, and if you still feel the same way, I would still like to hear it. I just want to know what you guys think and any advice you may have for me.

I do plan to talk to him about it soon. Even if he just confirms that I'm a potential boyfriend, I will be happy. Even if he just says that we're "dating," then I'm happy. I don't need to be his boyfriend right now. But I guess I would like to know if we could possibly be boyfriends in the future.

I'm sorry I'm so all over the place with this. I don't know if you can tell...but I like this guy. lol. So my mind just goes at 100mph when I talk about him. Anyway, let me know what you think. :)