Monday, August 17, 2009

A Friendship Ends

It seems as though my friendship with Miles has ended. (Read my "Important People" section in the sidebar on the right for a short description of who he is). I definitely considered him to be one of my very best friends. We hung out together all the time. But we've always had a really weird friendship. We like to make fun of each other and call each other out on things. People who don't know us very well would ask why we were friends because we seem to be so mean to each other. But that's just how it worked. And we thought it was funny. Just as long as we were just making fun of each other, you know?

Well, as you may know, I work at Disneyland and I have girl partners that I dance with. Being girls, they are ALWAYS weight conscious no matter how skinny they really are. But us guys have our locker room talk and conversation always steers toward our partners... how well they lift their own weight, whether they're good partners, how easy/hard it is to lift them, etc. Well, I mentioned that one of the girls was probably not the easiest to lift just because she is heavier than the other girls but I wasn't saying it maliciously or in any way to imply that she was fat. Just stating a fact. And I said that Miles would probably have a harder time lifting her if they were partners... but mostly a dig at him before heing weak.

Well, a few days after that, when I wasn't at work that day, Miles goes up to her and just casually says, "You know... Doug told me that I wouldn't be able to lift you." So of course, the next day that I'm back at work, the girl confronts me and asks why I would say that. I was so surprised and in shock by it that I didn't know what to say to her. Luckily another girl was next to me and bailed me out. But I was so mad that Miles would repeat it.

After that happened, I called Miles out and asked him what the hell he was thinking repeating what I said to him. He just laughed, thinking that it was funny. I explained to him that I thought what we talked about in the locker room should be kept just among the guys and not to be repeated. I reiterated that I was upset but, again, he just laughed. He probably thinks it's just like any other dig that we make at each other, but this actually invovled another person. What he said hurt another person's feelings. And my friendship with the girl involved has suffered because of it. I can't let that go.

This was about 3 weeks ago. And since that day, I have yet to have a normal conversation with him again. We've had to interact with each other while performing and I had to return something that he loaned me, but that's been it. So from best friends to not talking at all. Today, we passed each other in the hallway, saw each other, and didn't even talk.

And the thing is... if only he just came up to me and APOLOGIZED for what happened, then everything will be fine. But I just don't think I should make any effort to reconcile.. It should be HIM. He needs to make the effort because he was at fault in this whole situation, don't you think? Why should I be the one to try and make up and regain our friendship. Not going to lie, I miss talking and hanging out with him, but he has totally lost my trust. Don't you all think it's just ridiculous that he won't apologize??


Alex C. said...

Oh honey, my BFF and I have the same type of friendship. I say sit him and down and explain your anger and sadness to him. Waiting for him to APOLOGIZE is causing you grief as well. If you both bring something to the table, it will get better. Good luck!


torchy! said...

of course he should apologise to you.

in an ideal world.

but it's not an ideal world.

you've said you miss hanging out and talking with him. do you want to lose that friendship because of a rigid principle?

you should talk to him calmly and explain your point of view. if he doesn't get it, then you can either walk away or, better, agree to differ. how much value do you place on your friendship?

as the saying goes: "if you know you're right, apologise at once"


Godfrey said...

He's your friend. A good one. It was a silly comment that pissed you off and it was pretty shitty of him and lame that he didn't apologize. If his friendship is worth getting upset about losing, it's worth trying to salvage. Just sit him down and tell him that you were serious when you were upset that he told her. He probably didn't realize you were so annoyed with him. Just sit him down, get it out there, and move on. I'm sure he's missing you as much as you are him. Even if you think you shouldn't be the one going out of your way, who cares, you want to be friends with him. Sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet. I definitely don't think that one comment is justification to totally throw away a friendship. It was a mistake on his part. It happens. :(

dannie said...

you should talk to him about it. seems like he won't be the first one to do it, make sure he knows you're serious and not joking around.

Anonymous said...

He may think that you should apologize to him for calling him weak or a woos.

You need to start the ball rolling by talking to him. Find out what he perceived from your comment.

Perception is 100% of his reality. He may have retaliated for what he perceived to be a personal dig.

Set the record straight.

Anonymous said...

yes, he should apologize. and yes, he may very well think that he has nothing to apologize for. But YOU don't have to end the friendship over it. That's your choice.

People can be friends and still disagree.

letopho said...

If the friendship means a lot to you then suck up your pride.

If you're not willing to compromise your pride then you've potentially lost a friend.

BUT a friend who doesn't know when to apologize so that might not be a lose at all.

Aek said...

Everyone else has already said it.

Yes, he should apologize. BUT that doesn't mean you should let this one thing break your friendship. Talk to him, and make him understand (tactfully) that he should apologize because it involved someone other than just the 2 of you, and that you don't want this to stand between your friendship with him.

Doug said...

Thank you everyone, for your comments. I really appreciate your advice.

It seems as though everyone agrees that I should let my pride go and talk to him, let him know how I feel about it all. I've already started to break down the wall by interacting him with him more through facebook comments and texts. Perhaps we can actually have a real conversation again soon. And when that happens, and I talk about what happened, he'll want to apologize. All I want is an apology.. and then we can move on from it.

Anonymous said...

I just stumbled on this so that is why I am late. I think this person is a friend on his terms only. You stuck him with your comment but instead of sticking you back he went for blood. That is what he will do in the future. I don't think you can trust him. I wouldn't waste my time. You will know quality when you meet it... I am 55 and been around the block too many times..