Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Potential Boyfriend?

So I'm getting mixed signals from Jason. Don't get me wrong, things between us are still great. We're hanging out a lot, we talk all the time. He even came over to help me move my new apartment (which I am SO thankful for). But I'm getting different signals about what he wants for the two of us.

First, let me just describe the things we've done together and our friendship/relationship so far. We've had dinner together multiple times. We went to the Ringling Bros. circus together, along with my friends. He has met some of my closest friends. He had me over at his birthday party and held my hand several times at night to lead me around. He introduced me to his closest friends. We go to the gym together. He's playful with me (i.e. He'll playfully nudge me when we're standing side by side, he pinned me down and tickled me for a good few minutes). We like to watch TV together and have made plans to watch certain shows/DVDs. We've slept over at each other's apartments. He's given me a toothbrush head of my own for his electric toothbrush. Oh.. and we have sex a lot.

The flip side to this... he has mentioned in the beginning of our friendship that he's not looking to date right now. He asked if we could be friends with benefits. He seems to use the word "friends" a lot (i.e. I thanked him for helping me move, and he replies with "what are friends for?").

The latest thing on this flip side is what he told me when he came to help me move. As we're getting ready to move my entertainment center, he tells me that the night before he was at a birthday party for his friend that he used to hookup with, and the friend asked if he wanted to have a threesome, which he agreed to. He went on to describe the experience, saying that he wasn't enjoying it so much since the other two were more into each other. While I was listening to him describe it, I couldn't help but feel a little sad inside. Of course I didn't let it show in my face, cuz we're only just friends, but it was pretty tough to hear about his hookups because I really do like him.

But back on the positive side of things, he later said something that I have interpreted to be a good sign. I asked what he was doing after he finished helping me move and he told me that he was possibly going to a wedding reception with his friend. However, his friend still had not replied back to his texts/voicemails about whether or not she's going. And then he says, "She's with her potential boyfriend herself." Ok, after he said that, I was going through my head what that was implying. He could have easily just said, "She's with her potential boyfriend." But because he added the word "herself," it sounds to me like he was calling me his potential boyfriend. And then, you may say that he just accidentally slipped in the word "herself" and it doesn't mean anything. But then again, why would he even mention her potential boyfriend. Why would he need to tell me that? I've asked three of my friends what they think of it... 2 out of 3 agree with me that he was calling me his potential boyfriend and the 3rd just said it meant nothing.

Well, I think I've pretty much written down everything in my relationship with Jason and I'm hoping that you guys can give me your opinions. I know several of you have already expressed that my relationship with Jason doesn't seem to be a good one that will last, and if you still feel the same way, I would still like to hear it. I just want to know what you guys think and any advice you may have for me.

I do plan to talk to him about it soon. Even if he just confirms that I'm a potential boyfriend, I will be happy. Even if he just says that we're "dating," then I'm happy. I don't need to be his boyfriend right now. But I guess I would like to know if we could possibly be boyfriends in the future.

I'm sorry I'm so all over the place with this. I don't know if you can tell...but I like this guy. lol. So my mind just goes at 100mph when I talk about him. Anyway, let me know what you think. :)

9 comments:

Godfrey said...

I think he might see you as a potential boyfriend. But until you talk to him about it, there's no way to say for sure. My only question is what if you talk about it and he still considers you just a friend who he has sex with? Are you ok with continuing this knowing that he'll never want more. I think I would at least want to know if there were some possibility of it turning into something more. I do think you are moving past friendship though. Let us know how it progresses or if you talk to him about it. X

aron2631 said...

friends with benefits is such a confusing thing for me. I can't do it.

Personally, I would avoid reading his mind and trying to guess what he meant by a single word. Communication is best.

I'm glad you have a friend, and I'm glad that you have an outlet for your affection. There is the possibility for an enormous amount of pain in this off-balance relationship--but that is true for all relationships. And if this ends, I hope you will be able to move on.

Aek said...

Eep, you're falling for him! You could be seeing things that aren't there . . . There's only one way to find out, and that's to ask him earnestly. Speculation sometimes only brings trouble. :-/

Teddy Douglas said...

Sounds like he doesn't want a commitment right now. Not with you, not with anyone. If you want an exclusive on him, he'll run. If you're happy sharing him, he'll stick around a while longer. But be sure to let him know how you feel.

Alex C. said...

Good luck with Jason. I do wanna say that was shitty to tell you about the threesome. No one wants to hear stuff like that when they are sexually active with the person.

~A

Barry said...

We should talk soon ;)

dannie said...

it sounds like he's referring you as a potential bf thats what i get. you really should talk to him to clear things up...it's better sooner than later. it's kinda good that he told you about the threesome...other wise he might do it behind your back if anything...

Wet Kyle said...

Don't ask about potential BF. Accept the friendship with bennies for the now. To asked about BF status may be considered pressuring and ruin all the goodness of the present relationship.

And it sounded like you were a little jealous about the 3some. If he speaks of it again, you should invite yourself to a foursome.

tiger1763 said...

Well, I had some similar experience like you. I was with this guy who I originally known as friends. Of course we had sex and he kept telling me that he didnt want any relationship. But keeping give me this confusing hints..holding my hands at the party and introducing me to his sister and brother-in-law. Time went by, I fell for this guy..but one day I found out he knew another person and did the similar things..that hurts. I didnt think its his fault, just we had to be very careful what our feeling can lead to. This is my piece of advice, move on to date someone else. If he really likes you, he will definitely have come back to you. Otherwise, its time you should get the real boyfriend of your own before its too late.