Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Talk...

Well, I had the talk with Jason. I intended on doing it in person, but we were talking online and the topic came up and I just needed to address it. I think I will just copy and paste our conversation (not in its entirety but enough for you all to get the gist of it):

Doug: hmmm... since you're bringing it up... I just have to ask... where are we at right now? I like you, and I just want to know if we're just pretty much going to be friends and that's it, or if there's potential for more? I'm not trying to put any pressure on you

Jason: sorry Doug we have talked about this before. but I am just not up for dating.

D: Just not up for dating? Or just not up for dating me?

J: Just not up for dating. but that doesn't mean it won't change. It might, it might not. But dating is not on my list. I knew us having sex was leading you on. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that.

D: No, that's not it. It's actually not the sex that's leading me on. I guess I just feel like everything that we do outside of the bedroom feels like casual dating to me. I mean, I don't want the pressures of commitment right now either. I guess we just have different ideas of dating. I think my only thing is that I feel like we're more than just "friends." But we're definitely not boyfriends either, which is fine by me.

J: Ok, I know we are definitely more affectionate than friends, that is true. Well then I guess casual dating is fine. I just don't want to hurt you if I, and I'm not saying that I will, do find someone that completely changes things. And I want you to be able to tell me if you've met someone else as well. And just say that you want to be with him.

D: Well, I can do that. But only if you promise me that you'll let me know when you're ready for more then. But no pressure from me, cuz I like where we're at right now.

Well, I got my answers. And they're not all the answers that I hoped for. I think we both did a little compromising. I just want to tell you all that I really AM fine with where we're at right now. Like I've described to you, I feel like everything that we've done together is considered dating. Like he said, we're definitely more affectionate than just friends. Which is why I really just didn't like that word being used. But hanging out, going to dinners, cuddling, watching TV together, kissing, having sex -- I'm all for it right now. And do I need the pressures of being boyfriends?... perhaps not. I never really said that I wanted to be boyfriends with him. Sure, I do think there's potential for us to be, and if it so happens that we do become boyfriends, I'd like that too. But NOT being boyfriends is not a dealbreaker. I'm really not looking for one right now.

So I guess we're in a good place. I really wanted this to be an in-person talk, but I just needed to know and couldn't wait. I know many of you are just going to tell me that he's no good for me and that I should find someone else. Well, you're probably right. But I'm not going to be actively searching for someone else either. I'll go on the online dating hookup site and check things out. I actually started chatting with a really cute boy last night. And there's also the cute boy at work that I've started chatting with online and through texting too. So I'm keeping my options open.

But for now, Jason and I are casually dating each other. Maybe now he'll stop using the word "friend" every chance he gets.


dannie said...

it's good to clear the air, at least you know where you two stand at the moment. and you still get some attention and affection in the meantime :]

Godfrey said...

I don't see anything wrong with this. As long as you keep communicating when you start to think its going further, you should be ok. The danger is really when one person starts to think of it as something more serious than the other person. Just check in from time to time on where you two are at and as long as you're happy with the way it's going, I don't think you have much to worry about. You're young, it's fun, just go with it. :)