Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Well That Answers That...

Not very good news tonight. Got home at around 11:30pm and started chatting with Jason on AIM. We were talking about dinner and a movie when this conversation happened...
Jason: So I have to ask. You sure you are ok with us being just friends? I know we are closer than we should be for being friends... the sex and all.

Me: Well are you not looking for anything more than just friends at all?

Jason: I am just not into dating right now. I understand if you are not ok with that.

Me: You had told me that from the beginning so I understand.

Jason: I just had my heart broken and I want to make sure to not do that to you.

Me: Thanks. To be totally honest, I think I really like you. But I'm glad you're telling me this now. Well, tell me this... do you see ANY potential of us dating in the future?

Jason: I don't know. Not right now at least.
So there we go... at least now I know. I'm not going to lie... I really started to like him but I guess I was being overly optimistic. I DID know that he wasn't looking for a relationship when this all started, so I was just being naive in thinking that spending a few days with me would change that.

I've made the decision to stay friends with him. He continued to tell me that I'm really his only gay friend that he has right now. And I have no reason to not believe him. And the sex is really quite good so I'm ok with us having some benefits too. I know that you'll all have something to say about this, but I'm holding on to some sort of hope that he'll warm up to an idea of dating later on. I truly believe that he's not ready to date because of what happened with his last relationship and not because he doesn't like me. I mean, why else would be insist on us staying friends and ask to hang out still? (we're still going to have a "dinner and a movie" night tomorrow... I can't very well call it a "date" anymore though, I guess)

I know what you're all thinking... If I go down this path, I'm going to end up being hurt. But I really don't want to lose him as a friend. He's about my only friend outside of work, and I really can't afford to lose that. I'm just going to go along with it and hope for the best.

Oh and THANK YOU to all who gave me advice on the birthday gift. I took a lot of your advice into consideration and I had decided on a gift for him (before the "not ready to date" conversation):
  • Pack of Blank DVDs (he has a huge collection of burned DVDs that he's quite proud of)
  • Pair of "Commando" Aussiebum underwear (with a matching pair for myself)
  • A nice birthday card with a nice birthday message
I already bought the Aussiebums online so I'm for sure giving those to him. And you can't give a gift without a birthday card, so I'm doing that as well. So I guess I just have to decide whether or not to get him the blank DVDs. I was going to buy a pack of 50 for $12.99 at Best Buy. Should I just forget it? Or should I just go for it and buy it for him? I know that buying him these gifts won't automatically change his mind about dating... but maybe it'll give me a few points that will count when he does decide he's ready to date again...


Mr. HCI said...

My advice: absolutely do not ditch him as a friend, BUT seriously consider whether it's wise to continue with the sex. IMO, "friends with benefits" is a good recipe for heartbreak.

Godfrey Off the Grid said...

I agree. I would just be very very careful about the sex. While you may think that you're wearing him down, you'll probably end up being the one who's falling even more for him. I still think that staying friends is a good idea, because it seems like something that will benefit both of you. As for the gift, why not. Just give him what you were going to give him. It doesn't sound like you're doing any grand gesture, so giving him the cd's and the underwear sounds pretty harmless to me. It's his birthday after all. You shouldn't feel weird doing something nice for the guy.

Still sucks to hear that though Doug. Sorry he's not ready. :(

Anonymous said...

wait didn't I say Ginch Gonch? :-) Aussiebum is nice too!

Aek said...

I think it's a good idea to stay friends. But the "with benefits" part is a bit more complicated. If you could tone back the sex, it would limit how attached you get to him and hurt you might feel later.

Anonymous said...

Enjoy your friendship. Enjoy your sexual relationship. Have no expectations for anything to work out, but have no expectations that they will not work out. You know, if he said he was looking for a relationship--that also means nothing. I think his honesty is more valuable and that may mean he does care for you (or maybe not). But if you pull back, what does that do for you? It only strains the relationship and will terminate the relationsip. I suggest you enjoy what you have and time will tell.

Doug said...

@goleftatthefork: heh, I considered Ginch Gonch, but I ultimately chose Aussiebum cuz I wanted a pair of Commando ones I chose for myself. And I thought it'd be cool to have matching pairs. haha.

@ HCI, Godfrey, and Aek: thank you for being concered about me. I really appreciate it. I've taken your advice into consideration, but... I've decided to be fuck buddies with him. As Anonymous points out, I do like that he was honest about it and that he cared enough to not hurt me like his previous relationship had hurt him. Now that I know how he feels, I am confident I can draw that line myself and not get extremely attached. Obviously I'm keeping my options open with other guys.