2.5 Days Left

It is now Sunday night... wait, make that Monday morning. That means that there are only two and half days of Florida left. As you read in the previous post, I was so happy that I finally got in contact with J. But I'm afraid that we're playing the same game as before. And I am once again foolish enough to wait for him. Regrettably, we did not set a time or date for our meeting. He simply said that he would be free either Monday or Tuesday night, and possibly Sunday night (but we can scratch Sunday night off the list). But we definitely don't have a set time. I told him to call me once he knows - but what I should have done was insist on a time/date. Instead, I am now waiting for his response again. What a horrible position to be in again. And I thought that I had made progress.

My fear is that he's just going to tell me that he's too busy and won't be able to meet up with me. That would really be the worst thing that can happen. But, I'm going to think positive. My time in Florida has not ended and this can still happen. Keep your fingers crossed for me?

Closure #2

The heart is a very curious thing.

I really thought I had closure, but the more and more I thought about it, it just really didn't give me closure at all. And you're probably going to read this post and you're probably going to ask "What the hell is he doing??" and a part of me is asking the same thing, but the other part, the part that is dictated by my heart, is saying a different thing.

So the email I got from J... long distance relationships didn't work out. But are all long distance relationships doomed? My friend is a perfect example of a great long distance relationship. She met her guy while vacationing in Ireland with her family. Now she lives in California and he lives in Maryland. But they make it work and they're completely in love. You know, they may be the exception to the rule, but the point is that it can happen. And what is to say that it can't happen for J and me? Yes, he's been hurt by two guys due to long distance relationships and it'd be completely hard for him to start another one, but it's just almost unfair that he wouldn't give it a try.

And yes, I wrote him another email. I just laid it all out there. Told him everything that I felt. I told him that he has made a lasting impression on me and that he is just way too great of a guy to pass up on and it would be foolish for me to just simply give up on a relationship without at least trying. I told him that I would be willing to work real hard to be have the privilege to be with him. (oooh damn, I wish I said it like that in the email... damn that 20/20 hindsight!)

Here is what I said at the end:

I hope that you will take time to think about what I've said and reconsider a relationship with me. If you do decide that it'd be too hard, then I will of course respect your decision. But my hope is that I've made enough of an impression on you for you to want to be with me.

"What were you thinking!?"
Well, like I said, I don't want to give up on this without giving it a try. I just couldn't deny what my heart was telling me to do. But now, I really do think that this email will give me the closure that I need. I've said all I wanted to say and if he decides that it'd be too hard, then I'll respect his decision, but this time I know that I tried.

I'm not being unrealistic about it... I just wanted to make sure I got it all out there. And now I have, and now I wait for his response...... again.

New Developments

So I got an email response from him. I was so happy to get one back! He explained that he had been swamped with work and finally has the weekend off now. He also was dealing with some personal issues involving his two ex-es. And to top it all off, he feels like he's getting sick.

Well, I of course emailed him back, letting him know that I appreciate his email back and hope that he's feeling better. I also sent him a "Get Well Soon" e-card.. something cute and funny.

Alright, well, the e-card lets me know when he has received and read the card. So he already read it. but no response back from him. In my email, I also asked him to just be honest with me and let me know how he feels towards me. Was that too straight forward? Well, I haven't gotten a response....

I think I might as well just give up. I hate feeling like some love sick puppy. This is such a horrible feeling to not get anything in return. I just have to learn from this I guess. It was naive to think the perfect guy could've come so easily. I'm not as lucky as I thought I was.

Or maybe I'm still jumping to conclusions too quickly....

I almost wish I never met him cuz it's almost like torture!!