Love

Can I just take this time to tell everyone that I love them? Is that alright with you? Yea? Ok good...

I LOVE YOU ALL!

I really mean it. I've "met" many of you now, either through email, IM, Yahoo, MSN, or even just the comments ... and I'm so thankful and grateful for you guys being a part of my life. You've all really become a special group of friends for me... a group of friends that know me better than many of my friends IRL. And I cherish every friendship that I've made.

And to the future frienships that I make from this blog.. YAY to those too! I don't know you yet, but I love you just as much ;)

Secret picture:

I'm not really that dark... lighting...

What I Want to Say

J,

You're a jerk for "smiling" at me.
You're a jerk for emailing me and chatting with me.
You're a jerk for inviting me to watch TV with you.
You're a jerk for being so cute.
You're a jerk for having a great conversation with me.
You're a jerk for sharing your story with me.
You're a jerk for holding my hand.
You're a jerk for stroking my hair.
You're a jerk for kissing me so gently.
You're a jerk for holding me so tight when we slept.

I wish you would email me.
I wish you would text me.
I wish you would call and talk to me.
I wish you would realize how much I like you.
I wish you would understand that I'm head over heels for you.
I wish you were ready for a relationship.
I wish you were willing to have a long distance relationship.
I wish you didn't live so far away.

I want to get to know you more.
I want to be able to talk to you.
I want to be your shoulder to lean on.
I want to give you a hug.
I want to tell you that you're an amazing guy.
I want to kiss you like you kissed me.
I want to cuddle with you when we sleep.

I need to realize you're too far away.
I need to take my mind off of you.
I need to realize there are other guys out there.
I need to get over you.

DL

Closure #2: The Response

J wrote to me this morning while at work.

This past weekend, his ex called him to tell him that he has fallen in love with someone else. This boyfriend had left for school in Amsterdam a few months ago and through mutual friends, J found out that he had been cheating on him while over there. And all this time, the guy didn't contact him. And then this weekend he calls him not to tell him that they weren't right for each other, but that he had fallen IN LOVE with someone else. That really hurt J.

And so he told me that this was definitely not the right time for him to be entering in a long distance relationship. Of course, I was prepared for that. But like I said before, I feel like now I have tried everything and said everything that I wanted him to hear. I still told him that I'm not losing hope for the possibility of the two of us getting together later down the road. And I'm hoping that he'll take me up on my offer for a shoulder to lean on. Hopefully he'll give me a call so that we can talk.

Sigh... I really need to move on. Any single guys out there want to date me? lol.