Complicated Relationship, Part II

I've had a few extra days to think about this. And reading the comments from Part I has awakened me a bit. And I've realized that getting in between two people is just about the worst possible thing anyone can do. No matter how tempted I am by one of those people, I shouldn't be doing anything to further that. If he wants to ruin his own relationship, then so be it. But I cannot/should not/will not help him with that.

Last night, he kept slipping in that I was cute. Here's the conversation after that...

Doug: "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were flirting."
Kyle:  "Well I'd say you were right. I think I am. I'm sorry... :P"
Doug: "Well, it's ok.. I guess. But you have a boyfriend..."
Kyle: "I know.. and you don't like me like that. But it's so easy to fall for you. I'm really sorry."
Doug: "Oh Kyle, don't be sorry. I just wasn't ready for a relationship when you asked for one."
Kyle:  "I understand. I know I have a bf and I don't want to ruin that, but I can't help but have feelings for you."

Sigh... told you it was complicated. I just have to be careful with how I talk to him now. Not going to egg him on. I won't just stop talking to him.. but if it starts to head in a dangerous direction, I'll put a stop to it. I am NOT going to that guy that breaks people up.

Complicated Relationship

You may want to read about Kyle/Cute Boy before you continue reading. (Kyle and Cute Boy is the same person, but I gave him a name after a few posts. So you may need to click on both links to get his full story)

So Kyle messaged me on Facebook tonight. We haven't chat like we used to in a while. And we used to chat almost every night on Facebook or via texts. And they were just fun little conversations that led to nowhere. Just to catch up.. see how each other were doing. We managed to stay friends after that one night together.

Well, a few weeks ago, he tells me that he's in a relationship now. I was happy for him, I really was. Because I know that's what he was seeking with me. And when he asked for it with me, I really couldn't say yes. I don't know why it was.. and I still don't. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm just scared of being in a real relationship with a guy? I've been out of the closet with my friends for almost 2 years now but I still haven't had a real boyfriend... but that's gonna have to be a different blog post.

Anyway... upon hearing his new relationship, I was happy, but I also couldn't help but be jealous. This boy, who has been pursuing me, now has found someone else. And now, all of a sudden, he's starting to spark my interest again. Why have I fallen into the "typical guy" category?? You always hear stories of guys who don't want to enter into a relationship (whether straight or gay) but once the other person is no longer available and no longer pursuing them, they're interested again. Is this what they call "the thrill of the chase?" When they're not available, they seem more exciting and more "attractive" in a way?

I know very well that Kyle still has feelings for me. He actually admitted to it tonight. I said something funny and witty and he just said, "you're really frustrating. You keep reminding me why I like you so much." And what do I do? I egg him on... trying to see what else he'd say. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking about what it'd be like if he were to dump his boyfriend and get with me. How wrong is that??

I don't know what to do. Are my fears about the "thrill of the chase" accurate? Am I really trying to have a relationship with him? If he really were to leave his boyfriend to pursue me again, will I push him away again? And lastly, would I want to risk our friendship and try becoming more than just friends? Too many questions... sigh.

Juggling

I never really thought that I'd be one of these people, but I'm currently juggling three guys and, I'm not going to lie, it's kind of cool. lol. Seriously, I never thought that I'd even have guys interested in me, let alone THREE guys. Well, the first guy, I've talked about: Jason. And he's not the best one out of the three. Basically, I've sort of given up on having any sort of real relationship with him and so I've contacted him less ove the past two or three weeks. And I think he's starting to realize that and has been trying to get me to see him (to do the nasty, of course... =P) And actually, I did agree to meet him this Thursday because, frankly, I'm horny. But I really do think that our "relationship" now has strictly become fuck buddies, and I'm totally fine with that.

Boy #2 is Cute Boy, which I've referred to a few times on this blog. His name is Kyle. He's a really sweet and nice kid, but I'm gonna have to say he's a bit young and I am discovering that we don't have too much in common with each other. He's nice to look at and all, but that only lasts for so long. We do chat with each other a lot though. A lot of texting. And we just talk about nothing in particular and it's fun to just have someone to do that with... but I would consider him just a really good friend. Unfortunately, I complicated it for myself by inviting him over one night last week and we ended up sleeping together. I was feeling lonely after what happened with Ohio last week and I guess I just wanted to feel better about myself. But I am regretting it because I think Kyle now expects more from me and I'm not sure I can provide that for him if I'm not that interested in him romantically...

Boy #3 is a very recent development. This weekend, Bryan from Disney World came to visit. For those who have been a reader of my blog, then you know that Bryan is a boy I met up with when I went to Florida this past June. Well nothing happened between Bryan and me and we just became good friends. So he was out here visiting Disneyland and I played in the parks with him and his friends for a few days. Well, Bryan also has a friend, Justin, that he used to work with in Disney World but now works at Disneyland. When I first saw Justin, I thought, "Ooo, he's cute! Why didn't I meet him earlier when he first came out to Disneyland?" And he's a BIG Disney goob, which I really like. And to top it off, he loves dinosaurs. HAHA. The night that we met, we were going to sit down to watch a show that wasn't to start for another 30 minutes, so Justin said that he was going to go find some snacks to buy and eat. Noone else wanted to move because they were tired, but I immediately asked if I could tag along. I'm so proud of myself for doing that because I NEVER take the initiative when it comes to boys. I'm really glad that I tagged along because we had time to chat and learn about each other while waiting in line for food. We did the same thing the next night when we all hung out again. So tonight, I text him and asked if he wanted to grab lunch tomorrow and he agreed. We're going for some Japanese food (YUMMMMM!). I'm so excited to see what comes of this.

Like I said, I never thought I'd be one to be juggling guys like this. I still see myself as this nerdy, dorky, average-looking, bumbling idiot that noone would even take a second look at, so it's just a big surprise to me that 3 guys would be interested in me at one time. Does this make me ... a player?? LOL =P