You may want to read about Kyle/Cute Boy before you continue reading. (Kyle and Cute Boy is the same person, but I gave him a name after a few posts. So you may need to click on both links to get his full story)
So Kyle messaged me on Facebook tonight. We haven't chat like we used to in a while. And we used to chat almost every night on Facebook or via texts. And they were just fun little conversations that led to nowhere. Just to catch up.. see how each other were doing. We managed to stay friends after that one night together.
Well, a few weeks ago, he tells me that he's in a relationship now. I was happy for him, I really was. Because I know that's what he was seeking with me. And when he asked for it with me, I really couldn't say yes. I don't know why it was.. and I still don't. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe I'm just scared of being in a real relationship with a guy? I've been out of the closet with my friends for almost 2 years now but I still haven't had a real boyfriend... but that's gonna have to be a different blog post.
Anyway... upon hearing his new relationship, I was happy, but I also couldn't help but be jealous. This boy, who has been pursuing me, now has found someone else. And now, all of a sudden, he's starting to spark my interest again. Why have I fallen into the "typical guy" category?? You always hear stories of guys who don't want to enter into a relationship (whether straight or gay) but once the other person is no longer available and no longer pursuing them, they're interested again. Is this what they call "the thrill of the chase?" When they're not available, they seem more exciting and more "attractive" in a way?
I know very well that Kyle still has feelings for me. He actually admitted to it tonight. I said something funny and witty and he just said, "you're really frustrating. You keep reminding me why I like you so much." And what do I do? I egg him on... trying to see what else he'd say. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking about what it'd be like if he were to dump his boyfriend and get with me. How wrong is that??
I don't know what to do. Are my fears about the "thrill of the chase" accurate? Am I really trying to have a relationship with him? If he really were to leave his boyfriend to pursue me again, will I push him away again? And lastly, would I want to risk our friendship and try becoming more than just friends? Too many questions... sigh.