Mommy Issues #2

I just received a comment on my first "Mommy Issues" post from ChelseaNoob. And I just want to thank him for sharing his story with me. He has recently come out to his parents and offered some advice to me about coming out to my own parents.

But I think the biggest problem with coming out to my parents is the communication factor. At times I really do just want to come out to them and tell them how I feel and everything that's going on in my head. However, I fear that may be an impossible task. My primary language is English and I do all my thinking in English. I know what I want to say to them... but it's all in English. My parents' primary language is Chinese. When I speak to them, I try my best to speak to them in Chinese. But even in everyday language, I sometimes can't find the words I need. So coming out to them in Chinese is definitely out of the question. But I wouldn't be able to speak to them in English either, because they probably wouldn't understand half the things I'm saying to them.

It's a dilemma. I feel that when I do come out to them, I want to be able to speak from my heart, and not have something scripted. It's just another reason why I'll never be able to come out to them.

Razz

I just updated myself on several blogs and I was so saddened to hear about the passing of Razz. I am literally in tears right now reading about it. Razz's blog was one of the first blogs I followed. I was drawn by his wit and humor. And he let us into his life so freely and I loved that about him. I had the pleasure of emailing and messaging him a few times and I will treasure those conversations.

My thoughts and prayers go out to Razz's friends and family. The world has lost a great, courageous, funny, fun-loving, exceptional guy and the world will miss him. I'M going to miss him.

Love you, Chris.

Florida

OMG, two posts within an hour?! HAHA, well.. I couldn't keep this one from the blog because it's about Jamie. And I write everything I think about Jamie on this blog. Which means I haven't really thought about Jamie for a really long time, which is a good thing I guess.

but just now, I chatted with Jamie on Facebook. Just kinda caught up. I did message him first. It was 1:15am my time, which means it was 4:15am his time, so I just thought I'd message to ask why he was still up. We then talked about work and other things going on in our lives. We kinda geeked out about NASA because he was able to go to the Apollo Launch Complex the other day and stand on the launch pad. His brother works for them so he was granted special access. It just made me think about our times together and our conversations before. And then he told me that he should try to get to sleep and that maybe he should jack off until he passes out. So naturally I said, "wish I could be there to help you." And then he says, "me too." ... Why is he so cute and why is he all the way across the country? Sigh.... FML.

I'm going to Florida this June. June 11-16 to be exact. I'm not getting my hopes up. But it'd be nice to at least see him when I'm there.

Mommy Issues

So yesterday, my family came down to visit me. It was my mom, my dad, my sister, and her two kids. They stayed at my apartment for an hour or so. My dad had never seen my apartment before so he was interested to see what it looked like. My niece played the Wii Fit for a bit. It was fun times watching her do the hula hoop game. hehe. Afterward, we went to Red Lobster for dinner. I got the Ultimate Feast. SOO freakin' good! And then they drove home.

I got home, turned on the TV and relaxed, but about 15 minutes into whatever I was watching, I just got super tired and let my head rest on one of my couch pillows. I proceeded to sleep through the entire episode. This was at 9pm... I usually don't sleep until 3am. So it was weird. So I just decided to go with it and go to bed and sleep. Which I did. And I had a horrible dream.

So, in my dream, I was living at home again with my parents. My mom and dad were both in the dream. We were back in my old house where I grew up in. My mom comes in my room and tells me that it's time for me to be sent to church. She had somehow found out about me being gay and wanted to send me to my aunt's church to fix the problem. My father agreed. I locked myself in my room and refused to go. I then snuck out of the house, stole one of the cars, and drove off... crying. And that's when I woke up.

It was horrible... I was awake in my bed and just couldn't move or think about anything else. It was so weird. It's a very real possibility that my mom and dad would want to send me somewhere if she found out that I'm gay. Which is why I don't ever want to tell her... ever! But then I also have times when I think about later on in my life when I find someone I want to be with but can never tell my family about him. What is THAT gonna be like? It's just an incredibly frustrating, sad, and horrible situation. My parents are not understanding. They're Chinese. They don't accept homosexuality. Sigh... FML.

Because You've Asked

How to add a rotating banner

I'm Not Dead

Wow... how long has it been? I'm not dead. I've just been busy... and lazy.
New "parade" opened at Disneyland. Opening weekend was GREAT. Crowd was amazing. Lots of my friends came to support it. Too bad a lot of Disney-Fanboys (and fangirls) hate it... They think it just doesn't belong in Disneyland... not traditional enough for them. They miss the old parade. BLAH... it kinda puts a damper on things. Wish I just didn't know about these "reviews." Oh well.

Debating whether or not to post a video of the show on here. Help me decide.

So my crush at work... only works ONE day on the parade. And it's on a day that I'm OFF. BLAH. sucks big time. He's so hot. I can't stop staring at him when he's around. He actually showed up to the Pizza Party that I organized at a local Shakey's Pizza Parlor. I was surprised to see him. Too bad we still didn't get to know each other better. I did get a picture with him though. HEHE.

There is another boy at work that I DO see around all the time. He's super hot/cute. AND he rides a motorcycle. DANGEROUS! hehe. Something about the bike that makes him even hotter. Too bad he's taken... going out with someone else in the parade. sigh....

Am I ever going to find a boy of my own? And one that doesn't annoy the hell out of me? lol. Matty has been IMing and Facebook chatting me ALL the time. And it's just too much. I feel bad.. but it's just really annoying. So I really don't feel all THAT bad when I just ignore him. I almost want to just block him from AIM and delete him from my Facebook friends... sigh...

Well I hope everyone is doing well! I'm going to try and get back to blogging more often. And also stay more up to date on all your blogs. Promise!

P.S. I just re-read this post here... I just realized that I write so horribly. It's really just like a stream of consciousness. Am I even writing in complete sentences, or is it just a bunch of fragments? I'm going to make an effort to write a little better. I don't know... unless you guys like the way I write. But reading it back just kind of bothered me because I don't think any other blogs read that way. It really makes me look very uneducated... but I swear, I graduated from UCLA! LOL.

Sick...

Caught the cold... and now I think I'm spreading it around work. Ooops. Bad timing because we are premiering our new show a week from today and we have rehearsals EVERY night (in the late night... weeee hours of the morning).

I've been so bad at updating this blog. Guess there's not really anything to report or blog about. It's all been rehearsals, rehearsals, and more rehearsals. Nothing exciting at all. Other than gawking at my crush every time he walks by me. I watched him perform during our rehearsals last night. I couldn't help but stare. Did I already mention that he's straight? Damn... And he goes to a Christian university... Double damn. Probably no chance of him "playing around with guys." lol.

P.S. Has anyone figured out 4236 yet? lol.

Cooking

I've been on a bit of a cooking craze the past couple of weeks. I'm not sure what it is, but I just decided that I want to cook a bit more. And the more I've cooked, the more I enjoy it. Most likely because AJ keeps telling me to cook my own food instead of buying frozen meals all the time :P So THANKS AJ!

As I type, I have a Banana-Chocolate Bread baking in the oven. This week, I made Spaghetti Carbonara (sooooo goooood) and a bunch of smoothies (ok, not really cooking, but at least I'm MAKING my own). I also made Steak au Poivre (which is a steak coated with peppercorn) and Steak with Teriyaki sauce. I also made Shrimp Scampi Linguine.... wasn't very good though. I think I put too much lemon. So instead, I turned it into Shrimp Linguine with Garlic Alfredo sauce. :P

So I'm getting all these recipes from this huge cookbook called "The America's Test Kitchen Family Cookbook" which I got as a gift from my friend Sean a very, very long time ago. I can't believe I didn't use it sooner because this cookbook is seriously amazing. Everything that I've tried to make is amazingly simple, yet super delicious! If you're looking for a comprehensive cookbook that gives you recipes from Breakfast to Dessert, Poultry to Shellfish, Meats to Pastries, then I highly recmmend this cookbook for you!

HAHA, I turned into an infomercial. But really, the food is so good. And I'm really glad that I'm cooking. It's really rewarding to eat the food that I took time to make myself. I think I'm going to take cooking classes from the Cooking School opening up under my apartment building later this year. I want to learn enough to start making stuff on my own, just by taste, and not by following recipes. It'll take time, but it'll come. :)

The ONLY thing that I don't like about cooking is the fact that I have to do all the dishes afterwards! lol. Oh well.. you win some, you lose some. =P

The Crush

Argh... the crush... name is Matt... (why is everyone named Matt, btw??)... and he's straight. sigh. Oh well. Still nice to look at. :P

And someone asked who he looks like. Well, I found a picture of Drew Fuller (Charmed, Army Wives) and I think he looks like him.. but more rugged. Drew Fuller is much hotter in Army Wives than Charmed, by the way.

Here's a pic of Drew Fuller:


And by the way, have you guys been to Torchy's blog? His blog makes me laugh. Stop on by, if you haven't been already.

Crushing at Work

There's this guy at work that I'm really crushing on right now. First saw him when I went back to work. He doesn't work directly with me, but we'll be working on the same show. He's a singer. I'm just a lowly dancer. So we don't really cross paths. But I do gawk at him from afar. I can't stop looking at him. AND he sings! That's sooo freakin' hot! He just has such a handsome face. And he's tall. And fit. And just the whole package.

But I know I'm never going to have the nerve to even introduce myself to him. Maybe when the show actually starts, we'll be able to have some interaction... I hope! I don't even know if he's gay or straight... I think he's straight... But even if he was gay, I would have no chance with him. But goddamn he's HOT! Argh, I can't get over it. Did I mention that he's hot?! Wish I had a picture... then I can show you all how hot he is!! lol.

Looking forward to staring at him more during the upcoming rehearsals. :P

(4236)

DMV

Went to the DMV today to get a print out of my driving record... my job asked for it. Man, I hate the DMV. It's such a hell hole. Sooo many people there. And I always wait forever and a half before I finally get called. Today was no exception... waited for an hour and 10 minutes before getting called. JUST to get a printout. My form was already filled out... just presented to the guy, gave him 5 bucks, he typed some stuff into the computer, and out came the paper on his printer. DONE. It took all of 1 minute.. yet I waited 1 hour and 10 minutes for it. ARGH.

The only thing good that came out of it was seeing two hot guys. One was a big, muscular guy... marine type... buzzed hair and all. He was in a zipped up hoodie and black gym shorts. His ass was HUGE in them. And the shorts hugged his cheeks just right. Couldn't stop staring. Then there was a guy sitting behind me in the chairs with slight facial hair and a baseball cap on. He was VERY handsome. Rugged good looks, I would say. YUM. :) If only I could get me one of those.... sigh. hehe.

I really hope I don't have to go to the DMV again any time soon.

Oh.. and... 4236.

Hong Kong (Part 3): Hong Kong Disneyland

I've kind put off posting about Hong Kong Disneyland just because I think you guys might find it boring. I really doubt that any of you share the same excitement about Disney Theme Parks as I do... but I promised, so I'll post. :P

So we took the subway over to Disneyland. It was about a 30 minute subway ride away. A few changes in station. But Disneyland had their OWN trains that took guests over to the Disneyland Resort. You'll see in one of the pictures below that they went all out with the train... Mickey windows, Disney character statuettes inside, Mickey handles... pretty cool. :)



When we got there, we were greeted by a massive fountain that featured Mickey Mouse riding on a surfboard on top of the water blown from the spout of Monstro. Well, I assume it's Monstro, from Pinocchio. But I guess it can just be some random whale... And then other Disney characters (The rest of the Fab 5: Minnie, Goofy, Donald, Pluto) are on the sides as well.


Then it's on to the Main Gates. If you guys have been to Disneyland (California one) before, then you'll recognize the Train Station and the Floral Mickey out front. Also, the castle is an exact replica of Sleeping Beauty Castle found at our Disneyland here. But you can tell this one is from Hong Kong because of the Lantau Mountains in the background.



We first went to "The Festival of the Lion King" which is a stage show in the round, where they tell the story of the Lion King. Really done very well. Some of the singers weren't the best, but overall, the experience was great. Just a very intricate show with awesome floats, costumes, staging, and dancing. :)



Then we were off to the Jungle Cruise. It was pretty special over at Hong Kong Disneyland because it's HUGE. The river that it operates on is GIANT. And there's a special portion that no other Jungle Cruise has, which you will see in this movie:

The rest of the day, we went on rides such as "it's a small world" and "Buzz Lightyear Astro Blasters." Didn't go on other rides because they're all repeated from other Disney parks. We did sit down and watch the parade, but it really isn't anything that great. So I won't bore you with those pictures. I'm just happy that I work at Disneyland USA where our parades are amazing. ;)

I will, however, share a picture from their other stage show: "Golden Mickeys." It's a borrowed show that originated from the Disney Cruise Lines. Several small changes here and there, but it's basically the same show where a presenter is giving out awards (Golden Mickeys) to different Disney characters, and along the way, of course there's singing and dancing to music from Disney movies. :)


All in all, a very fun day. We did pretty much everything that I wanted to do in the 6 hours that we were there. It's a very small park. And I mean REALLY small. But I got in free.. got my family in free.. so it was worth it. ;) Here are some extra photos of their Main Street (notice no trolley tracks on the ground) and some atmosphere art (a Chinese written character made to look like Mickey).


After leaving Disney, we went back to my aunt's house for a quick dinner, and then it was off to the airport! My mom and I took a late night flight back to LA. So, like I said, a real quick trip. But got a lot of things done and glad I made the trip. :) It was just nice to see all my relatives again.

So yay! I finished my Hong Kong posts! haha. Hope I didn't bore you all with all my Disney goob-iness. :P

4236

cryptic?

Quick Update

I haven't been posting... I've been busy ever since I got back from the snow trip. But a quick update: I started work at Disney again. Rehearsals and such. And also, remember the audition I went to about 2.5 weeks ago? I was just informed yesterday that I got it! I can't wait! I've wanted to be in this show ever since I first saw it! It was THE show that made me want to work at Disneyland. So I'm finally going to be able to do it after working there for 6 years!! :)

More rehearsals for me. It's non-stop rehearsals until this new show debuts on March 27th. And then I'll start rehearsals for the show that I just got up until THAT show comes on in June. And then I'll be auditioning for another parade (the Electrical Parade) in April, which will also come up in June. So I think things are looking up for me! I'm so happy right now! WEE!

(P.S. I promise to finish my Hong Kong trip reports and then my Snow trip report too!)

Cabin Fever

Wow being in a cabin with family and nowhere to go is... BORING! I'm
dying without proper Internet and TV. I guess I'll just try and sleep.
Maybe I'll dream about hot snowboarders like these two:

Snow Time!

> Oops I sent the following post with the picture but it didn't go
> through.

>
> Arrived in Big Bear and already went to play in the snow a bit. I
> don't have proper footgear for snow so my feet are ICE right now.
>
> Staying in the cabin tonight and then more snow play tomorrow. So
> apparently I got the wrong memo. We didn't come to snowboard or ski.
> We're going to the "Snow Play" areas where they provide innertubes
> and we slide down the hills. I'll provide visuals tomorrow.
>
> And CONGRATS to Bruce for finding my vids... LOL. Don't tell others
> though. We'll let them search for it. Haha.

Snow Time!!

My Friends Piss Me Off

Let me preface: Miles was Pip's "Secret Santa" this past Christmas. His gift to her was a big dinner with a big group of friends and he would pay for her. Since then, we've been trying to get together for a dinner. Every single week, someone had SOMETHING to do... we would set a date and then someone would bail last minute. Set another date, and then have to reschedule again because someone forgot they had something to do that night. It is now February 19th!! Almost 2 months after Christmas!! We were supposed to have this dinner tonight! But just now, about 10 minutes ago, Davie decided that he had plans instead and couldn't go anymore! ARGH! I do NOT want to go to a big dinner and spend money without everyone there. So guess what... we're rescheduling again! AGAIN!!

And why am I so freakin' mad about this?! Because I met a boy online tonight and he's FUCKING HOT and interested in ME! And I told him I couldn't meet up with him tonight because I HAD A DINNER WITH MY FRIENDS!! Now he's gone and made plans of his own and we can't meet up. And we can't meet tomorrow cuz both of us have plans with friends. I can't this weekend because I'm snowboarding. And next Mon-Thurs, I'll be in rehearsal for my new show until 10:30pm.... so you see why I'm so frustrated?!?! ARGH!!!

--------------

Other News Update: Davie definitely knows that it's me on that hookup site. And knows my "secret" online screen name. Now I'm worried about him finding me on xTube! EEEK! THAT would be REALLY embarrassing!

Last Week of Unemployment

It's the last few days of lounging around doing nothing for the entire day! WOO! If you've read before, I haven't been technically "unemployed." I've still been with Disney this whole time, just not getting any hours. But rehearsals for the new show starts next Monday night and I'm just excited to have something on my schedule! And now these next few days are going to be super brutal because I just want to fast forward to Monday!

I have no idea what to do to keep myself busy. All my friends seem to be doing something with their lives, yet I'm stuck at home just watching TV the whole day. I don't have any money to actually go out and do something fun. Or even go out for a movie. Or a dinner. Nothing. So I'm trapped inside my apartment watching TV and porn. All day. However fun that may sound, even porn gets boring after 6 hours...

Good news is I only have to endure through Friday. I'm meeting my friends from school to watch Slumdog Millionaire at my friend's place. (She downloaded the movie. hehe) And then I head back to my family's house that night because on Saturday and Sunday, I'm going up to Big Bear Lake to try my hand (or feet?) at snowboarding! I've been skiing once or twice, and the last time I went, my sister forced me off of the bunny slopes and up the intermediate lift. I stood at the top, scared as hell, as my sister just said, SEE YA, and left me. I inched my way closer and closer to the decline and then suddenly I was on my way. I had NO idea how to turn or slalom or whatever you call it. So I was zoooooming down the mountain... straight down... and picking up speed the entire time. I TRIED to maneuver side to side with very little success. Eventually, the slope leveled out a bit and I forced myself to crash into the fence on the side to stop. yay. Thank goodness I didn't break any bones.. just some bruises and scratches all over my body. And since then, I've never been back in the snow. And that was.... I think... maybe 10 years?? LOL.

So I'm really hoping I'm a little bit more coordinated now. And hopefully snowboarding will just miraculously come natural to me. HAHA. We'll see... I'll keep you all posted.

In other news, I think my friend Davie has found me on the internet dating hookup site that I go to... he text me last night at 2:42am while I was sleeping. All he wrote was, "(the name of the site)?" And I got it this morning when I woke up... very confused... but a little embarrassing if he's found my profile just cuz of the photo that I put up there. It's of me shirtless... I put it up a few days ago. I HAVE been getting a lot more messages than usual after I put that picture up though, but not exactly from guys that I'm interested in. Anyway... I don't even know why I go on there. Maybe it's an ego thing. Cuz I really don't think I would hookup with anyone on there .... anymore :P

MacBook Battery

Hey, remember that one post back in November where I asked for a MacBook battery? Well, I need it more than ever. Back then, my MacBook battery had significantly deteriorated and could only hold a charge of about 30 minutes. Well, fast forward to February 2009, my MacBook battery does not hold ANY charge whatsoever anymore. Which means each time I accidentally unplug the AC cord from the computer, the whole thing shuts off... :(

And if you're familiar with the new Mac computers, they're all equipped with the MagSafe Power Adapter (Fig. 1). The power cord uses a magnet to connect to the computer so that if you accidentally trip over the cord, it will safely rip away from the computer without taking the whole computer down. Well, this has become a problem because it's EASY for it to just get ripped away... and I find myself doing something important and WHOOPS I rip it out and lose everything.

Fig. 1

What's even more annoying than losing important documents is having the computer shut off while in the middle of watching porn! ARGH!