Leaving Hawaii :(

It's my last night here in Hawaii ... it's a very sad night because it's been such a great vacation for me! I really loved every part of it, and there is so much to talk about. I took a bunch of pictures so it may take a while to go through everything, but I will definitely take the time to blog about it.

Some highlights I look forward to writing about:

• Yummy Hawaiian breakfasts
• Lanikai Beach
• North Shore car trip
• Waikiki
• Surfing!
• Paradise Cove Luau
• Hula's Gay Bar
• Diamond Head Crater hiking

If you've been following me on Twitter, then you've all gotten some updates throughout this week. Soooo much fun. I really don't want to leave. I might actually actively look for teaching jobs here in Hawaii. It would be great to teach for a year or two here! We'll see... hehe.

It's 10:45pm right now and my flight is at 8am. So I better make sure I'm all packed and start getting ready for bed. More blogs soon!

Hawai'i -- Here I Come!

Only a few hours until I board the plane! I've made the decision NOT to bring my computer with me on vacation because I feel like I shouldn't need to be on it while I'm there. Afterall, I have my iPhone and that should be enough.

So I'm going to try and blog while I'm there, give minor updates on things. I'll definitely Tweet while there, so keep an eye on the TwitterFeed on the right sidebar or subscribe to me! (NyteDragon)

But warning about the blogs from Hawai'i.. I'm going to be sending them to Blogger through email and sometimes the formatting is all screwed up -- so bear with it until I can get onto a real computer to re-format it, if that problem should arise.

And now, I am going to try and fall back asleep after being awake for an hour because my whole right side of my body is shaky from drinking iced tea right befre I slept... really smart move, I know... But I got a nice little Twitter conversation with Torchy! out of it. :P

Done and DONE!

Without even re-reading or proof-reading, I finished the paper and sent it in. DONE!

That means I've done all the necessary work to complete my Masters in Teaching and now I await my scores! But I guess I'm not too worried about that. So I can pretty much say that I have my Masters now!! Wow... that's a big deal isn't it?

And now I'm ready to think about HAWAI'I!!! I can't wait! Seriously, this is a going to be a GREAT vacation. I've been on many vacations, but this one is really one of the big ones. I want this next week in Hawai'i to be just absolutely amazing. So I'm not going to let anything or anyone get in the way of that.

And I seriously CANNOT wait to show off my new Aussiebums. I just need to do some last minute working out on my chest and arms and then I'll be content. :P

So now it's time to rest up because I'm still recovering from my food poisoning, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to have a REAL meal tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Food Poisoning

You know what? Throwing up is a really good ab workout.

Disclaimer: Apparently, I'm too graphic in my "blow-by-blow" account ... so read at your own rise. HAHA.

Thursday night at work, I got a carne asada quesadilla from the "Roach Coach" (portable restaurants in a van). I ate it, and it tasted good going down. But as the night went on, my stomach didn't feel all so well. I got off work around 12:30am, and when I got home, I REALLY didn't feel well. I immediately went to the bathroom and threw up... a lot. It was gross... I threw up so much. And I felt a lot better throwing up. So I cleaned up and took a shower.

But as I was taking a shower, I got that horrible feeling in my stomach again, and I knew I had to throw up again. So I got out of the shower, bent over the toilet and threw up again. Again, it was a good amount of it. So by this time, I was super tired... so I climbed into bed, hoping that sleep would make it better.

Of course, it didn't. I woke up every 30 minutes or so with the feeling in my stomach and I threw up each time. And this went on until 6am, when I finally called my friend Zack (after calling Jon 10 times and he didn't pick up) asking him to take me to Urgent Care. He came and picked me up right away (he lives a block away from me) and we drove to Urgent Care, which was CLOSED. argh... So by this point, I was nauseous again and had to step out of the car to throw up again. He called his mom to see what I should do. She just said that Urgent Care or the ER wouldn't be able to help much. Perhaps just get some ginger ale or clear soda and some crackers.

So he dropped me off at home so I could throw up again and then he went to the store and picked up some stuff for me. I was hesitant to drink the clear soda because the water that I had drank a few hours ago just came right back up. But I tried it anyway because the bubbly is supposed to help. So I drank it, and it kept it down, and it actually stopped my nausea. So I actually got to get some rest. I slept on the couch from 8am to 1pm.

My roommate Kelley came home from work at 1pm. She made me a glass of Gatorade, which is supposed to help with dehydration. So I drank some of that. Jen came over a little bit later to just hang out and help out with whatever I needed. We watched some TV until about 5pm, when she left. But by that time, I got a little nauseous again. So for the last time, I threw up the Gatorade that I had drank. What was supposed to help me actually made me throw up again. BLAH.

I took a shower after that, and then went to bed because I was just super exhausted. That was around 8pm. I didn't wake up again until 4am, which is right now. I'm probably going to go back to sleep again soon. I'm definitely not going in to work. I won't work again until I'm back from Hawaii. I need the rest so that I can be back to normal for my vacation!

But yeah, this food poisoning is giving me some good abs for Hawaii. And now I'm gonna be super skinny too. ;) (I'm not really being serious here.. so don't yell at me. I'm not bulimic.)

School Ends --- ALMOST!!

I had my last class ever! Classes are finally over! No more boring lectures and sitting through presentation after presentation of utter uselessness!! SO HAPPY!!

Now I just need to write this stupid paper. It's a 2000+ word paper that's due on Sunday. But I definitely want to finish it tonight or tomorrow night. Definitely no later than tomorrow night because I don't want to be thinking about school anymore while I'm packing for HAWAII! So while I should be writing the paper, I'm writing this blog entry. HAHA. As you can tell, I'm a really good procrastinator.

By the way, does anyone actually use the little check boxes at the bottom of each blog entry? The ones that says "LOL" "Hot!" and "Interesting"... Would you use them more often if I changed to say something else?

iChat: Video Chat

As you may or may not know, I use a Mac computer. In fact, it's a MacBook.. one of the white ones. I'm a big Mac enthusiast. I won't go as far to say that I'm a Mac Fanboy, but I will say that I really enjoy Mac hardware and software and fully support them. I have a MacBook, a MacMini, an iPhone, an iPod Mini, and a 3rd Gen iPod. There's also an old Powerbook and an old iBook with a cracked screen that are living on the top shelf of my closet... So yea, I really like Macs.

One of the applications on my Mac that I have on ALL the time is iChat. It's basically AIM, but for the Mac. I use my AIM account on it. But it gives me other capabilities like a very reliable audio or video chat and screen sharing. I put one of those features to good use tonight. :P

It first started with me taking a few pictures of myself in my new Aussiebum swimwear. :) They're black square cuts.... very short. hehe. Jason isn't feel well so I decided to send him the pic to make him feel better. He loved it, which made him a bit horny, which made ME horny. So I asked if jacking off for him would make him feel even better. He said "hell yes!"

I won't go into details, but I put on a nice show for him. He was just talking into the camera. I didn't have him join me because I know he wasn't feeling well enough. But I could see him reach down to play with himself a little during my show. ;) I loved every minute of it too. It was definitely fun.

But it was the chatting afterwards that I really liked. We just stayed on video chat with each other and just talked. He had some shirts to iron and I had some researching for my paper. So we both stayed on the computer and talked about our day and other random things. I enjoy my conversations with him. And he's just so damn cute. His face, his expressions, the way he talks.. all so adorable.

I'm really glad that I found Jason. I know we're not committed to each other in anyway, but I definitely know that I'm comfortable with him and I can tell he's comfortable with me. And for now, that's all that matters. I hope he'll stay in my life in one form or another for a long time. :)

Desktop Picture

Saw this over at Torchy!. He posted a pic of his desktop pic, as a request from Rapha. I thought it'd be cool to show you my desktop because I LOVE this picture.


This was taken in front of the Planet Hollywood Hotel and Casino in Vegas. It's actually two pictures spliced together on Photoshop. It just looks awesome, doesn't it? Only problem is my pose.. I look like I'm about to take a dump or something. Very unattractive. Oh well... everyone else looks amazing. HEHE.

School Almost Over

Today is Tuesday. Tomorrow will be Wednesday. But what's so special about Wednesday? Well... it'll be my last class that I will have to attend.. EVER!! Two more 3-hour classes away from freedom!! Well.. sort of. I still have a 6 page paper to write by Sunday... but I will have finally finished all my classes. And by this Sunday, if all goes well with my grades, I will have my Masters in Teaching. :P

Unless it's for fun, I probably won't be taking any more classes anywhere. I will teach classes... but not take them. :) It's going to feel SOOO nice once the classes are over and my paper is done. I'm going to try and work on the paper as much as I can tonight, and then finish it tomorrow night. I don't want to procrastinate. I know I will want to put it off.. but I just want it to be done so that I can focus on what comes next: HAWAII!!!

A Friendship Ends

It seems as though my friendship with Miles has ended. (Read my "Important People" section in the sidebar on the right for a short description of who he is). I definitely considered him to be one of my very best friends. We hung out together all the time. But we've always had a really weird friendship. We like to make fun of each other and call each other out on things. People who don't know us very well would ask why we were friends because we seem to be so mean to each other. But that's just how it worked. And we thought it was funny. Just as long as we were just making fun of each other, you know?

Well, as you may know, I work at Disneyland and I have girl partners that I dance with. Being girls, they are ALWAYS weight conscious no matter how skinny they really are. But us guys have our locker room talk and conversation always steers toward our partners... how well they lift their own weight, whether they're good partners, how easy/hard it is to lift them, etc. Well, I mentioned that one of the girls was probably not the easiest to lift just because she is heavier than the other girls but I wasn't saying it maliciously or in any way to imply that she was fat. Just stating a fact. And I said that Miles would probably have a harder time lifting her if they were partners... but mostly a dig at him before heing weak.

Well, a few days after that, when I wasn't at work that day, Miles goes up to her and just casually says, "You know... Doug told me that I wouldn't be able to lift you." So of course, the next day that I'm back at work, the girl confronts me and asks why I would say that. I was so surprised and in shock by it that I didn't know what to say to her. Luckily another girl was next to me and bailed me out. But I was so mad that Miles would repeat it.

After that happened, I called Miles out and asked him what the hell he was thinking repeating what I said to him. He just laughed, thinking that it was funny. I explained to him that I thought what we talked about in the locker room should be kept just among the guys and not to be repeated. I reiterated that I was upset but, again, he just laughed. He probably thinks it's just like any other dig that we make at each other, but this actually invovled another person. What he said hurt another person's feelings. And my friendship with the girl involved has suffered because of it. I can't let that go.

This was about 3 weeks ago. And since that day, I have yet to have a normal conversation with him again. We've had to interact with each other while performing and I had to return something that he loaned me, but that's been it. So from best friends to not talking at all. Today, we passed each other in the hallway, saw each other, and didn't even talk.

And the thing is... if only he just came up to me and APOLOGIZED for what happened, then everything will be fine. But I just don't think I should make any effort to reconcile.. It should be HIM. He needs to make the effort because he was at fault in this whole situation, don't you think? Why should I be the one to try and make up and regain our friendship. Not going to lie, I miss talking and hanging out with him, but he has totally lost my trust. Don't you all think it's just ridiculous that he won't apologize??

Cruiseship

This just makes me laugh that this is happening after I called my life mundane.

I saw Jamie online last night and I decided to just randomly send him a message. "Hi." Pretty harmless. We hadn't talked since we saw each other in Florida in June. So we caught each other up on our lives. I told him about Jason a bit. And he's sort of seeing this guy, but he's unsure about him because he's very indecisive and apparently not very good in bed... And that got us on the topic of our nights together in Florida. Of course we reminisced about the amazing sex. I'll have to say that he's the best I've had. But ok, I'm digressing...

So we're also talking about his job and how much overtime he has to put in every week. I just feel horrible for him because he works so hard and they don't reward them whatsoever. I asked if he's due for a vacation. And he says he REALLY wants to go on the Disney Cruise but none of his friends are willing to go with him, which I don't understand. Because the Disney Cruise is just about the best thing ever and I would kill to go on that again. Plus my friend is working on the cruise ship right now so it would be so fun to visit him. I, of course, tell him that I would be so interested to go and if he'd be willing to go with me.

So we kind of discuss the dates that we would be able to go (a week in September) and he says he's going to check if it's going to be possible to get days off.

OMG it would be AMAZING if we went on a 7 day cruise together. And you know what? I really think I've gotten over Jamie now and we're just good friends. Good friends with benefits. (OMG, why do I have so many?) And I think we could definitely enjoy ourselves on the cruise together without having things get complicated. I really hope this happens. And I really hope I can pick up massive overtime from now until then to pay for this! HAHA.

Another Boy

The day after I blog about having to write about mundane things... I'm writing about another boy that I've been talking to. Ha. I guess there's never a lack of drama in my life.

So I've been noticing this Cute Boy at work for a while now. Probably a good 2-3 months. But always been from a far. I've never talked to him before. But every time I see him, I always am mesmerized by his good looks.

Well, about 3 weeks ago, I went to Las Vegas with my friends. And I took a few pics of me in my skimpy swimsuit and I posted them on my Facebook as my default pic. :P Well, the day after that pic went up, I get a Friend Request from Cute Boy. I'd really like to think that he noticed me because of my pic ;) (He's friends with some other of my co-workers, which is why he could see my pic)

Well, we've been casually chatting online, which then went to texting. And we've definitely been flirting with each other, and recently the conversations have been pretty sexual. But today, the conversation got a little more serious. And without giving you all the details, the topic went to relationships. And my instinct in response was to tell him that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship right now. But I wouldn't mind hanging out and then have a little sex. And he agreed with all that.

But is any of this ringing a bell to you guys? Argh... Everything I said to Cute Boy is what Jason said to me. What made me say them? And whatever that reason is, would that be the same reasons for Jason? Am I denying Cute Boy a relationship because I am holding out for Jason? Or am I just simply scared to enter into a relationship? But then again, I feel like I would be ready for a relationship with Jason. So why am I not ready with Cute Boy?

So many questions and it's really frustrating... Frustrating that I could be potentially letting a good relationship with Cute Boy go and frustrating that Jason isn't ready for a relationship. FML.

More Blogging

So I think I'm going to make more of an effort to blog again. This summer has been really busy for me and I just haven't had the time to even sit down and watch TV, let alone blog. But I want to change that. It's just that it's been tough for me to blog because I feel like a lot of my life is not really blog-worthy. But maybe if I just get over that and blog about some of just my every day life, I can get back to blogging every day again. This blog was supposed to be my personal journal about my life anyway, and I might want to look back on it and read some of the mundane parts of my life and not just the life changing stuff.

So I hope I stick with this. I was so good when I first started this. I wanted to get back to it! ;)

And I'm not going to lie, but comments and emails really keep me going. So I would really love to hear from all of you as often as possible. :)

The Talk...

Well, I had the talk with Jason. I intended on doing it in person, but we were talking online and the topic came up and I just needed to address it. I think I will just copy and paste our conversation (not in its entirety but enough for you all to get the gist of it):

Doug: hmmm... since you're bringing it up... I just have to ask... where are we at right now? I like you, and I just want to know if we're just pretty much going to be friends and that's it, or if there's potential for more? I'm not trying to put any pressure on you

Jason: sorry Doug we have talked about this before. but I am just not up for dating.

D: Just not up for dating? Or just not up for dating me?

J: Just not up for dating. but that doesn't mean it won't change. It might, it might not. But dating is not on my list. I knew us having sex was leading you on. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that.

D: No, that's not it. It's actually not the sex that's leading me on. I guess I just feel like everything that we do outside of the bedroom feels like casual dating to me. I mean, I don't want the pressures of commitment right now either. I guess we just have different ideas of dating. I think my only thing is that I feel like we're more than just "friends." But we're definitely not boyfriends either, which is fine by me.

J: Ok, I know we are definitely more affectionate than friends, that is true. Well then I guess casual dating is fine. I just don't want to hurt you if I, and I'm not saying that I will, do find someone that completely changes things. And I want you to be able to tell me if you've met someone else as well. And just say that you want to be with him.

D: Well, I can do that. But only if you promise me that you'll let me know when you're ready for more then. But no pressure from me, cuz I like where we're at right now.

Well, I got my answers. And they're not all the answers that I hoped for. I think we both did a little compromising. I just want to tell you all that I really AM fine with where we're at right now. Like I've described to you, I feel like everything that we've done together is considered dating. Like he said, we're definitely more affectionate than just friends. Which is why I really just didn't like that word being used. But hanging out, going to dinners, cuddling, watching TV together, kissing, having sex -- I'm all for it right now. And do I need the pressures of being boyfriends?... perhaps not. I never really said that I wanted to be boyfriends with him. Sure, I do think there's potential for us to be, and if it so happens that we do become boyfriends, I'd like that too. But NOT being boyfriends is not a dealbreaker. I'm really not looking for one right now.

So I guess we're in a good place. I really wanted this to be an in-person talk, but I just needed to know and couldn't wait. I know many of you are just going to tell me that he's no good for me and that I should find someone else. Well, you're probably right. But I'm not going to be actively searching for someone else either. I'll go on the online dating hookup site and check things out. I actually started chatting with a really cute boy last night. And there's also the cute boy at work that I've started chatting with online and through texting too. So I'm keeping my options open.

But for now, Jason and I are casually dating each other. Maybe now he'll stop using the word "friend" every chance he gets.

Potential Boyfriend?

So I'm getting mixed signals from Jason. Don't get me wrong, things between us are still great. We're hanging out a lot, we talk all the time. He even came over to help me move my new apartment (which I am SO thankful for). But I'm getting different signals about what he wants for the two of us.

First, let me just describe the things we've done together and our friendship/relationship so far. We've had dinner together multiple times. We went to the Ringling Bros. circus together, along with my friends. He has met some of my closest friends. He had me over at his birthday party and held my hand several times at night to lead me around. He introduced me to his closest friends. We go to the gym together. He's playful with me (i.e. He'll playfully nudge me when we're standing side by side, he pinned me down and tickled me for a good few minutes). We like to watch TV together and have made plans to watch certain shows/DVDs. We've slept over at each other's apartments. He's given me a toothbrush head of my own for his electric toothbrush. Oh.. and we have sex a lot.

The flip side to this... he has mentioned in the beginning of our friendship that he's not looking to date right now. He asked if we could be friends with benefits. He seems to use the word "friends" a lot (i.e. I thanked him for helping me move, and he replies with "what are friends for?").

The latest thing on this flip side is what he told me when he came to help me move. As we're getting ready to move my entertainment center, he tells me that the night before he was at a birthday party for his friend that he used to hookup with, and the friend asked if he wanted to have a threesome, which he agreed to. He went on to describe the experience, saying that he wasn't enjoying it so much since the other two were more into each other. While I was listening to him describe it, I couldn't help but feel a little sad inside. Of course I didn't let it show in my face, cuz we're only just friends, but it was pretty tough to hear about his hookups because I really do like him.

But back on the positive side of things, he later said something that I have interpreted to be a good sign. I asked what he was doing after he finished helping me move and he told me that he was possibly going to a wedding reception with his friend. However, his friend still had not replied back to his texts/voicemails about whether or not she's going. And then he says, "She's with her potential boyfriend herself." Ok, after he said that, I was going through my head what that was implying. He could have easily just said, "She's with her potential boyfriend." But because he added the word "herself," it sounds to me like he was calling me his potential boyfriend. And then, you may say that he just accidentally slipped in the word "herself" and it doesn't mean anything. But then again, why would he even mention her potential boyfriend. Why would he need to tell me that? I've asked three of my friends what they think of it... 2 out of 3 agree with me that he was calling me his potential boyfriend and the 3rd just said it meant nothing.

Well, I think I've pretty much written down everything in my relationship with Jason and I'm hoping that you guys can give me your opinions. I know several of you have already expressed that my relationship with Jason doesn't seem to be a good one that will last, and if you still feel the same way, I would still like to hear it. I just want to know what you guys think and any advice you may have for me.

I do plan to talk to him about it soon. Even if he just confirms that I'm a potential boyfriend, I will be happy. Even if he just says that we're "dating," then I'm happy. I don't need to be his boyfriend right now. But I guess I would like to know if we could possibly be boyfriends in the future.

I'm sorry I'm so all over the place with this. I don't know if you can tell...but I like this guy. lol. So my mind just goes at 100mph when I talk about him. Anyway, let me know what you think. :)

Moving Again

I'm moving into a new apartment... again. But it's really not that bad of a move. I'm moving within the same apartment building... again. After I move into this new one, I will have lived in 4 different apartments within the same building. HAHA. I just keep moving around.

I actually get the keys to the new place in the morning, but my official big move day is Saturday. Jason's going to be helping me move. :) He also secured me some empty boxes that he found at work and is bringing them to me tomorrow. He's so thoughtful. :P I think he's just finding an excuse to come over so that he can have his way with me though.

I'm going to miss my current apartment. It's a studio, so I live by myself. But in the new one, it's a 2 bedroom and I'll have a roommate. I'm going to get along fine with her (yes, I'm living with a girl) but I'm just going to really miss living alone. It'll definitely be a tough adjustment. But we'll have our own separate rooms, so I can always lock myself in my own room if I need to. And I'm hoping that I'll be locking both me and Jason in there quite a lot! :)

I want to talk more about Jason, but I'm really tired now. And I just wanted to give an update on my life because it seems like I never have time to blog anymore. I used to blog every day... what happened to that? Sigh.

Homework, Birthday Party, and Vegas

So I'm sitting here trying to start my homework. It's a paper of sorts... writing about a problem in education. And I don't have to write that much.. maybe 2 pages double spaced. I just have to do it now because I won't have time this weekend. I have Jason's birthday party tomorrow night, and then work all day Sunday before going to bed ASAP so that we can leave for our Vegas trip at 6am. Yes, I'm going to Vegas again. :)

So Jason's birthday party is tomorrow night. It's at his house so it'll be many of his friends there. It starts at 8pm but I'm going to be arriving late because I'm having dinner with my family. I'm thinking I won't get there until maybe 11pm. But I think that's a good thing because I'm not sure if I'd do too well with so many people I don't know for a long period of time. By 11pm, I'm sure people will be either way too drunk or starting to leave? HAHA. I don't know. But I'm just not the best when meeting new people. So it's a pretty big deal that I'm going. I just want to look good in front his friends. Gosh I really don't know what to expect. I'm not a party person.. and the only parties I attend are thrown by people that I work with... so this might be my first outside party that I'm going to. Eeek.. getting more nervous as I talk about it. So I'm just going to stop talking about it and just GO for it tomorrow.

Other news: VEGAS! I'll be leaving for Vegas at 6am with a car full of friends. TWO cars actually. And we're going to be staying at the Planet Hollywood! We get free booze in the hotel room when we arrive! PLUS, the FAT TUESDAY is right inside the Planet Hollywood shops so we're going to be going there A LOT. I'm really looking forward to it. I have so much fun when I'm there with my friends. It's just a time for us to let loose, get drunk, be crazy, and have tons of fun! I'm also hoping that my friends will want to go to the Rio Seafood Buffet with me because it's AMAZINGLY yummy!! I'm not going to be gambling... much. I'll probably play my Monopoly slot machiine and then before I leave I'm going to do my Roulette thing.

So for Roulette, I have this system that I follow:
1) I put a set amount of money (usually $20) on RED.

• If it lands on RED, move on to next step.
• If it lands on BLACK, walk away.

2) Place the original amount of money (so $20 again.. not the full $40) on RED.

• If it lands on RED, then I have won $40!
• If it lands on BLACK, then I still have $20!

2) Place all $40 on RED.

• If it lands on RED, then I have won $60!
• If it lands on BLACK, well... I've only lost $20.

edit: I knew I wrote it wrong, but I hadn't had time to revise that until now. LOL.

Barry

Barry Barry Barry... I miss talking to my British buddy. There are so many things that I want to tell him, but we never chat anymore. I really do miss chatting with him - I used to tell him everything, but now we're never online at the same time. I fear that our online friendship might be ending. :( And I know you're reading Barry -- is the guilt trip working? :P

But seriously, I'm just really sad that it's been WEEKS since we've had a good conversation with each other. I miss our talks. I loved chatting with him because he was never judgmental, yet gave me invaluable advice whenever I needed it. And wow, it's almost been a year since I've "met" Barry online.

Well, I really hope that Barry decides to respond to my email soon (::hint hint::)!

Friends With Benefits... So Far So Good

So it's been a week since we've decided to be friends with benefits, and I think it's working out just nicely. In addition to the awesome dinner and a movie we had last week, we've also been to the gym together. That was fun because he showed me how to use a lot of the equipment at the gym. I never use the machines because I feel like an idiot having to walk up to the machines and read the instructions... so it was nice to have someone just show me how to do it.

And then yesterday was his birthday. We started his birthday celebration with a midnight showing of Harry Potter. The movie was long, but it was nice to hang out with him. I really would even call it a date. We sat together, and were pretty close the whole time. He was very touchy with me. After the movie he came back to my place and I gave him his present. I decided NOT to do the ice cream thing... I figured the movie tickets were good. And then I gave him the Aussiebums. He seemed to like it. I showed him that I had matching ones, which I was already wearing. hehe.

I had also invited him to go to the House of Blues, but his friends ended up taking him out to the bars to celebrate, so he called me and thanked me for the invite but had to decline. (I was fine with it cuz I was actually really tired and just needed to relax at home, which is what I'm doing now) Then he also told me that he was wearing the underwear I got him and that they're really comfy. He also said that his friends thought they were sexy and he bragged to them that I got them for him. :) That made me feel pretty good -- I picked a good present. hehe.

So, I don't know what you guys are thinking, but I'm thinking what we have going on is pretty good right now. So what if we're not officially dating? I feel like we're doing some pretty date-y stuff. We still have plans to have an at-home movie night to watch "He's Just Not That Into You" and several epsiodes of "Doctor Who" and "Buffy." I'd probably call that a "date" in any other circumstance. But yeah, I just think that maybe he likes that we don't have the pressures of officially dating, and frankly I think I like that too.

But with there being no real commitment, I just have to remind myself not to get too emotionally attached to him because things can end at any moment. I don't see that happening soon because it really seems like we're enjoying each other's company a lot, but I just can't get my hopes up about him, I guess.

Well what are your opinions on the matter?

Might As Well Update

I wrote a reply to the comments from my last blog, and I thought I'd just write a post about it since it's kind of important and not everyone looks at the comments.

So I've had a few comments from concerned readers about me being fuck buddies with Jason and how, in the end, I'm going to end up being hurt if I'm not careful. I fully appreciate their comments and I want to thank you guys for caring about me and looking out for me. And because of your comments, I know I will be careful. But, I've decided to go along with the sex. Here is what I wrote back to the comments:

@ HCI, Godfrey, and Aek: thank you for being concered about me. I really appreciate it. I've taken your advice into consideration, but... I've decided to be fuck buddies with him. As Anonymous points out, I do like that he was honest about it and that he cared enough to not hurt me like his previous relationship had hurt him. Now that I know how he feels, I am confident I can draw that line myself and not get extremely attached. Obviously I'm keeping my options open with other guys.

In other news, I've already bought the "Commando" underwear from Aussiebum and they're on their way! However, I'm not going to be getting him the blank DVDs. I was over at his place last night (I'll talk about that in a sec...) and I asked him about his DVDs. Well, he started to burn a few and he took out his giant tower of DVDs that he has. So, I feel like he wouldn't like it as much. I'm sure he would appreciate it still.. but I want him to like it. So, I've decided on something else. But let me talk about last night first because it goes into what I'm going to get him.

So after our talk about not wanting to date, being fuck buddies, etc... we still decided to go on our dinner and a movie "date"... we moved it to last night instead of Saturday afternoon. And I guess I had a better time at this "date" than a real date because I felt less pressure. I could just be myself. And we both paid for ourselves (although he did pay for the tips for me since I paid with cash and he paid with card.. I was going to add more cash for tips, but he told me not to worry about it). Ok, I'm getting ahead of myself though.... anyway... So I got off of school and I picked him up at his house. We went to this place called Maggiano's, a really nice Italian restaurant with GIANT portions. We both ordered a full size plate of pasta and OMG it was HUGE! Sooo much pasta! but OH so yummy.

Anyway, during our dinner, we talked about a lot of different things. He talked about his childhood and his problems growing up. He comes from a really poor family and he had to cope with several learning handicaps too. But he was able to move out to Southern California and find himself a job and support himself. He still takes care of his mom, sending her money every month. It's very sweet of him. We talked about our favorite foods and we talked about desserts that we like. And then he says he LOVES all kind of ice cream, and he's recently discovered and started liking Green Tea ice cream... LIGHTBULB! Green Tea ice cream is a little rare, and can't be found everywhere. BUT I have an Asian supermarket that I go to that I KNOW will have it.

So for his birthday, I'm getting him a nice birthday card, the matching Aussiebum underwear, and GREEN TEA ICE CREAM! mmmm yummy! hehe. I think it's going to be a good gift and I really hope he likes it. What do you guys think?

Oh yeah, after dinner, we saw Transformers 2. I liked it. LONG, but I liked it for the most part. We both enjoyed it. Then we drove back to his house, and I stayed over for the night. Being fuck buddies,... we fucked. LOL. And oh it's so freaking good. I came a total of 3 times before I left his place. We're both just super horny all the time and horny for each other, which is a big reason why I've decided on our unique relationship. I do think having this friendship benefits the both of us: he needs more gay friends, and I need more non-work friends. He's pretty much my only non-work friend that I want to hang out with, and I'm his only gay friend that he wants to hang out with. So for now it works out nice.

And one last thing.. and congrats to those who read through this whole post and got here.. a few of you have asked about my P90X progress so I decided to take a few pictures for you ;) Here's my best frame. hehe. Comments on my progress (that will boost my ego) are greatly appreciated ;)

Well That Answers That...

Not very good news tonight. Got home at around 11:30pm and started chatting with Jason on AIM. We were talking about dinner and a movie when this conversation happened...

Jason: So I have to ask. You sure you are ok with us being just friends? I know we are closer than we should be for being friends... the sex and all.

Me: Well are you not looking for anything more than just friends at all?

Jason: I am just not into dating right now. I understand if you are not ok with that.

Me: You had told me that from the beginning so I understand.

Jason: I just had my heart broken and I want to make sure to not do that to you.

Me: Thanks. To be totally honest, I think I really like you. But I'm glad you're telling me this now. Well, tell me this... do you see ANY potential of us dating in the future?

Jason: I don't know. Not right now at least.

So there we go... at least now I know. I'm not going to lie... I really started to like him but I guess I was being overly optimistic. I DID know that he wasn't looking for a relationship when this all started, so I was just being naive in thinking that spending a few days with me would change that.

I've made the decision to stay friends with him. He continued to tell me that I'm really his only gay friend that he has right now. And I have no reason to not believe him. And the sex is really quite good so I'm ok with us having some benefits too. I know that you'll all have something to say about this, but I'm holding on to some sort of hope that he'll warm up to an idea of dating later on. I truly believe that he's not ready to date because of what happened with his last relationship and not because he doesn't like me. I mean, why else would be insist on us staying friends and ask to hang out still? (we're still going to have a "dinner and a movie" night tomorrow... I can't very well call it a "date" anymore though, I guess)

I know what you're all thinking... If I go down this path, I'm going to end up being hurt. But I really don't want to lose him as a friend. He's about my only friend outside of work, and I really can't afford to lose that. I'm just going to go along with it and hope for the best.

Oh and THANK YOU to all who gave me advice on the birthday gift. I took a lot of your advice into consideration and I had decided on a gift for him (before the "not ready to date" conversation):

• Pack of Blank DVDs (he has a huge collection of burned DVDs that he's quite proud of)
• Pair of "Commando" Aussiebum underwear (with a matching pair for myself)
• A nice birthday card with a nice birthday message

I already bought the Aussiebums online so I'm for sure giving those to him. And you can't give a gift without a birthday card, so I'm doing that as well. So I guess I just have to decide whether or not to get him the blank DVDs. I was going to buy a pack of 50 for $12.99 at Best Buy. Should I just forget it? Or should I just go for it and buy it for him? I know that buying him these gifts won't automatically change his mind about dating... but maybe it'll give me a few points that will count when he does decide he's ready to date again...