A New (Slutty) Experience

So I have had so much going on in my life... And I'm a little bit frustrated that I haven't kept up with blogging because I'm about to write about something that happened with weekend, but there a few things that led up to it that I could've written about (and may still write about). But now if I do write about the backstory, it'll be out of order... but oh well. Anyway -- enough blabbering.. let's get to how much of a slut I am.

This weekend, I was in Las Vegas for my figure skating competition (which I will talk about in another blog post). Sunday morning, my friends who I was there with left because they had to be back at home for work. I, however, had no other obligations for the rest of the day, so I decided to sleep in and wait until the last possible minute to check out of the hotel. But what to do the rest of the day? I was in Sin City, by myself... I had to take advantage of this situation! So, I had been on Grindr the night before to check out the guys in the area. But, I didn't find anyone to my liking and noone had hit me up either. Well, how else can I find guys to just have some fun with??

Well... that's when I looked into going to a bathhouse - a place where gay guys go to basically have sex. I did some research on the place and it seemed that it was a clean one with a nice staff and above average reviews. So I decided to just go for it. I've thought about going to a bathhouse here in Los Angeles before... but I just never got the courage to do so. But this is the perfect circumstance now.. I'm alone in a place far away from home with lots of time to spare. So I just did it.

I drove up to the place, parked my car, got out, and stepped into Hawk's Gym. I walked into a tiny little lobby, and was met with a pretty cute latino guy at the window. I gave him my money and got my "daily membership" and he let me in.

The place was dimly lit and definitely clean. So that's good. The guy gave me a towel and a lock to use for the locker. So I walked over to the lockers and got undressed and placed the towel around my waste and locked up my stuff. I then started to walk around and just familiarize myself with the layout of the whole place. In the front, there was gym equipment which noone actually used. lol. Then there was a lounge with a big screen tv and then a pool table off to the side. Down the hall, there were a bunch of doors that led to private rooms. And then there was a steam room, a sauna, and a community shower. Other rooms included the small dark room, a porn room, a glory hole type room, and a large dark sex room equipped with sex swings and slings and other sexy things. :P

As I was walking around, I was getting looked at by the guys that were already there. Not too many guys.. and noone that really caught my eye, unfortunately. So I decided to stop in the steam room first. Walked in and saw that two other guys in there already. I sat down and started to just play with myself. One guy decided to leave, but the other guy stayed. He then struck up a conversation with me and asked if he could sit next to me. And then he motioned towards my dick and asked "do you mind?" I assumed he was asking if he could see it/touch it. Little did I know, he meant if he minded if he sucked it! So he went right for it and I wasn't about to stop him! Felt pretty good... but then it got way too hot in the steam room and I just had to get out of there.

I walked around a LOT with no destination.. hoping that a hot guy will randomly come in. I stopped in the porn room to just sit and jack off a few times. Some other guys came in to watch. One creepy old man asked if I wanted to join him in his room... I declined.

And then I was walking around and a younger, black guy came in. He noticed me and probably thought, "hey, another young guy," and just kinda followed me around. Obviously, he was interested. We walked into the shower together and took a quick shower side by side. We just talked for a bit while washing up. Then we walked into the big dark sex room and walked into the corner. There, we jacked each other off. And then we went down on each other. He seemed to like my blowjob, but I wasn't too impressed with his skills...

And THEN, he had me sit back onto this weird contraption on the ground, my feet in the air. I told him I wasn't going to be bottoming for anyone... but for some reason he just wanted to hump me. I'm not sure why that would feel good or be stimulating. But he did it. And I was just kinda lying there... totally uninterested and NOT turned on at all. A few people walked by to check out our action because they probably thought that we really were fucking. But NOPE... it was stupid. I finally just told him to stop and got up and got out. WAY stupid.

There wasn't much else that happened... There just wasn't anyone there that I was really interested in. Bummer. I guess I just wasn't lucky enough to have someone attractive be there the same time I was. But it was still a successful experience.. I finally got up the courage to do something crazy like this. And it wasn't like it was horrible. So I'm glad I did it.

PLUS, now that I've done it, I won't be nervous about going to one here in Los Angeles. I've already enlisted the help of Jason - and we're going to be going to one THIS Saturday together. :P It's going to be my birthday present to myself. LOL. If there aren't any hot guys to play with there, we'll just play with each other. ;)

"Come and knock on our door..."

So it finally happened. =P Had my very first threesome last night. It was supposed to happen a few weeks ago, but it fell through. But last night, it came together... and it was pretty fun!! I was a bit nervous going into it... was thinking about it all day. And walking up to the door, I was still a bit nervous. But once I got there, it wasn't all that bad. One of the guys is Jason, and the other guy is someone that Jason's hooked up with before. So I got in the room and me and the other guy, Chris, shook hands awkwardly. LOL. I would've never hooked up with him normally, but Jason put this together for me, so I went with it. I mean, he's not bad looking, but he wasn't my type.

I sat on the bed and Jason got things going. He unzipped my pants and went right for a blowjob. He got me hard right away and things just went from there. Pretty soon, we were all sucking each other and making out. I was the bottom in the 3some so they took turns fucking me. And god it felt so good. I've blogged about it before, but I hadn't had sex in a while. So this was one heck of a way to get back to it. The two guys had me on the edge of cumming a few times. And I've learned that I most definitely like it better when I'm on my back or when I'm riding them on top. I don't like it on my stomach or doggy style... doesn't feel as good. =P

Afterwards, the other guy, Chris, had to leave right away cuz he was allergic to Jason's cat. I was in the bathroom washing up when he just left so I didn't even say bye. Talk about a fuck and run. HAHA. Jason and I went to Denny's for some food afterwards since I was super hungry. I didn't eat before all of this so I really needed some food in me.

So my reaction to my first 3some... well.. it was fun! But I didn't feel like it was much different than having sex with one guy. It was a bit more fun sucking on another guy's dick while getting fucked or having my dick sucked while getting fucked. But I think next time I have a threesome, I'm going to want hotter guys to do it with... ;)

Wasn't Meant To Be...

I've been really lazy lately. And not just lazy like not getting up and out of bed on time.. but so lazy that I can't even be bothered prepare myself for some hot sex. I know what you're thinking.. and yes, I'm THAT lazy. I'm worried that it's also because my sex drive isn't the same as before, and that's a even worse thing than just being lazy. Whatever it is, I haven't had sex for months now.

Well, tonight, I finally got back some of that sex drive. I was at home doing my P90X when I noticed that in the apartment across from me, there was a hot shirtless guy walking around with all his windows wide open. I could tell he had a nice body. So I took off my shirt and opened up all my windows too so try and show off. I don't even know if he was looking into my window (and he most likely wasn't) but I just kind of got off from the possibility that he was watching. So after that, I was pretty horny. I started messaging Jason and tried to see if he was horny as well. (Jason's been trying to have sex with me again these past months but I've said no because I just haven't been feeling it) So I hinted at him coming over and have sex with me with the windows open so that the guy across from me can watch. He sort of laughed. And then I didn't get a response from him for a while. While he was gone, I kept telling him to come over and fuck me. And then about 25 minutes later, he finally replies and says, "Oh... I thought you were playing with me since you haven't been wanting to so I already jacked off and went to get food." ........ sigh....... I was so bummed. I was all ready. I even prepared myself for sex. If you're a bottom, then you know what I'm talking about :P But then he said no.... Blah.

I guess it just wasn't meant to be tonight. Hopefully I'll get the same level of horniness tomorrow and will want some sex. :P Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Juggling

I never really thought that I'd be one of these people, but I'm currently juggling three guys and, I'm not going to lie, it's kind of cool. lol. Seriously, I never thought that I'd even have guys interested in me, let alone THREE guys. Well, the first guy, I've talked about: Jason. And he's not the best one out of the three. Basically, I've sort of given up on having any sort of real relationship with him and so I've contacted him less ove the past two or three weeks. And I think he's starting to realize that and has been trying to get me to see him (to do the nasty, of course... =P) And actually, I did agree to meet him this Thursday because, frankly, I'm horny. But I really do think that our "relationship" now has strictly become fuck buddies, and I'm totally fine with that.

Boy #2 is Cute Boy, which I've referred to a few times on this blog. His name is Kyle. He's a really sweet and nice kid, but I'm gonna have to say he's a bit young and I am discovering that we don't have too much in common with each other. He's nice to look at and all, but that only lasts for so long. We do chat with each other a lot though. A lot of texting. And we just talk about nothing in particular and it's fun to just have someone to do that with... but I would consider him just a really good friend. Unfortunately, I complicated it for myself by inviting him over one night last week and we ended up sleeping together. I was feeling lonely after what happened with Ohio last week and I guess I just wanted to feel better about myself. But I am regretting it because I think Kyle now expects more from me and I'm not sure I can provide that for him if I'm not that interested in him romantically...

Boy #3 is a very recent development. This weekend, Bryan from Disney World came to visit. For those who have been a reader of my blog, then you know that Bryan is a boy I met up with when I went to Florida this past June. Well nothing happened between Bryan and me and we just became good friends. So he was out here visiting Disneyland and I played in the parks with him and his friends for a few days. Well, Bryan also has a friend, Justin, that he used to work with in Disney World but now works at Disneyland. When I first saw Justin, I thought, "Ooo, he's cute! Why didn't I meet him earlier when he first came out to Disneyland?" And he's a BIG Disney goob, which I really like. And to top it off, he loves dinosaurs. HAHA. The night that we met, we were going to sit down to watch a show that wasn't to start for another 30 minutes, so Justin said that he was going to go find some snacks to buy and eat. Noone else wanted to move because they were tired, but I immediately asked if I could tag along. I'm so proud of myself for doing that because I NEVER take the initiative when it comes to boys. I'm really glad that I tagged along because we had time to chat and learn about each other while waiting in line for food. We did the same thing the next night when we all hung out again. So tonight, I text him and asked if he wanted to grab lunch tomorrow and he agreed. We're going for some Japanese food (YUMMMMM!). I'm so excited to see what comes of this.

Like I said, I never thought I'd be one to be juggling guys like this. I still see myself as this nerdy, dorky, average-looking, bumbling idiot that noone would even take a second look at, so it's just a big surprise to me that 3 guys would be interested in me at one time. Does this make me ... a player?? LOL =P

P.S. I Love You

Just watched the movie "P.S. I Love You." It was recommended to me by a friend at work. She had the DVD at work because someone else had just returned it to her. So she loaned it to me after I said I like movies that make me cry. I'm such a big sap. I love emotional movies that make me tear up. Some time it's just nice to have a good cry. And I definitely got that with this movie. It wasn't the best movie ever, but it did its job. I still have dried tears on my face right now. So if you want a good, emotional movie to watch, then I suggest "P.S. I Love You."

As I was watching the movie, Cute Boy starts texting me. We both have a love for crying movies. I suggested this one to him. And then he said that we should have a "crying movie night" together. Hmmm... I don't know if this is just a way to get me to spend time with him. He's kind of been going around to all the boys in my department and trying to talk with them. We've only text and online chat each other... never actually talked in person. So I'm sort of hesitant to hang out with him. But he IS a nice guy, from what I can tell from our conversations. And he really isn't bad to look at. :P Maybe I could try hanging out with him once to see how he is in person...

In other news, I was chatting with someone online about Jason. He asked if everything was going alright with me and Jason. And that's when I realized that I think I'm done trying to have a relationship with Jason. If, by this time, Jason still doesn't know whether he wants a relationship with me (something more than just a fuck buddy), then I don't think I want a relationship with him. It's just not good for me to wait for him. So I'm not going to. But I do want to stay a fuck buddy with him.. hehe.. The sex is good and I'm horny all the time so it works. ;)

Well, time to head to bed. Please leave me some comments. I love comments. I'm a comment whore. So leave some. Especially from the ones that follow my blog but I never hear from. I'd love to hear from you guys too! :)

Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second

I simply cannot say enough about the book The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second.


The book was recommended to me by Matt from Debriefing the Boys way back in Oct 2008. I actually went to Borders and bought the book because he had me so excited about reading it. And being true to myself, I bought it, started reading a few pages, and then left it on my bookshelf to collect dust. I'm really not a book-reading type of person.

So almost a year goes by.. August 23rd.. I'm packing for my trip to Hawaii and I think Hmm... maybe I should have something to read on the plane. So I walk over to my bookcase and contemplate trying to read through Dan Brown's Deception Point for the 5th time. Every time I pick it up, I end up having to re-read it from the beginning because I've forgotten what has happened. And each time, I get to about page 133 and I just put it down again. So maybe Deception Point isn't the best choice. And then I see this yellowish-orange book (I'm slightly color-blind, don't make fun of me), slightly bigger than the others, sticking out. Not remembering what it is, I pull it out a little, and see that it's the book that I had bought almost a year ago. I re-read the backcover summary and it sparks my interest again. 6 hour plane flight... I think I could get through a lot of it while strapped into a tiny little thing they call a seat. So I take it off the shelf and pack it in my backpack.

I'm on the plane and I'm sitting alone because my friend who I was flying with decided that he'd rather have an aisle seat than sit next to me. Bastard. The overhead entertainment system is on (no personal TV... what kind of cheap ass airline is this??) and it's playing an episode of AMC's Mad Men. I've heard only good things about it so I take out my earphones so I can start watching. I try to plug them into the jack on my arm rest... it won't go in. I try jamming it in a few times (as if that would miraculously make it fit) and that doesn't work. I lift the arm rest up to examine the jack and it turns out that someone must've broken off their earphone plug and half of it was wedged in there. Great... so no audio for me. But wait! I packed a book to read! I take out "The Screwed-Up Life of Charlie the Second" and open it up to where I placed my bookmark, the receipt from Borders which I folded hot dog style.

I re-read the last few paragraphs of the previous "chapter" to try and remember what I had read. And I say "chapter" because the book is written in journal/diary form. So each "chapter" is really a day or an entry in Charlie's journal. I start reading and reading and reading. I find myself flipping through page after page, not able to put the book down. I don't even realize that the flight attendants are pushing their giant food and beverage carts down the aisle. I am completely glued to the book. Even though it's a 6 hour flight, I don't finish the book on the plane. But I take out the book every chance I get: before bed, while laying out on the beach, while waiting for my turn for the bathroom, etc.

The book is smart, witty, and just incredibly hilarious. I find myself laughing - out loud - in certain parts of the book (which made my friends give me funny looks). Charlie is such a fun, cute, nerdy character. I guess I just have a soft spot for nerds. I'm definitely drawn to the nerdy type... Jamie... Jason... and now Charlie. :P

You see, Charlie is a out-of-the-closet gay teenager going to high school in a town near Chicago. He has overbearing parents that like to tell him what to do. He's the goalkeeper on his school's varsity soccer team, but he's also the geeky choir boy. Where can I find me one of those in real life? And during the few months that these journal entries are made, he finds himself in a relationship with a new boy in town, Rob. I'm not going to go into too much detail about the two of them, but I will say that they've made me let out multiple "awww"s throughout the book. There are so many instances when I would find myself with a grin from ear to ear because I just think the two of them are so damn cute!

I really don't want to spoil the book for anyone so I really don't know what else I should talk about here. But I guess I can say that the book is very enjoyable and powerful. I found myself going through lots of emotions while I was reading it: happiness, sadness, frustration, sympathy, anger... I'm not sure what other book has elicited so many emotions from me. This book is just freakin' amazing, ok!?

So I seriously urge all of you to get the book through Amazon or wherever you like to buy your books. And then we can arrange an online meeting and have a book club discussion! I've always wanted to do one of those and now I have a book that I want to do that with! Ooo, I think our goal should be to get Oprah to endorse the book on her Book Club!

If you've already read the book, I'd love to hear your opinions/thoughts on it. Write me a comment or shoot me an email. I really am serious about discussing the book with someone!

iChat: Video Chat

As you may or may not know, I use a Mac computer. In fact, it's a MacBook.. one of the white ones. I'm a big Mac enthusiast. I won't go as far to say that I'm a Mac Fanboy, but I will say that I really enjoy Mac hardware and software and fully support them. I have a MacBook, a MacMini, an iPhone, an iPod Mini, and a 3rd Gen iPod. There's also an old Powerbook and an old iBook with a cracked screen that are living on the top shelf of my closet... So yea, I really like Macs.

One of the applications on my Mac that I have on ALL the time is iChat. It's basically AIM, but for the Mac. I use my AIM account on it. But it gives me other capabilities like a very reliable audio or video chat and screen sharing. I put one of those features to good use tonight. :P

It first started with me taking a few pictures of myself in my new Aussiebum swimwear. :) They're black square cuts.... very short. hehe. Jason isn't feel well so I decided to send him the pic to make him feel better. He loved it, which made him a bit horny, which made ME horny. So I asked if jacking off for him would make him feel even better. He said "hell yes!"

I won't go into details, but I put on a nice show for him. He was just talking into the camera. I didn't have him join me because I know he wasn't feeling well enough. But I could see him reach down to play with himself a little during my show. ;) I loved every minute of it too. It was definitely fun.

But it was the chatting afterwards that I really liked. We just stayed on video chat with each other and just talked. He had some shirts to iron and I had some researching for my paper. So we both stayed on the computer and talked about our day and other random things. I enjoy my conversations with him. And he's just so damn cute. His face, his expressions, the way he talks.. all so adorable.

I'm really glad that I found Jason. I know we're not committed to each other in anyway, but I definitely know that I'm comfortable with him and I can tell he's comfortable with me. And for now, that's all that matters. I hope he'll stay in my life in one form or another for a long time. :)

Another Boy

The day after I blog about having to write about mundane things... I'm writing about another boy that I've been talking to. Ha. I guess there's never a lack of drama in my life.

So I've been noticing this Cute Boy at work for a while now. Probably a good 2-3 months. But always been from a far. I've never talked to him before. But every time I see him, I always am mesmerized by his good looks.

Well, about 3 weeks ago, I went to Las Vegas with my friends. And I took a few pics of me in my skimpy swimsuit and I posted them on my Facebook as my default pic. :P Well, the day after that pic went up, I get a Friend Request from Cute Boy. I'd really like to think that he noticed me because of my pic ;) (He's friends with some other of my co-workers, which is why he could see my pic)

Well, we've been casually chatting online, which then went to texting. And we've definitely been flirting with each other, and recently the conversations have been pretty sexual. But today, the conversation got a little more serious. And without giving you all the details, the topic went to relationships. And my instinct in response was to tell him that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship right now. But I wouldn't mind hanging out and then have a little sex. And he agreed with all that.

But is any of this ringing a bell to you guys? Argh... Everything I said to Cute Boy is what Jason said to me. What made me say them? And whatever that reason is, would that be the same reasons for Jason? Am I denying Cute Boy a relationship because I am holding out for Jason? Or am I just simply scared to enter into a relationship? But then again, I feel like I would be ready for a relationship with Jason. So why am I not ready with Cute Boy?

So many questions and it's really frustrating... Frustrating that I could be potentially letting a good relationship with Cute Boy go and frustrating that Jason isn't ready for a relationship. FML.

The Talk...

Well, I had the talk with Jason. I intended on doing it in person, but we were talking online and the topic came up and I just needed to address it. I think I will just copy and paste our conversation (not in its entirety but enough for you all to get the gist of it):

Doug: hmmm... since you're bringing it up... I just have to ask... where are we at right now? I like you, and I just want to know if we're just pretty much going to be friends and that's it, or if there's potential for more? I'm not trying to put any pressure on you

Jason: sorry Doug we have talked about this before. but I am just not up for dating.

D: Just not up for dating? Or just not up for dating me?

J: Just not up for dating. but that doesn't mean it won't change. It might, it might not. But dating is not on my list. I knew us having sex was leading you on. I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that.

D: No, that's not it. It's actually not the sex that's leading me on. I guess I just feel like everything that we do outside of the bedroom feels like casual dating to me. I mean, I don't want the pressures of commitment right now either. I guess we just have different ideas of dating. I think my only thing is that I feel like we're more than just "friends." But we're definitely not boyfriends either, which is fine by me.

J: Ok, I know we are definitely more affectionate than friends, that is true. Well then I guess casual dating is fine. I just don't want to hurt you if I, and I'm not saying that I will, do find someone that completely changes things. And I want you to be able to tell me if you've met someone else as well. And just say that you want to be with him.

D: Well, I can do that. But only if you promise me that you'll let me know when you're ready for more then. But no pressure from me, cuz I like where we're at right now.

Well, I got my answers. And they're not all the answers that I hoped for. I think we both did a little compromising. I just want to tell you all that I really AM fine with where we're at right now. Like I've described to you, I feel like everything that we've done together is considered dating. Like he said, we're definitely more affectionate than just friends. Which is why I really just didn't like that word being used. But hanging out, going to dinners, cuddling, watching TV together, kissing, having sex -- I'm all for it right now. And do I need the pressures of being boyfriends?... perhaps not. I never really said that I wanted to be boyfriends with him. Sure, I do think there's potential for us to be, and if it so happens that we do become boyfriends, I'd like that too. But NOT being boyfriends is not a dealbreaker. I'm really not looking for one right now.

So I guess we're in a good place. I really wanted this to be an in-person talk, but I just needed to know and couldn't wait. I know many of you are just going to tell me that he's no good for me and that I should find someone else. Well, you're probably right. But I'm not going to be actively searching for someone else either. I'll go on the online dating hookup site and check things out. I actually started chatting with a really cute boy last night. And there's also the cute boy at work that I've started chatting with online and through texting too. So I'm keeping my options open.

But for now, Jason and I are casually dating each other. Maybe now he'll stop using the word "friend" every chance he gets.

Potential Boyfriend?

So I'm getting mixed signals from Jason. Don't get me wrong, things between us are still great. We're hanging out a lot, we talk all the time. He even came over to help me move my new apartment (which I am SO thankful for). But I'm getting different signals about what he wants for the two of us.

First, let me just describe the things we've done together and our friendship/relationship so far. We've had dinner together multiple times. We went to the Ringling Bros. circus together, along with my friends. He has met some of my closest friends. He had me over at his birthday party and held my hand several times at night to lead me around. He introduced me to his closest friends. We go to the gym together. He's playful with me (i.e. He'll playfully nudge me when we're standing side by side, he pinned me down and tickled me for a good few minutes). We like to watch TV together and have made plans to watch certain shows/DVDs. We've slept over at each other's apartments. He's given me a toothbrush head of my own for his electric toothbrush. Oh.. and we have sex a lot.

The flip side to this... he has mentioned in the beginning of our friendship that he's not looking to date right now. He asked if we could be friends with benefits. He seems to use the word "friends" a lot (i.e. I thanked him for helping me move, and he replies with "what are friends for?").

The latest thing on this flip side is what he told me when he came to help me move. As we're getting ready to move my entertainment center, he tells me that the night before he was at a birthday party for his friend that he used to hookup with, and the friend asked if he wanted to have a threesome, which he agreed to. He went on to describe the experience, saying that he wasn't enjoying it so much since the other two were more into each other. While I was listening to him describe it, I couldn't help but feel a little sad inside. Of course I didn't let it show in my face, cuz we're only just friends, but it was pretty tough to hear about his hookups because I really do like him.

But back on the positive side of things, he later said something that I have interpreted to be a good sign. I asked what he was doing after he finished helping me move and he told me that he was possibly going to a wedding reception with his friend. However, his friend still had not replied back to his texts/voicemails about whether or not she's going. And then he says, "She's with her potential boyfriend herself." Ok, after he said that, I was going through my head what that was implying. He could have easily just said, "She's with her potential boyfriend." But because he added the word "herself," it sounds to me like he was calling me his potential boyfriend. And then, you may say that he just accidentally slipped in the word "herself" and it doesn't mean anything. But then again, why would he even mention her potential boyfriend. Why would he need to tell me that? I've asked three of my friends what they think of it... 2 out of 3 agree with me that he was calling me his potential boyfriend and the 3rd just said it meant nothing.

Well, I think I've pretty much written down everything in my relationship with Jason and I'm hoping that you guys can give me your opinions. I know several of you have already expressed that my relationship with Jason doesn't seem to be a good one that will last, and if you still feel the same way, I would still like to hear it. I just want to know what you guys think and any advice you may have for me.

I do plan to talk to him about it soon. Even if he just confirms that I'm a potential boyfriend, I will be happy. Even if he just says that we're "dating," then I'm happy. I don't need to be his boyfriend right now. But I guess I would like to know if we could possibly be boyfriends in the future.

I'm sorry I'm so all over the place with this. I don't know if you can tell...but I like this guy. lol. So my mind just goes at 100mph when I talk about him. Anyway, let me know what you think. :)

Moving Again

I'm moving into a new apartment... again. But it's really not that bad of a move. I'm moving within the same apartment building... again. After I move into this new one, I will have lived in 4 different apartments within the same building. HAHA. I just keep moving around.

I actually get the keys to the new place in the morning, but my official big move day is Saturday. Jason's going to be helping me move. :) He also secured me some empty boxes that he found at work and is bringing them to me tomorrow. He's so thoughtful. :P I think he's just finding an excuse to come over so that he can have his way with me though.

I'm going to miss my current apartment. It's a studio, so I live by myself. But in the new one, it's a 2 bedroom and I'll have a roommate. I'm going to get along fine with her (yes, I'm living with a girl) but I'm just going to really miss living alone. It'll definitely be a tough adjustment. But we'll have our own separate rooms, so I can always lock myself in my own room if I need to. And I'm hoping that I'll be locking both me and Jason in there quite a lot! :)

I want to talk more about Jason, but I'm really tired now. And I just wanted to give an update on my life because it seems like I never have time to blog anymore. I used to blog every day... what happened to that? Sigh.

Homework, Birthday Party, and Vegas

So I'm sitting here trying to start my homework. It's a paper of sorts... writing about a problem in education. And I don't have to write that much.. maybe 2 pages double spaced. I just have to do it now because I won't have time this weekend. I have Jason's birthday party tomorrow night, and then work all day Sunday before going to bed ASAP so that we can leave for our Vegas trip at 6am. Yes, I'm going to Vegas again. :)

So Jason's birthday party is tomorrow night. It's at his house so it'll be many of his friends there. It starts at 8pm but I'm going to be arriving late because I'm having dinner with my family. I'm thinking I won't get there until maybe 11pm. But I think that's a good thing because I'm not sure if I'd do too well with so many people I don't know for a long period of time. By 11pm, I'm sure people will be either way too drunk or starting to leave? HAHA. I don't know. But I'm just not the best when meeting new people. So it's a pretty big deal that I'm going. I just want to look good in front his friends. Gosh I really don't know what to expect. I'm not a party person.. and the only parties I attend are thrown by people that I work with... so this might be my first outside party that I'm going to. Eeek.. getting more nervous as I talk about it. So I'm just going to stop talking about it and just GO for it tomorrow.

Other news: VEGAS! I'll be leaving for Vegas at 6am with a car full of friends. TWO cars actually. And we're going to be staying at the Planet Hollywood! We get free booze in the hotel room when we arrive! PLUS, the FAT TUESDAY is right inside the Planet Hollywood shops so we're going to be going there A LOT. I'm really looking forward to it. I have so much fun when I'm there with my friends. It's just a time for us to let loose, get drunk, be crazy, and have tons of fun! I'm also hoping that my friends will want to go to the Rio Seafood Buffet with me because it's AMAZINGLY yummy!! I'm not going to be gambling... much. I'll probably play my Monopoly slot machiine and then before I leave I'm going to do my Roulette thing.

So for Roulette, I have this system that I follow:
1) I put a set amount of money (usually $20) on RED.

• If it lands on RED, move on to next step.
• If it lands on BLACK, walk away.

2) Place the original amount of money (so $20 again.. not the full $40) on RED.

• If it lands on RED, then I have won $40!
• If it lands on BLACK, then I still have $20!

2) Place all $40 on RED.

• If it lands on RED, then I have won $60!
• If it lands on BLACK, well... I've only lost $20.

edit: I knew I wrote it wrong, but I hadn't had time to revise that until now. LOL.

Friends With Benefits... So Far So Good

So it's been a week since we've decided to be friends with benefits, and I think it's working out just nicely. In addition to the awesome dinner and a movie we had last week, we've also been to the gym together. That was fun because he showed me how to use a lot of the equipment at the gym. I never use the machines because I feel like an idiot having to walk up to the machines and read the instructions... so it was nice to have someone just show me how to do it.

And then yesterday was his birthday. We started his birthday celebration with a midnight showing of Harry Potter. The movie was long, but it was nice to hang out with him. I really would even call it a date. We sat together, and were pretty close the whole time. He was very touchy with me. After the movie he came back to my place and I gave him his present. I decided NOT to do the ice cream thing... I figured the movie tickets were good. And then I gave him the Aussiebums. He seemed to like it. I showed him that I had matching ones, which I was already wearing. hehe.

I had also invited him to go to the House of Blues, but his friends ended up taking him out to the bars to celebrate, so he called me and thanked me for the invite but had to decline. (I was fine with it cuz I was actually really tired and just needed to relax at home, which is what I'm doing now) Then he also told me that he was wearing the underwear I got him and that they're really comfy. He also said that his friends thought they were sexy and he bragged to them that I got them for him. :) That made me feel pretty good -- I picked a good present. hehe.

So, I don't know what you guys are thinking, but I'm thinking what we have going on is pretty good right now. So what if we're not officially dating? I feel like we're doing some pretty date-y stuff. We still have plans to have an at-home movie night to watch "He's Just Not That Into You" and several epsiodes of "Doctor Who" and "Buffy." I'd probably call that a "date" in any other circumstance. But yeah, I just think that maybe he likes that we don't have the pressures of officially dating, and frankly I think I like that too.

But with there being no real commitment, I just have to remind myself not to get too emotionally attached to him because things can end at any moment. I don't see that happening soon because it really seems like we're enjoying each other's company a lot, but I just can't get my hopes up about him, I guess.

Well what are your opinions on the matter?

Might As Well Update

I wrote a reply to the comments from my last blog, and I thought I'd just write a post about it since it's kind of important and not everyone looks at the comments.

So I've had a few comments from concerned readers about me being fuck buddies with Jason and how, in the end, I'm going to end up being hurt if I'm not careful. I fully appreciate their comments and I want to thank you guys for caring about me and looking out for me. And because of your comments, I know I will be careful. But, I've decided to go along with the sex. Here is what I wrote back to the comments:

@ HCI, Godfrey, and Aek: thank you for being concered about me. I really appreciate it. I've taken your advice into consideration, but... I've decided to be fuck buddies with him. As Anonymous points out, I do like that he was honest about it and that he cared enough to not hurt me like his previous relationship had hurt him. Now that I know how he feels, I am confident I can draw that line myself and not get extremely attached. Obviously I'm keeping my options open with other guys.

In other news, I've already bought the "Commando" underwear from Aussiebum and they're on their way! However, I'm not going to be getting him the blank DVDs. I was over at his place last night (I'll talk about that in a sec...) and I asked him about his DVDs. Well, he started to burn a few and he took out his giant tower of DVDs that he has. So, I feel like he wouldn't like it as much. I'm sure he would appreciate it still.. but I want him to like it. So, I've decided on something else. But let me talk about last night first because it goes into what I'm going to get him.

So after our talk about not wanting to date, being fuck buddies, etc... we still decided to go on our dinner and a movie "date"... we moved it to last night instead of Saturday afternoon. And I guess I had a better time at this "date" than a real date because I felt less pressure. I could just be myself. And we both paid for ourselves (although he did pay for the tips for me since I paid with cash and he paid with card.. I was going to add more cash for tips, but he told me not to worry about it). Ok, I'm getting ahead of myself though.... anyway... So I got off of school and I picked him up at his house. We went to this place called Maggiano's, a really nice Italian restaurant with GIANT portions. We both ordered a full size plate of pasta and OMG it was HUGE! Sooo much pasta! but OH so yummy.

Anyway, during our dinner, we talked about a lot of different things. He talked about his childhood and his problems growing up. He comes from a really poor family and he had to cope with several learning handicaps too. But he was able to move out to Southern California and find himself a job and support himself. He still takes care of his mom, sending her money every month. It's very sweet of him. We talked about our favorite foods and we talked about desserts that we like. And then he says he LOVES all kind of ice cream, and he's recently discovered and started liking Green Tea ice cream... LIGHTBULB! Green Tea ice cream is a little rare, and can't be found everywhere. BUT I have an Asian supermarket that I go to that I KNOW will have it.

So for his birthday, I'm getting him a nice birthday card, the matching Aussiebum underwear, and GREEN TEA ICE CREAM! mmmm yummy! hehe. I think it's going to be a good gift and I really hope he likes it. What do you guys think?

Oh yeah, after dinner, we saw Transformers 2. I liked it. LONG, but I liked it for the most part. We both enjoyed it. Then we drove back to his house, and I stayed over for the night. Being fuck buddies,... we fucked. LOL. And oh it's so freaking good. I came a total of 3 times before I left his place. We're both just super horny all the time and horny for each other, which is a big reason why I've decided on our unique relationship. I do think having this friendship benefits the both of us: he needs more gay friends, and I need more non-work friends. He's pretty much my only non-work friend that I want to hang out with, and I'm his only gay friend that he wants to hang out with. So for now it works out nice.

And one last thing.. and congrats to those who read through this whole post and got here.. a few of you have asked about my P90X progress so I decided to take a few pictures for you ;) Here's my best frame. hehe. Comments on my progress (that will boost my ego) are greatly appreciated ;)

Well That Answers That...

Not very good news tonight. Got home at around 11:30pm and started chatting with Jason on AIM. We were talking about dinner and a movie when this conversation happened...

Jason: So I have to ask. You sure you are ok with us being just friends? I know we are closer than we should be for being friends... the sex and all.

Me: Well are you not looking for anything more than just friends at all?

Jason: I am just not into dating right now. I understand if you are not ok with that.

Me: You had told me that from the beginning so I understand.

Jason: I just had my heart broken and I want to make sure to not do that to you.

Me: Thanks. To be totally honest, I think I really like you. But I'm glad you're telling me this now. Well, tell me this... do you see ANY potential of us dating in the future?

Jason: I don't know. Not right now at least.

So there we go... at least now I know. I'm not going to lie... I really started to like him but I guess I was being overly optimistic. I DID know that he wasn't looking for a relationship when this all started, so I was just being naive in thinking that spending a few days with me would change that.

I've made the decision to stay friends with him. He continued to tell me that I'm really his only gay friend that he has right now. And I have no reason to not believe him. And the sex is really quite good so I'm ok with us having some benefits too. I know that you'll all have something to say about this, but I'm holding on to some sort of hope that he'll warm up to an idea of dating later on. I truly believe that he's not ready to date because of what happened with his last relationship and not because he doesn't like me. I mean, why else would be insist on us staying friends and ask to hang out still? (we're still going to have a "dinner and a movie" night tomorrow... I can't very well call it a "date" anymore though, I guess)

I know what you're all thinking... If I go down this path, I'm going to end up being hurt. But I really don't want to lose him as a friend. He's about my only friend outside of work, and I really can't afford to lose that. I'm just going to go along with it and hope for the best.

Oh and THANK YOU to all who gave me advice on the birthday gift. I took a lot of your advice into consideration and I had decided on a gift for him (before the "not ready to date" conversation):

• Pack of Blank DVDs (he has a huge collection of burned DVDs that he's quite proud of)
• Pair of "Commando" Aussiebum underwear (with a matching pair for myself)
• A nice birthday card with a nice birthday message

I already bought the Aussiebums online so I'm for sure giving those to him. And you can't give a gift without a birthday card, so I'm doing that as well. So I guess I just have to decide whether or not to get him the blank DVDs. I was going to buy a pack of 50 for $12.99 at Best Buy. Should I just forget it? Or should I just go for it and buy it for him? I know that buying him these gifts won't automatically change his mind about dating... but maybe it'll give me a few points that will count when he does decide he's ready to date again...

Advice on Birthday Gift

Hey guys, I need you advice. PLEASE please please comment because I need as much input as possible. And ASAP. So even if you've never read this blog before or never commented before, PLEASE do so now.

So the boy I'm seeing, Jason... his birthday is coming up next Wednesday July 15th. I really want to get him something. The thing is, I'm not sure what to get him because I'm not really sure what we are yet. He's mentioned the words "friends with benefits" which I kind of got a little sad to hear? But he's willing to hang out and stuff, I invited him to go to my friends' 4th of July party with me and he was actually contemplating it.. and I invited him to the circus that's coming in town and he said yes. So... I guess I'm still confused as to what kind of relationship we have. Regardless, I still want to get him a birthday gift.

Now, I've had one person suggest that I get something kinky/sex related. Why? Because a week ago when I stayed over at his place, he tied me up with arm restraints that he had installed on his bed! HEHEHE. Oh and I was blind folded too. OMG, so hot.

But should I get a more traditional birthday gift? Something cheap though... cuz I don't want him to think I'd spend so much money on him when we're just "friends" for now. Something funny, perhaps? He was also telling me about his skydiving and swimming with the dolphins so he's done a lot of cool things. And then he was telling me about his scars and the multiple times he's been to the hospital cuz he's a bit of a daredevil. hehe. So something related to that could be funny? I dunno.. That's why I need your help!

So please please please give me some input! I'll love you forever!! THANKS guys! If there's a group of guys that I know I can count on, it's you guys!!

Happy 4th Indeed!

I haven't talked about him much, but Jason and I have been seeing each other more than just occasionally. Ever since I got back from Florida, we've gotten together a few times. A few nights ago I actually stayed over at his place... never slept over at another guy's place before. So that was a cool experience.

Well, we both have the day off today, so we're having our own 4th of July celebration at my place. ;) It's gonna be filled with sexy times. He's already told me what he wants to do with me when he gets here. LOL.

I'm really hoping that Jason wants a relationship with me. He's so cute and funny. And he's HOT! We're definitely sexually attracted to each other, there's no doubt about that. But I'm hoping that he wants a bit more out of me too. But for now, we're having a good time with each other.

So I hope you guys have a day filled with BBQ and fireworks!

Disney World Boys (Part 2)

Ok... I still think I was a little too detailed about everything in Part 1. I need to not write so much! Anyway.. if you haven't read Part 1 yet, I suggest you do that first. :) Oh and the blog is gonna get kinda sexually explicit now... so don't read unless you want some sexy details. :P

So where was I? Oh yeah, Jamie and I getting frisky after the jacuzzi/pool. Well, we take each others' clothes off and have some sexy time. And it was AMAZING. I had forgotten how big Jamie's dick was. hehe. He goes gentle at first, but pretty soon it gets very hot and steamy. I actually almost experienced cumming while being fucked without touching myself... but I guess my moaning was really hot and he couldn't hold out any longer. But oh my god it felt so good. I hadn't had sex since December. I needed it so much.

We just collapsed on the bed afterwards and just chatted with each other. Somehow we got to food and we both expressed that we were REALLY hungry. So at 4 in the morning, we go out to the Waffle House and have an awesome breakfast together. We get back to the hotel and sleep in each others' arms. It was so nice to have someone to cuddle with again.

We wake up around noon or so and head out to Disney's Animal Kingdom. We spend the day there, going on rides, watching shows. Basically an awesome time spent with Jamie. I really loved every minute of it. The park closed early so we left around 6:30pm. He decides to take me on a tour of the Disney World property, going to backstage areas and stuff. I thought it was really interesting and I loved that he was playing tour guide. After we went through most of the major areas, we decide to play some miniature golf... something I hadn't done in years!

There's something about miniature golf that screams "fun date!!" for me. And it sure was. We both were horrible at it, but that made it even better. We just made fun of our lack of skill the whole time. And there were other people palying so we had to wait to play some of the holes, so we would just sit down on the bench together and talk. So nice to be able to do that with him.

Sitting on the bench with Jamie :)

After miniature golfing, we drive over to the Magic Kingdom just in time for the fireworks at 10pm. Fireworks are usually a pretty romantic thing, but there were just too many people around and I was sweaty and gross from the entire day, so I had a hard time getting close to him during the show. :( Oh well...

After that we returned to the hotel and went to the pool and jacuzzi again. We talked for a while again just about everything and anything. It was very nice to get to know more about Jamie. And I think he got to know me a little better as well. After that, we went back up to the room and once again had some sexy time.

I actually feel bad... because I was REALLY loud. But I couldn't help it because it felt so damn good. He was hitting the spot with every thrust and I just couldn't be quiet. But I still felt bad because it was about 3:00 in the morning and I was staying at a Disney hotel, which meant I probably had little kids next door. But my god, the sex was just amazing. He had me in several positions, and I'm pretty surprised that it felt so good so quickly even though his dick was so big and thick. But yeah, once again, he had me so hard and wanting to cum the whole time. Mmmmm -- loved it!

The next morning, he had to get ready for work again in the afternoon, so he took me to the Magic Kingdom (where I would meet Bryan) and just dropped me off. I was sad that he had to work because that meant that this would be the last I would see of him for a long while. But it had to end some time. I gave him one last kiss and then climbed out of the car. I looked back as he drove off and I just remembered thinking, "Sigh.. that was a great two nights spent with him." And that's all I could have asked for.

So Bryan was working at the Magic Kingdom as a certain tall character. :P I don't want to ruin any magic for any Disney lovers out there. HAHA. But I text him when I entered the park and he told me where he would be. So I went and visited him at his location. On his lunch, he came out to see me and watch the parade with me, which was nice. The rest of the time I spent by myself. I stayed until the night and watched the nighttime parade by myself :( Oh well.. I couldn't have a boy with me every day, right? LOL.

I got back to my hotel and actually had to pack because I was moving hotel rooms for my last night there. So I packed up and went to bed early. Definitely not as exciting as my other two nights.. LOL

So I only have one more day left to blog about.. I'll save that for another night. Again, I'm tired and need some sleep. Also, I really need to blog about Jason. He's the guy that I met up with before my trip to Florida. There have been new developments with him -- good developments -- and I should tell you guys all know about it. Soon. :)

My Night

As I have said before, I write this blog because it's mainly a way for me to remember my life if I so choose to look back on it in the future. So I may sometimes go into details that you readers may not be all too excited to read. If that happens with this post, I apologize in advance. And also, I'm thinking the post is going to get pretty sexually explicit...

So it's 10:00pm, and I'm supposed to text Jason. I wait until 10:02, because I don't want to seem desperate by texting right at 10:00. lol. In no time, he responds by telling me that he's getting off work and that he can head over straight from there. So I give him my address and instructions on how to get in the apartment building. I'm freaking out now, because he's going to be here any minute. I had actually spent 2 or 3 hours beforehand cleaning up the entire apartment. I did all my dishes, wiped down the tables, cleaned the bathroom, dusted, took out the trash, made the bed, etc. And up until the the moment he came in the door, I was still trying to tidy things up. I even made popcorn to get ready for the movie. :P

I hear the knock on the door and I freak out, naturally. But I walk up to the door and open it. He's still in his work clothes: a blue buttoned up shirt, a blue pattern, and black slacks. He walks in and he comes in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. And thank goodness he did it because that was something else I was nervous about.. I didn't know if I should move in for a hand shake, a hug, a kiss.... so whew! He took care of that for me!

After he walked in the door, I feel like my butterflies went away. I just began to talk to him. And he was quite easy to talk to. I asked about work and his day. He did the same. As we talked, he got out the "Bedtime Stories" DVD, which I popped into the DVD. He got comfortable on my 3-seater couch, sitting on one side. I sat down in the middle seat, not too close to him, but close enough where we could be touching if we wanted to.

We let the movie start, but we were still talking about our day and other conversation starters. We just got to know each other better.. the basics I guess. If there were points in the movie that were worth discussing, we would talk about it. Our conversations were just very natural and I didn't need to try too hard to find things to talk about. THANK GOODNESS! Because, again, that was another thing that I was nervous about.

And YES, we did finish watching the movie all the way through. LOL. However, 3/4 of the way in, he said he wanted to put his feet up after a long day of work, so he laid himself across the couch, grabbed me and put his arms around me, and had me lie on top of him (not in a dirty way, guys!). I felt comfortable in his arms. And it was just cute how he made the excuse that his feet were tired. He could've just put his feet up on the table in front of him, so it was obviously an excuse to get closer to me. :)

After the movie, we decided to just watch some TV... still in the laying down position. but my neck was starting to bother me so I kinda stretched it a bit and it cracked a little. So Jason says, "Ouch, that sounds like you need a massage!" So he had me lie down face down as he got on top me (still not dirty yet, guys!). Then he says, "Well, you can't expect me to massage you with your shirt on though." So he had me take off my shirt as he proceeded to give me a really relaxing 10 minute massage. Then out of nowhere he started kissing up and down my back. Of course it felt nice. And the stubble on his face gave it a bit of new sensation as he kissed my body... I sort of liked it! Pretty soon, he was kissing up to my neck very sensually. I loved every minute of it. Finally, his kisses made it to my mouth and we made out for a while. Again the stubble felt funny, but kinda cool too.

And then he got me off the couch, stood me up, then picked me up, carried me over to my bed, and then threw me down on it. He climbed on top me (ok, this is where it gets dirty) and then took my clothes off. I was totally hard already, of course. He also took off his clothes to reveal his thick dick... completely hard as well. YUM. He started giving me head and it felt oh so good! Then he grabbed my feet, threw them up by my head, and then ate my ass and it felt oh so good!!

I didn't want that to end, but then he got up and had me follow him into the shower. And another point for him because I LOVE shower sex! I think it's so freakin' hot! I know he wanted to get in the shower because he didn't go home to wash up after work. So he was being really considerate and wanted to be clean. ANOTHER point. ;) After he soaped and rinsed, I couldn't go down on him fast enough. So I don't have too much blowjob experience, but I'm hoping I did a good job. I couldn't take all of him (I started to gag a bit) but I tried to use my tongue as much as possible, moved my head, used my hand... And there was a lot of moaning, so it had to feel sort of good right? Then I ate my very first ass. ;) That was fun because he REALLY liked it.

After the shower, we went back to the bed and continued with the sex. ;) We 69'ed, face fucked, ate ass... all very good! Then he started fingering my ass. And I was so tight... it was almost uncomfortable. It's been WAY too long... I knew he wanted to stick his dick in my butt... but I really didn't want that to happen for the first night. He was doing everything right... everything felt good... and I'm pretty sure he expected me to say, "Fuck me!" ... but I never did it. And after a while, he got the hint. So he just continued to give me great head. He then sat on my face, which took him over the edge. He blew his load all over my chest. Then he helped me along until I blew my load as well.

We got a towel and cleaned up a bit but just laid on the bed with each other for a bit. Just holding each other. So nice. I started running my hands/fingers up and down his body and he seemed to really like it. He said his skin gets really sensitive after he cums. So that just makes me want to do it more. He flips over and I run my hands up and down his back.. and down to his butt. THAT made him go crazy. And pretty soon he was all horny and hard again. I started to hump him, pretending to fuck him. He really responded to that. I pulled his hair, pulled his head back, and kissed him. I flipped him over again, grabbed his feet, put them over my shoulder and just "fucked" him like crazy. I was all sweaty again. Like dripping. The bed was squeaking, his head was hitting the wall behind him... I felt bad for my neighbors who were probably trying to sleep.

But all that made me hard again too, so he had me sit on his face. I couldn't believe it, but I blew another load, a huge one, all over his face. I then sucked him off until he blew his load too. God, writing about this just makes me hard right now. It was so awesome.

We laid on the bed for a while after... but then he started getting up. He said he just couldn't stay over and sleep in a bed that wasn't his own. But he kept telling me how sexy I am and that he didn't want to leave me. I think that was the first time in a long time that someone called me sexy straight to my face. And it was just so nice to hear. He started getting dressed, but stopped after putting on each article of clothing to give me a kiss. God, he's so damn cute. I opened the door, he gave me a big kiss goodbye, and then he walked out. I closed the door just thinking how fun the whole night was.

So, I really intended to just have a nice night of movie watching.. but I guess I also half expected things to go further. And I was ready and willing for that. About 15-20 minutes, I get a text from him. ANOTHER point for him! I didn't have to go crazy thinking about whether or not to text him and when I should do it! His text said, "Thanks again for tonight. And did you realize we had sex for 3 hours?!" HAHA.

So I'm going to Florida for a week, but we agreed to get in contact after I get back. And also, the next morning, he IMed me just to say HI before he had to go to work. I loved that he was making an effort to just stay in contact with me. Which, I'm assuming, means that he likes me? The only thing I'm still not too sure about is whether he wants to see me again because he wants to develop more with me... or he just wants to see me again so that he can stick it in my butt... I guess we will find out later. But I really do think that I like this guy. He's easy/fun to talk to, we have things in common, and he's great in bed. Hope things work out with him...

Well, right now, I'm finishing up the packing for my trip to Florida. I've confirmed my plans to meet Bryan the first night I'm there. I have to give Jamie a text when I arrive to confirm my plans with him also. SOO looking forward to this trip! Will blog about it whenever I get a chance!

Quick Update

I didn't die. Jason wasn't a serial killer. And yes, I had a great time. :)
More details after I come home from work!